Chapter 103: Bragging
Seeing that the people who were arguing just now were all attracted by my laughter,
I picked up a bowl of wine from the table, which was 18,200 years old and called “Lalala, drink it to fly,” and drank it down in one gulp, then said,
“A few years ago, a monster couple bullied seven children and an old man. Their villainy was beyond description. They first captured the old man and then threatened the children to save him.
To be honest, those children were not ordinary people. The eldest was as strong as an ox, the second had sharp eyes and a clever mind, the third had practiced the Golden Bell Shield since childhood and was fearless of blades, swords, and spears, the fourth was skilled with fire, the fifth loved playing with water, and the sixth, after being born, could ‘mi mao hu’ – which is the local dialect for children in the Northeast playing hide-and-seek. As for the seventh, he was even more special. Unlike the others, the seventh had no special abilities himself, but he was born with a treasure that could absorb all things.
Logically, if these seven children had gone to save the old man together, it would have been a piece of cake, no problem at all.
It was just that these seven children were too young, lacked experience, and were fearless in their youth, not knowing the immensity of heaven and earth. They often went alone.
And that was precisely what the two monsters took advantage of, defeating them one by one. The most ridiculous was the seventh. He had never attended school, nor had he experienced society. He was completely deceived by the monsters’ sweet talk and recognized his enemy as his father. Alas…
Fortunately, during this time, a kind little monster rescued the old man. But those children were still in the hands of the monsters. If they weren’t rescued, and the monsters broke their limbs and threw them everywhere to beg, wouldn’t their lives be ruined forever?
The old man knew he was a mortal with no great abilities. He initially wanted to risk his old life to save the children! But upon closer thought, if he rashly went, he wouldn’t be able to save the children, and if he were captured again, it would be even more hopeless.
So, in desperation, he asked someone to find me.
You know me, my brothers, I’ve hated evil since I was young and can’t stand to see honest people bullied.
Hearing this, how could I stand by and do nothing? I grabbed two watermelon knives that very day and went to the monsters to demand the children back.
Who knew that those two monsters were so powerful and had already heard that I was coming for them.
And they also knew that I had an extraordinary temperament, boundless magical power, and was exceptionally talented, not someone to be underestimated.
So they didn’t dare to confront me directly. The night before, they packed their belongings and the children and fled to the home of a relative living in the Heavenly Realm.
Upon receiving the news, I pursued them all the way and found them in a grassland in the Heavenly Realm. I told them to release the children and surrender.
Putting aside what those two monsters were, their relative was no ordinary person. He was the local overlord of this part of the Heavenly Realm’s grassland, and the entire grassland was his territory. He was known as DJ Wu Dalang and had countless desperate subordinates.
For an ordinary person, seeing such a display would have made them shrink back in fear.
But am I an ordinary person? Damn it! I spoke, I’ve been awesome since I was a kid, so how could I fear them?
Without another word, I charged forward with my knives. I chased them, striking left and right, from the South Heaven Gate to Penglai East Road, and then back from Penglai East Road to the South Heaven Gate, back and forth more than ten times. Sword light and shadows, rivers of blood flowed. I fought for three days and three nights without blinking an eye. Cough, cough.”
At this point, I stopped, poured another bowl of wine, and took a drink.
Everyone in the room was captivated by the bragging I was doing, and they all curiously asked me,
“What happened next, Younger Brother?”
“Yes, Big Brother, what happened next?”
…
Seeing their curiosity, I secretly rejoiced. I thought to myself, “What happened next? I just made it up on the spot, there is no ‘next’!”
However, seeing their expressions of belief, I felt embarrassed to say the truth.
Even my Godfather and Uncle Li, these elders, looked like they were waiting for the continuation.
After a moment of contemplation, I continued, “Later, I annihilated those monsters and rescued the children. After some cultivators in the Mortal World learned of this, they all came to pay their respects, and they formed a force called the Flower-Fruit Mountain Thirteen Protectors, proclaiming me their Eldest Brother.”
Seeing that I stopped again.
Gouzi asked,
“And then? And then, Old Ghost?”
“Yes, Younger Brother, what happened after that?”
Ma Mian also asked.
I saw that this was endless? You know I’m awesome, that’s enough! Why keep asking, keep asking? What do you want me to say?
Oh my god, this is the first time I’ve felt such pressure from bragging. If I don’t brag, you’ll look down on me. If I brag, I can’t really cover up these lies. As the saying goes, it’s better to brag about things you’ve actually done, at least then you have evidence. Cough, cough, cough.
Seeing that everyone was endlessly curious, like curious babies, I quickly made an excuse about needing to pee to escape.
Damn it, who knew these bastards all wanted to follow me out?
“Wait a minute, Younger Brother, I’ll go with you, I happen to need to go too.”
“Old Ghost, I’m coming too.”
“Big Brother, I need to pee too.”
“Son…”
“Dazhi’er…”
“Brother…”
…
I…
There was no choice. I came out to pee, and everyone at the table followed me out. A long line formed at the latrine, and we all started to relieve ourselves.
At this moment, my Godfather leaned his head towards me and whispered, “Son, what happened next? After you became the Thirteenth Protector?”
The others, like dogs, perked up their ears, ready to listen.
Seeing this, a wave of black lines instantly appeared in my mind, and I secretly vowed never to brag again!
This is exhausting, and there’s no compensation for it. I’m truly idle.
Big Brother, I quickly shook myself, pulled up my pants, and ran back.
Looking back, when I stopped peeing, they all stopped too and followed behind me, asking “And then? And then?”.
I bragged like this for a day and a night. I was almost spitting from bragging before they finally stopped.
To be honest, I was just fueled by alcohol; otherwise, I wouldn’t have had such stamina.
Several times in between, I was about to fall asleep, but the others took turns nudging me and wouldn’t let me sleep, urging me to tell them more.
I…
…
After temporarily settling down at my Godfather’s house, I took the time to guide my three brothers in their cultivation.
Old Dog told me that he had been away from home for a long time and his mother missed him dearly, wanting him to return to his hometown and do something there, not wanting him to be too far away.
I thought about it. As the saying goes, “When a son travels far, his mother worries.” What mother doesn’t worry about her child who is away from home?
Especially for a long trip where they won’t be back for a while.
I asked Old Dog for his thoughts. Old Dog had thought about it for a long time. He didn’t really want to go back, but his mother wanted him to, and he couldn’t refuse.
She called him frequently to talk about this matter, and over time, it became very annoying for him.
