Chapter 56: That Thing That Erupted From The Chrysanthemum
Since the incident where Xue Pan, Old Dog, and I fought monsters, I don’t know how it got out.
Damn it, when we were fighting, not a single person came to help. It’s been half a month, and legends about the three of us have started circulating in the Xuanmen sect.
They even gave the three of us nicknames.
Damn it! I don’t know which idiot did this. If I find out who it was, I’ll draw a hundred five-meter circles and curse them!
Damn it, the nickname they gave Xue Pan is “Swimming Champion of the Chrysanthemum.” The one for Old Dog is “Demon-Expelling Dog Feces Great Master.”
If they had just given those two weird nicknames, I wouldn’t say anything. Damn it, you should have at least given me something like “Chan Xin Sage Piercing the Chrysanthemum,” right?
Damn it! The nickname they gave me is “That Thing That Erupted from the Chrysanthemum!” Oh, fuck your mother!
“That Thing”? Which thing? Am I nameless or what? Brother Fourth, Xue Pan, is at least a swimming champion, and Third Brother, Old Dog, is a Great Master. Damn your Sixth Uncle’s grandmother, the strongest fighter, Big Brother, is called “That Thing” by you!
Even if this was only spread within the Xuanmen sect, I wouldn’t say anything. Now, even ordinary people know about it.
Ahhh! Damn it! This really pisses me off, Big Brother!
It’s gotten to the point where every time I go out to do something, people call me “That Thing.”
So, I just went out to buy some cigarettes.
By the roadside, there were a few snot-nosed brats, and as soon as they saw me, they shouted:
“Hey, look! It’s That Thing That Erupted from the Chrysanthemum!”
“Oh my god, is it really him! It’s indeed That Thing!”
Hearing this, my face turned so dark, I almost became Bao Gong for a whole month.
Seeing my face turning like a pig’s liver from anger, those kids turned and ran. Some were even so scared that they peed themselves while running.
I…
Perhaps the only comfort I could find was that two of the children, judging by their looks, were clearly the intelligent type of talents.
Not only did they not run when they saw me, but they also bravely asked for my autograph. I truly admired their courage.
It’s just that their request for an autograph was slightly different from others.
They didn’t want me to sign with my hand, saying that signing with my hand wouldn’t show the prestige of someone as awesome as me.
They said that only if I used my chrysanthemum to sign would it match my “That Thing” invincible temperament! Cough cough cough!
If adults spoke to me like that, I would definitely teach them how to be a new person.
But facing these little brats who still haven’t learned to control their bowels, what could I do?
Sigh…
I have no choice! Who told you Big Brother is kind.
So, under their shocked gazes and infinite worship, I arrogantly stretched out my hand, took off my pants, clamped a hollow brush I specifically used for signing between my buttocks, and with a forceful effort, I viciously wrote seven big characters on their palms: “Invincible Zen Heart Great Master” followed by an exclamation mark.
This made them incredibly happy. They looked down at the white paper in their right hand, which they had prepared for me to sign, and then at my hot, impressive calligraphy on their left palms.
For a moment, they were so moved they couldn’t speak, and ran home crying, shouting excitedly, “Wuwuwu! Mom! Mom…”
Seeing their small retreating figures, I knew that these two children would surely become extraordinary individuals when they grew up, far beyond ordinary people.
Thinking this, I couldn’t help but put my hands behind my back and let out a compassionate laugh like Buddha’s: “Wahaha! Hahaha…”
Just as I was feeling incredibly moved by my own compassionate act.
The mothers of those two children came out of their homes aggressively.
Seeing their excited expressions, I thought:
“Fuck! It’s just signing autographs for the kids, why do the adults have to come out to thank me personally? What a big deal is this?”
Who knew that these two female heroes, upon seeing me, directly started yelling:
“Fuck your mother! You’re bullying children!”
“Today, I will chop you up, you brat!”
While cursing me, they also pulled out two kitchen knives from behind them.
Damn it, when I saw this situation, I realized something was wrong!
It’s not like anyone would pull out a kitchen knife to thank someone, right? And they seemed to be cursing me just now.
Damn it! Fortunately, I reacted quickly, turned around, and ran. As soon as they saw me run, they chased after me, yelling.
“Don’t run, you brat!”
“You son of a bitch, Chan Xin! Let me break your legs!”
Fuck! Look, are those fans on TV called fans? Just holding up signs and shouting is called being a fan?
Look at these two, they not only chased me but also want to break my legs! Fuck, this is what you call being a fan! I even lost my shoes!
…
After enduring all sorts of hardships, I finally managed to shake off those two crazy fanatical women and arrived at Old Dog’s doorstep. A group of people were aggressively blocking the entrance, waiting for me.
Damn it! Why are you all here? And so many of you, as if I’m afraid of you!
Don’t they know, Big Brother is a cultivator! Am I afraid of mortals?
Fuck! Besides, in this village, Old Dog’s house isn’t my only place to stay.
Speaking of which, a hero needs three homes. If I can’t stay at Old Dog’s, isn’t there Second Brother Jin Chan Jin Buque’s place?
After a tactical retreat, I went directly to Second Brother’s house.
I squatted at Second Brother’s doorstep and shouted down the well: “Second Brother! Ah Que! Big Brother has come to see you! Come out quickly!”
“Quack quack!”
“Holy crap! Holy crap, Big Brother, why are you here?”
Jin Buque came out of the water while pulling up his pants.
I thought, what’s with this guy? Does wearing pants affect his swimming speed?
Oh my god! Before I could say anything.
“Quack quack.”
With two more toad croaks, a female toad, completely green, emerged from the water.
Hmm? What’s going on here?
I looked back and forth between Jin Buque and this female toad with doubt.
The female toad became a bit shy under my gaze and hid behind Jin Buque.
Jin Buque scratched his head awkwardly and said, “Haha, Big Brother, this is my girlfriend, Frog Xiao Juan, hehehe.”
He then pointed at me and introduced me to the green toad behind him, “Hey, Juan’er, hey, this is the very divine and invincible Big Brother I always told you about, my Big Brother, That Thing That Erupted from the Chrysanthemum, uh~! No! It’s Invincible Zen Heart Great Master!”
Damn it, I didn’t hear Second Brother mention he had a partner before!
Fuck, how can I live here? If I stay here, with two half-meter-sized toads croaking “guagua guagua” all night, even if they aren’t awkward, I will be.
Thinking this, I casually made up some excuses:
“Um, it’s okay, sister-in-law. You and Second Brother, you two be busy! Uh, Big Brother just happened to pass by and wanted to take a look! You two continue your croaking. That, I’m leaving.”
After speaking, before Second Brother could say anything else, I turned and left.
Cough cough cough, just kidding. There might be other things Big Brother doesn’t understand, but this matter, Big Brother understands!
Because at this moment, my mind recalled the opening narration from Animal World,
“Friends, spring has arrived, and it’s the season for all things to revive and toads to mate…”
…
