Chapter 142:
He said so much, and Xie Wanning listened quietly all along, only furrowing her brows slightly when the First Prince’s name was mentioned, saying, “Otherwise? Wait for you to ascend to the throne and wipe us all out in one go?”
Of course she cared about her death in her past life, which was instigated by her aunt and her male cousin. If he hadn’t pressed her step by step, she wouldn’t want to have Pei Yuqing and her father and brothers support the other side.
Even knowing that he had ascended to the imperial throne in his past life, now that it had come again, it probably couldn’t change this fact, but she had to try, she couldn’t just sit and wait for death, right?
Thinking this way, Xie Wanning’s tone became somewhat indifferent.
She said, “The First Prince ascending to the throne is the best choice for both the Pei Family and the Xie Family.”
Therefore, she could let go of the revenge for her death.
Lu Ziyan’s face had completely darkened.
He was silent for a long time, and when he spoke again, his voice was somewhat hoarse.
“Can I understand it as, in your heart, I am your greatest enemy, and as long as you can deal with me, you can forgive anyone else?”
Greatest enemy…
Xie Wanning’s heart skipped a beat, and she instinctively wanted to deny it.
The words were already at her lips, but she changed her tone, “If you can let go of the past, no longer entangle with me, and guarantee after ascending to the throne not to settle accounts with the Pei Family and Xie Family, letting us live peaceful lives, then I also do not wish to be your enemy.”
“Peaceful life?” Lu Ziyan sneered lightly, “Wanwan, that old man has deceived you multiple times, and you still want to live a peaceful life with him?”
“…” Xie Wanning fell silent, she didn’t want to anger him further.
Another period of silence.
In the room, apart from the sound of his fingertip lightly tapping the desk, it was extremely quiet.
After a long time, Lu Ziyan raised his eyes and looked at her seriously, smiling coldly.
“I’m not as magnanimous as you. You can let go of the revenge for your death, but I cannot let go of the revenge for my wife’s death. No one can stop me from dealing with them.”
“As for the Xie Family, …I won’t touch your maternal family.”
She was destined to become his empress openly and honorably, so how could he touch her family.
“I have only one request, Wanwan, please be fair to me too,” he looked at her and said, “So many people can be forgiven, can be let go, why are you ruthless only to me?”
Why ruthless only to me…
Xie Wanning’s breathing hitched, and scenes from her past life that she didn’t want to mention or recall appeared before her eyes.
……Of course it’s because among those people, I only gave you my true heart.
Because she had given her true heart, she had truly felt the pain, so much pain that she dared not forget, dared not be soft-hearted.
Her aunt had long resided in the deep palace, and her male cousin was someone she rarely saw. Even though they were blood relatives, Xie Wanning’s affection for them was limited.
Even knowing they were the true culprits behind her death, for her, apart from shock, she couldn’t feel much sadness or grief, not even comparable to the harm Lu Xiyao had done to her.
After all, Lu Xiyao had once been her close female friend in the boudoir; they had been confidantes who shared everything since childhood, and more than a decade of friendship wasn’t fake.
But even with Lu Xiyao, after Xie Wanning married into the Lu Family and her attitude changed drastically, their friendship developed estrangement.
Although Lu Xiyao later sent a jade bracelet to seek reconciliation, for Xie Wanning, the affection could no longer return to how it was before.
That day, upon learning from Lu Ziyan’s mouth that the jade bracelet contained poison and Lu Xiyao wanted to take her life, Xie Wanning felt shock and confusion, but the emotion of sadness was so fleeting that it disappeared before she could fully experience it.
The affection she gave out was measurable; once exhausted, it was gone.
Among those who had harmed her, only Lu Ziyan was different.
She had loved him genuinely, with full affection, wholeheartedly.
Childhood sweethearts growing up together, the affection of a girl experiencing her first love—fervent and pure. All of Xie Wanning’s courage to love was poured into it, regardless of gain or loss, regardless of consequences, like a moth to the flame.
In the end, she lost utterly and completely.
Such sincere affection, she herself could no longer find it, nor give it to anyone else.
Even knowing it was all a misunderstanding and she hadn’t truly lost, she wouldn’t have that kind of all-or-nothing courage again.
How could she lightly speak of forgiveness.
Her hand was grasped, interrupting Xie Wanning’s thoughts. She looked up to see the person opposite her with reddened eyes at some point.
“Wanwan, what do I have to do for you to give me another chance? I don’t believe you have no affection left for me.”
“…” Xie Wanning lowered her eyes, wanting to pull her hand out, but it was gripped firmly.
Lu Ziyan held her palm to his lip and lowered his head to kiss her fingertip.
Today at the temple offering incense, she was dressed very plainly all over, with not even a bracelet on her wrist. Her ten fingers were slender like jade, smooth and delicate, without the bright nail polish favored by noble ladies in the capital city.
His lips pressed against them, pecking kisses one by one. His hot breath made her fingertips tremble uncontrollably. She wanted to pull away, but her palm was firmly held.
Xie Wanning grew a bit anxious and glared at him through gritted teeth, but his pair of bloodshot eyes was also staring at her unblinkingly.
Their four eyes met, and he said, “I’ve experienced the feeling you had when Liu Manrou entered the residence… Those two years, I never entered her courtyard, yet you…”
“Isn’t your punishment enough… Every day and night after your marriage, I was tormented in jealousy and hatred, more painful than what you felt then.”
“I know I was wrong, I really know I was wrong,” Lu Ziyan’s voice choked slightly, “Come back to me, okay? Don’t treat me like this.”
The young general famed for his ruthlessness was now softening his voice to admit his wrong.
He said, don’t treat me like this…
It was as if their roles had swapped; now it was his turn to persistently wait for an answer, humbly pleading for her to turn back.
Xie Wanning listened quietly to the end, suddenly recalling that day when she firmly wanted to break off the engagement, her cousin Xie Ruyu had said that in the future, it would be Lu Ziyan’s turn to weep bitterly and ask her to stay.
At that time, Xie Wanning hadn’t dared to imagine the scene of this person weeping bitterly.
And now, looking at his slightly moist eye sockets, instead of the imagined satisfaction in her heart, a bit of disappointment arose.
“Stop being stubborn, Lu Ziyan. We really can’t go back,” her fingers curled slightly as she said, “That Xie Wanning who loved you wholeheartedly, with eyes full of only you, can never come back, unless you can turn back time, or…”
She raised her other hand and pointed to her temple, “Or, make all those memories disappear from here, forget all that harm.”
Harm is called harm because it hurts.
As long as it hurts, there is memory.
“You ask why I’m ruthless only to you, I can answer you,” Xie Wanning looked at their clasped hands and said, “Because I loved you, I truly loved you with all my heart, so even if my aunt and cousin stabbed me a hundred times, it wouldn’t compare to the harm your single ‘wicked woman’ brought me.”
When you love someone, you give them the ability to hurt you; no harm is deeper than that given by the one you love.
