Chapter 106: Bragging Virus
Uncle Li propped his upper body on the stone table in the courtyard.
With his buttocks sticking out, he pulled down his pants. Damn, his butt was swollen as if it had been stung by a giant hornet.
The bump was so big that even Big Brother himself broke out in a cold sweat.
I swear I brushed my teeth this morning, so why is it so poisonous? Could it be related to the junk food I ate last night?
Seeing Uncle Li’s old face contorting in pain, he gasped and hissed as if he had eaten extremely spicy crisps.
I quickly went into the house, got the liniment, stood behind Uncle Li, poured some liniment into my hands, and slapped it on the bump on his buttocks, giving his old backside a vigorous rub.
“Slap, slap, slap.”
Maybe Big Brother’s force was a bit too much.
This made Uncle Li grimace and groan.
“Mmm~! Ah~! Hiss~!”
“Damn brat, go easier…”
Uncle Li’s big bump didn’t go down for three consecutive days.
After three days, the bump subsided, but he started talking nonsense and bragging.
One moment he said he was the Jade Emperor’s brother-in-law, the next he said he had dated Empress Houtu. He spoke so vividly as if it were true.
We took Uncle Li to the hospital for a check-up. There was nothing wrong with him physically, but the electrical waves in his brain were somewhat abnormal.
I thought to myself, “No way? Did I bite Uncle Li’s butt and damage his brain?”
Did I bite a vital nerve, and the virus transferred along it?
I took Uncle Li to the hospital and booked appointments with various brain specialists. Even several elderly doctors who had lived for tens of thousands of years were baffled.
They said that in all their years of practice, they had never seen such a virus.
Finally, after more than ten experts held over twenty meetings, they managed to give this virus a name: the Bragging Virus.
Its main transmission routes, in addition to normal airborne transmission and contact with infected individuals.
Even reading something written by an infected person could cause infection, which was strange.
In less than a hundred days, the entire Underworld was permeated with this virus.
Some who entered the Underworld and went directly to reincarnation were not affected.
Some were affected as soon as they entered the Underworld and began to brag with their imagined fantasies, sometimes saying the wind was strong, other times saying their urine tasted good. Usually, when I saw someone like that, I would kick them into the Animal Realm of the Six Paths of Rebirth, letting them go back to what they were meant to do.
The most affected were the long-term residents of this place.
Half of them, after being infected, became completely arrogant and self-important, thinking they had suddenly achieved enlightenment. Their bragging was truly impressive, and they especially liked to rationalize their own words. Knowing that Big Brother was the host of the virus, they would come to me from time to time to tell me what they thought the world should be like and how it should be, and they wanted my approval.
When I encountered such people, Big Brother really wanted to recite a powerful incantation to help them attain salvation, but I was afraid that the incantation’s energy was too strong and might make them even more foolish.
So Big Brother did not do that and chose to ignore these people selectively.
The only thing Big Brother was fortunate about was that the other half of the people developed antibodies. Not only were they not affected by the virus, but their own immunity also increased.
They would occasionally come to Big Brother, not boastful or impatient, to say thank you, and would humbly ask Big Brother how to use this virus to improve themselves.
Of course, Big Brother also got himself checked. Apart from the pollen concentration fluctuating recently, there was nothing else abnormal.
The entire Underworld was filled with this virus for a full three years. These three years truly brought about earth-shattering changes to the Underworld.
Some ghosts who were usually muddle-headed became eloquent and skillful. Some who were self-important became cryptic. And some who were already intelligent but didn’t know it, upon being infected with this virus, suddenly had an epiphany and opened the door to cultivation.
Originally, Big Brother felt that the virus originated from him and felt somewhat guilty, but on closer thought, isn’t life just like that?
Just like the Tai Chi yin and yang diagram, things cannot always go as planned. If there is half white, there must be half black; benefits also come with drawbacks.
Fortunately, the old saying goes, a great plague does not last more than three years. In the spring of the fourth year of the virus’s spread, it was gradually brought under control, and those who had become foolish due to the virus gradually recovered.
For those who did not recover, Godfather ordered them to be exiled to the Hungry Ghost Realm for tempering, to let them sober up on their own.
Just as this matter passed, another major event occurred in the Underworld: Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha and Celestial Master Zhong Kui had a dispute over their cultivation concepts.
Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha had made a great vow: “I will not attain Buddhahood until hell is empty,” wishing to save all suffering souls in the Underworld.
Celestial Master Zhong Kui advocated rewarding good and punishing evil. Ghosts who repented were accepted for reformation and allowed to reincarnate, while stubborn evil ghosts were all treated as his appetizers.
Because of this, the two of them would argue and even fight for days on end.
One preached Buddhist teachings of great compassion, while the other preached Daoist teachings of acting on behalf of Heaven.
The Underworld, due to the disagreements between these two great beings, formed two factions. One group, led by Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha, believed that the power of Buddhist Dharma could bring light to people.
One group, led by Celestial Master Zhong Kui, believed in the infallible cycle of heavenly retribution, punishing the wicked and upholding justice according to one’s original heart.
Since Godfather King Yama was a local official, he naturally joined Celestial Master Zhong Kui’s side.
As for Big Brother, who attained enlightenment through Buddhism, he knew that both had their merits and demerits, and that combining them was the best approach.
He did not join either side.
Seeing this, Godfather would have Black and White Impermanence and Ox-Head and Horse-Face find me for drinks frequently, trying to persuade me to join them.
He even forced me to make a choice: either prioritize Buddhism, or revere Daoism.
This put Big Brother in a dilemma. If I prioritized Buddhism, I would inevitably stand against my friends and family. If I revered Daoism, I would have to abandon Buddhist principles and condemn what was truly good as evil.
To be honest, Big Brother didn’t want to choose either of these options. I wanted to continue cultivating Buddhist principles to attain enlightenment, and I also wanted to study Daoist methods to understand Buddhist principles.
Out of desperation, I directly sought out the two great beings to debate the Dharma.
“Whether it is Buddhism or Daoism, must we always argue to determine who is right or wrong to prove something?”
Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha: “Amitabha, sentient beings are ignorant and sink in the sea of suffering, unaware of the true meaning of good and evil. How can we, as practitioners, generalize and neglect them?”
Celestial Master Zhong Kui: “Not so. As the saying goes, everyone has their own destiny, and one cannot force things. To retain goodness and eliminate evil is the supreme principle of the Great Dao of Heaven and Earth. How can we treat doing good and doing evil as the same?”
Hearing what these two had to say, Big Brother’s head began to spin. At first glance, both arguments seemed reasonable.
Although practitioners should indeed do something for sentient beings, guiding them towards the right path regardless of their past actions.
And people truly have their own destinies, and good people and evil people cannot be treated the same.
This? What can I say about this?
