Chapter 30: Let’s Start A Training Class For Dying For A Cause
The news of Zhang Biao successfully demanding his salary swept like wind through every damp and dark office and dormitory of the Six Ministries, the Censorate, the Hanlin Academy, and the Imperial Academy, all crammed with impoverished Capital Officials.
“Did you hear? That fellow Zhang Biao! Demanded his wages from the Emperor in the Hall of Supreme Harmony!”
“Hiss—! Really? Is he tired of living?!”
“Absolutely true! My seventh uncle’s distant cousin works in the Office of Transmission, and he personally heard that something was amiss inside! He said Censor Zhang pulled out a purple broken account book that said ‘Return my hard-earned money’ to settle accounts! He calculated until the Emperor’s face turned green!”
“My goodness! That. That’s incredibly bold! What happened afterwards? Was he beheaded?”
“No beheading! I heard the Emperor took money from the Imperial Treasury and gave him fifty taels of silver!!”
“How much?! Fifty taels?! Silver?!”
“Shh—! Keep your voice down! It’s true! The Emperor even called the Ministry of Revenue a waste!”
“Heaven has eyes!”
A Director from the Ministry of Works, as thin as a bamboo pole, was so excited he almost jumped up, his eyes turning red: “Censor Zhang is a true man! He is our great benefactor! He risked his life to speak up for us!”
Gradually, the tone of the conversation began to change.
“More than that! I also heard that Zhang Biao recovered the back pay for Shen Lang. Not only did the Emperor give him money to redeem his Jade Pendant, but he also bestowed three pig’s heads as imperial gifts!”
“My heavens, Empress! Zhang Biao has set a precedent!”
“The Forefather of Demanding Salary! From now on, Zhang Biao is our Forefather of Demanding Salary!”
“What ‘Forefather of Demanding Salary’! From now on, he should be called ‘Pig’s Head Meat Forefather’! Follow him, and there will be meat to eat!”
In the Censorate, those censors who usually prided themselves on their integrity, maintaining their principles even while starving, could no longer sit still.
In the office, a few young censors gathered, their eyes shining.
“Senior Brother Zhang is truly a divine being!”
“Demanding salary in the Hall of Supreme Harmony. Not only did he walk out alive, but he also brought back silver and was bestowed pig’s heads—this. This is unheard of!”
“What clear soup noodles from the Imperial Kitchen! This is real skill! More effective than us making a dying remonstrance a hundred times!”
“Learned it! Truly learned it! Before making a dying remonstrance in the future, be sure to eat your fill! Only then will your voice be loud!”
“Senior Brother Zhang’s saying, ‘Dying remonstrance on an empty stomach lacks strength,’ is a golden truth! It should be inscribed on a stone tablet at the doorway of the Censorate!”
“Yes, yes, yes! And ‘The integrity of loyal officials cannot save the Great Ming Dynasty’! This sentence. It sounds so powerful! We have integrity! We have meat to eat!!”
A young censor, who had recently joined the Censorate and was pale and emaciated, secretly took out a little notebook from his chest, and with hands trembling and red with excitement, wrote down a few lines with utmost piety:
Brother Biao’s Sayings, Rule One: On an empty stomach, remonstrance is powerless.
Brother Biao’s Sayings, Rule Two: Before making a dying remonstrance, be sure to eat your fill.
Brother Biao’s Sayings, Rule Three: To maintain integrity, have meat to eat first.
After writing, he carefully put the little notebook back into his chest, touched his hollow stomach, and looked in the direction of Wang Mazi’s butcher shop, his eyes filled with infinite yearning for the highest realm of ‘dying remonstrance.’
The integrity of the Censorate seemed, at this moment, to be brushed with an unprecedented, down-to-earth, and powerful sheen by fifty taels of silver and three glistening imperial pig’s heads.
On the other side, in a quiet alley near the Gate of Heavenly Acceptance.
Zhang Biao was sitting at a simple noodle stall, holding a coarse porcelain bowl larger than his face, slurping loudly.
The bowl contained steaming hot clear soup noodles, topped with a thick layer of glistening pig’s head meat.
