Chapter 71: Huang Luoshi Ran Away
This matter had only just passed a few days, and to say that this younger sister was truly a persistent person.
I don’t know what method she used, but she actually ran to Gouzi’s house again to find me, which left me speechless.
“Younger sister, it’s really not that your big brother doesn’t want to help others. You say I can only fart a few times a day, this is a coincidence, your big brother truly doesn’t have that function!”
I directly refused.
Alas, I really don’t dare to agree to her. Thinking about it, what if I had agreed, and she set up a factory and a production line or something, and I had to squat there, with over two hundred workers waiting for me to fart and pack every day, my head would go numb.
Cough cough cough.
But this younger sister, I don’t know what her problem is. It seems she treats me like Zhuge Liang from the Three Kingdoms. I’ve already refused twice, but she’s still not giving up.
“Big Brother, please don’t be humble. I’ll tell you the truth, after I lost weight, I had a full body check-up. My body not only had no major issues, but my skin age also became at least ten years younger. If this isn’t your merit, how could it be possible? Besides you, Big Brother, who else in this world has farts with such power?”
Hearing this, I was truly speechless. Although I am a cultivator, occasionally my farts might carry some immortal qi, but that’s also random!
After all, I haven’t transcended to that extent yet, I wouldn’t dare to agree.
So I found an excuse and said:
“No, younger sister, your big brother doesn’t have a medical license, nor any aesthetic medical certifications. If I were to really agree to you, and then a group of self-proclaimed experts came out, using the excuse of my lack of a medical license to deal with your big brother, wouldn’t that be troublesome for me?”
Hearing this, the young woman not only didn’t back down, but was overjoyed.
“Haha, you don’t need to worry about that, Big Brother. My husband has good connections in the city. He said he doesn’t even need you to show up. As long as he has your identity information, let alone a medical license, he can get you any certificate you want. It’s no big deal.”
Speechless…
I suspect this younger sister’s husband might be a forger.
Seeing that no matter what I said, this younger sister refused to give up, I was also very helpless.
Imagine, how could I, a cultivator, make a living by selling farts? Wouldn’t that be a joke to other fellow Daoists if word got out?
If you wanted to sell some consecrated magic tools or something with me, I might have been able to help you. But you want to sell my farts. Which immortal cultivator would agree to this?
So, I impatiently put on a stern face and strictly refused:
“No! I definitely cannot agree. Younger sister, you should leave. Don’t come again. No matter what you say, I won’t agree.”
Seeing that I turned hostile so quickly, the younger sister was stunned at first, and then it seemed her princess syndrome acted up again.
“You’re something else! I’ve asked you so nicely and you still won’t agree. No one has ever rejected me like this since I was little! You just wait!”
After the younger sister finished her threat, she stomped her foot, glared at me fiercely, turned her head, and left.
Oh my god! Who did I offend? I’m creating enemies by just farting! …
“Old Ghost, what did that young woman want with you?”
After the younger sister left, Old Dog, having finished sunning dog feces, came into the house and asked curiously.
I said helplessly, “Believe it or not, she wants to buy my farts?”
Upon hearing this, Old Dog immediately said without even thinking; “I believe it, I definitely believe it! People even buy dog feces, so what’s wrong with human farts?”
“Damn it!”
Old Dog continued, “It’s also strange, isn’t it, Old Ghost?”
“What is it?”
“Why are these people so bored and have nothing better to do? Some people sell canned air, some sell blind box trash, and now someone even wants to sell human farts! Damn it! People nowadays are really unbelievably absurd!”
Come to think of it, what Old Dog said made a lot of sense.
I shook my head and gave a bitter smile.
“Who’s to say? If it were back in the past when people were starving and couldn’t get enough to eat, none of these messy things would happen. Eating dumplings during the New Year would make people so happy they’d play around.
Nowadays, people, I really don’t know what to say. They’re so idle that they’re getting sick, and they’re not normal anymore.
Either they blame immortals for back pain and butt pain, or they blame immortals for being too lazy to work, and they just don’t look for reasons within themselves. They pray to gods and Buddhas, spend five yuan on incense, and then expect to win five million.
Cough cough cough.
If praying to gods and Buddhas had that function, then why would your big brother bother cultivating immortality?
I would just kowtow at home all day.”
Hearing my words, Old Dog burst into laughter.
“That’s right! If praying to gods and Buddhas had that function, then I would also burn incense and kowtow at home every day. I wouldn’t do anything else.
Then the gods and Buddhas would just throw money and beauties down.
I’d catch them with a sack down here.
Damn it, wouldn’t I be invincible then? Once I speak, wouldn’t seven or eight presidents receive me wherever I go? Hahaha.”
Seeing that the kid was fantasizing so much that he couldn’t come out of it, I quickly interrupted and said;
“Stop it, let’s not fantasize.
Look at those true devotees who just kowtow and burn incense at home all day, they are almost like lunatics. Anyone who claims to see something from a cigarette butt and calls themselves a god, and those who don’t are just people. I say, isn’t that just looking at a cigarette butt and fantasizing? They make it seem so magical.”
“Alas, don’t say it, Old Ghost, I’ve actually seen that kind of thing. A video of a cigarette butt, and the comments below said they saw all sorts of things, and then the devoted immortals replied one by one, saying what they saw was correct. Oh my god! And then these idiots believe it! I’m speechless.”
“Cough, we can’t manage foolish people with too much money. What we can do is manage ourselves, put our hearts into what we’re doing, and do what we should do.”
“That’s true. Well, I’m not going to talk to you anymore, I have to go practice.”
After Old Dog left, I also pondered for a while, then continued to meditate.
In the evening, Xue Pan came to find me for a drink.
Damn it, this guy didn’t say anything, just kept drinking with me glass after glass.
I wondered what was wrong with this guy. Was he feeling pressure from collecting scrap? To my surprise, he started crying the next second.
“Wuwuwu, Big Brother, Big Brother Huang Luoshi ran away with some guy driving a BMW. She said I’m useless and incompetent, and that I can’t provide her with the life she wants by collecting scrap. Wuwuwu, Big Brother, it hurts, my heart aches!”
Hearing this, damn it! I thought something serious had happened! So it was just a romantic setback. What’s the big deal? Isn’t this quite normal? What good man hasn’t experienced something similar?
I said to console him; “Damn it! Is it just about one woman? Is it worth it? What, you can’t live without her?”
“It’s not like that, Big Brother, I really love her. For her, I, a lecherous ghost, reformed, raised cows, fed dogs, and collected scrap. Haven’t I done all these things to give her a stable life? Wuwu, who knew that in the end, I was just an idiot, Big Brother, I’m a big idiot…”
Alas… what can I say about this? Did Huang Luoshi initially choose Old Fourth because of money? Old Fourth didn’t have money back then either, and he was a lecherous ghost who roamed the romantic field. But at that time, Huang Luoshi didn’t ask for anything, didn’t demand anything, she just wanted to live a good life with Xue Pan.
But the human heart can change. It’s one thing now, another then. At that time, maybe she didn’t care about anything, but once she had experienced a life without money for too long, it’s inevitable that other thoughts would arise.
I can’t say Huang Luoshi was wrong, nor can I say she was right. This is actually the normal pattern of the human heart.
