Chapter 101: Big Brother Brags
A few old women heard my answer and finally put their minds at ease.
Then, with benevolent expressions, they asked, “Xiao Hua, how come you’ve become human? Have you become a monster?”
Hearing this, I burst into laughter; “Hahahahaha.”
Then I said to them;
“I am a little monster, free and at ease, I kill ghosts without batting an eye, and eat ghosts without salt~! La la la~!”
While speaking, Big Brother also made a funny face.
Seeing me like this, the few old women were instantly terrified~! Cold sweat flowed “whoosh, whoosh” down their wrinkled old faces.
The next moment,
“Oh my! A ghost slayer!”
“Oh my! Help!”
……
After a series of extremely terrified screams,
The few old women ran home desperately, not even realizing they had lost their shoes.
Big Brother chuckled strangely, thinking to himself;
This time they shouldn’t come here to dance the square dance anymore, right? There’s no depth to them at all, it affects others’ crossing the bridge and their jobs, don’t they know? Presumptuous fellows~! Can you be like me? My singing doesn’t affect others’ work, and it can adjust their mood. You jump around endlessly with your old butts clattering, and you don’t even know how to restrain yourselves. If you were a bit restrained, it would be fine, but people have already complained, so why are you still shamelessly continuing?
If Big Brother wasn’t just a flower before, and you were afraid you’d pull me out, would I dare to retort? I’ve truly spoiled you all~! Damn it!
Big Brother, illuminated by the waters of the River of Forgetfulness, tidied his attire, looking at his greatly changed appearance, his face full of compassion yet with a hint of demonic.
He said happily, “Hmph! I knew you kid, no matter what you turned into, you would still be the most striking existence in the handsome and striking combination, excluding the handsome and excluding the combination, cough cough cough~!”
Slowly, I walked onto the Bridge of Helplessness, approaching the large pot where Meng Po was cooking her soup. A trace of remembrance surged in my heart, and the scenes in my mind replayed;
“Bang~!” Big Brother kicked over Meng Po’s large soup pot and pointed at Meng Po, angrily saying, “You are so old, I respect you, that’s why I call you Granny, do you even know how to speak? Who is a bastard? Who is a punk? Who will be crippled for not learning well? Fuck~!”
Seeing her Meng Po’s Soup, which she had been cooking for thousands of years, kicked over by Big Brother, Meng Po looked greatly surprised.
Her expression was both frightened and angry, and she pointed at me, Big Brother; “You, you you you,…”
She was speechless for a long time before she could speak; “Do you know how expensive this soup is? You punk with no one to care for~! You have to compensate me!”
As she spoke, tears streamed down her old face like pear blossoms, and she wailed, grabbed Big Brother’s collar;
“Guards~! Woo woo woo, someone is bullying an old woman~!”
……
My thoughts returned to the present,
Recalling the troubles Big Brother had caused in his youthful recklessness, Big Brother felt a lot of emotion and unconsciously started to laugh.
Shaking his head, he asked Meng Po on the other side of the large pot, “Haha, Granny, do you still remember me?”
Hearing this, Meng Po scrutinized Big Brother carefully, and with a hint of doubt mixed with puzzlement, she replied with a smile;
“Young man, have we met?”
Hearing this, I laughed heartily, “Hahaha, it’s nothing, Granny, you carry on, take good care of yourself.”
Seeing me speak like this, Meng Po was even more confused. She scratched her head and muttered softly; “Oh dear, this bright boy looks quite familiar, whose child is he?”
……
After leaving the Bridge of Helplessness, Big Brother hired eight lively old women from the Underworld’s agricultural market, and their work earned them a hundred million a day.
At first glance, the price seemed terrifying, but in reality, it wasn’t expensive at all. The Underworld uses paper money issued by the Bank of Heaven and Earth, and it’s not even printed by the Underworld itself, nor by the Heavenly Court. Instead, it’s printed by bored individuals in the mortal world using printing machines. The daily output is countless. It’s not an exaggeration to say they can print as much money as there is paper. But I can tell you, even if you use the grass paper that ancient people used to wipe their butts with, as long as you stamp some copper coin marks on it, it can be used as money. You can imagine how worthless the money in the Underworld is. （ In layman’s terms, what does it mean for money to be worthless? ） It means that inflation has caused the value of currency to decrease, prices to rise, making the money in hand worthless.
After hiring the old women, Big Brother waved his hand and conjured a red sedan chair, with two large red lanterns hanging in front, resembling those used by ancient officials when traveling, or the objects used in movies for ghost weddings. Cough cough cough, the main point is to be dashing.
It’s not that Big Brother had any other intentions, but Big Brother felt that since he had been reborn, it was inevitable to show off a bit. Hehe.
The eight old women, heavily made up and dressed in vibrant colors, were specially dressed up and carried Big Brother towards King Yama’s Mansion.
“Tian zai lang ye ya ba ying hong, Tian zai lang ye ya ba ying hong, Ming ye tou guang ying feng cui lou hou, Xi lei gui ming lei lai lou, Sui yuan nu nai cai lei gui sen lei, Gui bu gui lei gui, Shang xiu hou ba yu hou~!……
Ta di nan guang, ta di nan guang, hou xi hou xi, xi xi fa guang, tei ding tei ding tei ding tei ding sou~, feng feng~! Ta di nan guang, ta di nan guang, hou xi hou xi, xi xi fa guang, tei ding tei ding tei ding tei ding shang gang feng~!……”
Along the way, Big Brother kept singing this 《 Ghost Bride 》, which almost made his throat smoke. There was no other way; if he wanted to show off, he had to endure hardship. If he couldn’t even bear this little bit of hardship, how could Big Brother show off in the future?
Three hours later, Big Brother finally arrived at the entrance of King Yama’s Mansion, which was also Big Brother’s godfather’s house.
I signaled the old women to call out, then asked the butler in the courtyard to inform my godfather and the others, to give him a surprise.
Who knew these old women were so slow-witted, they kept shouting “Is anyone there? Is anyone there?” uselessly.
It made Big Brother’s handsome face twitch repeatedly, I swear! To shout “Is anyone there?” in the Underworld? If someone were here, they would have become a ghost already! Damn it!
There was no other way, Big Brother had to contort his voice, and call out strangely; “Ah~! Butler of King Yama’s Mansion~, quickly inform King Yama that a distinguished guest has arrived~! Hurry~!”
Damn it, I thought that by speaking in such a yin-yang manner, pinching my nose, the butler would go inform my godfather.
Who knew that after the butler came out aggressively, he had an arrogant look on his face, put his hands behind his back, and yelled at Big Brother’s sedan chair; “Bold! What kind of insignificant person are you? Are you not going to get out of the sedan chair quickly now that you’ve arrived at King Yama’s Mansion? Do not hide your head and show your tail, otherwise, don’t blame this steward for being impolite!”
Hearing this, the eight old women immediately peed themselves. After all, damn it, what ghost would dare to yell at the entrance of King Yama’s Mansion?
Throughout history, hmph, perhaps only Big Brother is this foolish.
I secretly peeked through the curtain and saw the old women sitting on the ground with their pants soaked. A strong stench drilled into Big Brother’s nose. Cough cough cough, this made me cough so hard that I almost spat out all the pollen.
“Slap~!”
Big Brother slapped himself. What kind of idiots did I hire? I should have hired some old men. Let’s say, even at the very least, men would have more courage than women, right? They wouldn’t be scared to pee their pants?
After dry heaving for a long time, “Ugh~!”
With a vomit, I pushed aside the sedan curtain and chuckled; “Hahaha, uh~, uh~. Haha, *gag* uh, long time no see, Uncle Li.”