The meat, with alternating layers of fat and lean, trembled and exuded a rich aroma.
Shen Lang sat opposite him, also with a large bowl piled high with clear soup noodles and pig’s head meat.
He ate even more voraciously than Zhang Biao, his cheeks puffed out, his eyes narrowed in happiness, muttering indistinctly as he ate, “Delicious! It’s so damn delicious! Brother Biao, you are truly my brother! Not only did you help me redeem my Jade Pendant, but you also got the Emperor to buy three pig’s heads, three imperial pig’s heads!”
As he spoke, his eyes couldn’t help but turn red: “My mother drank the meat broth, and her spirits have improved so much, and the child isn’t crying anymore. Brother Biao! Great kindness needs no thanks. From now on, through water and fire, your word is my command!”
“Brother Shen is too kind!”
Zhang Biao swallowed a large mouthful of noodles coated in oil, let out a satisfied burp, and waved his hand magnanimously, his righteousness reaching the heavens: “We are all poor brothers working for Old—for the Emperor. Share blessings, share meat!”
As his words fell, he picked up another large piece of pig’s head meat, stuffed it into his mouth, chewed with his mouth full of oil, and a sense of immense satisfaction spread across his face.
Then, he licked his glistening lips, recalling the blandness of the imperial clear soup noodles in the Hall of Supreme Harmony, and then looking at the bowl of pig’s head meat piled like a small mountain before him, he suddenly sighed, “Brother Shen, what is the most important thing for a censor?”
Shen Lang, who was busily devouring pig’s head meat, looked up blankly, “Ah? Integrity? Morals? Straightforward advice?”
“Wrong!”
Zhang Biao said decisively, tapping his glistening lips with his chopsticks, producing a crisp ‘clack-clack’ sound, his eyes flashing with wisdom: “It’s having a glib tongue!”
“Ah?” Shen Lang was even more bewildered.
Zhang Biao leaned in mysteriously, lowering his voice as if imparting a peerless secret technique, and said sincerely:
“Look, dying remonstrance is a skilled job. With just a burst of passion, going on an empty stomach, you shout a few times and then lose steam; you can’t even die properly! The Emperor sees it and thinks, ‘Oh, this censor lacks stamina; he’s a pushover, so beheading him isn’t even interesting!'”
“But if you eat your fill, especially after just devouring a large bowl of oily pig’s head meat! *Burp*~~”
Zhang Biao said, let out a loud burp, and patted his round belly: “Then it’s different! Your voice will be loud, your stamina full, and you can curse people with flair! Your thoughts will be clear, you’ll quote classics, and you can make the Emperor jump with anger yet be unable to catch you! When he beheads you, he’ll feel the knife strike was worth it; he’s beheading a tough bone!”
He concluded his speech with utmost certainty: “Therefore, the prerequisite for dying remonstrance is eating your fill! The key to eating your fill is oil and fat! The source of oil and fat…”
He patted the twenty-odd taels of silver in his chest, then pointed at the pig’s head meat in Shen Lang’s bowl, and chuckled: “Either by begging for it, or by relying on good neighbors like Brother Shen!”
“Remember! A censor with an empty stomach and dry lips cannot offer good advice! But a censor who eats until his mouth is full of oil and has full stamina is worthy of the Emperor’s blade!”
Shen Lang listened, dumbfounded. He looked at Zhang Biao’s glistening, eloquent mouth, then at the fragrant pig’s head meat in his own bowl. Something in his mind seemed to shatter with a ‘crack,’ and something else lit up with a ‘buzz.’
He dazedly picked up a piece of fatty meat, put it in his mouth, chewed vigorously, and his eyes gradually changed.
Seeing Shen Lang’s reaction, a sudden flash of inspiration struck Zhang Biao.
Everyone dies eventually, and some people need a little help.
Since Old Zhu won’t let me go to court to die, then…
How about opening a purple dying remonstrance training class first?
Last day of the month, requesting monthly tickets!!! First day of the month, requesting guaranteed monthly tickets! Requesting monthly tickets!
