Chapter 76: The Nine-lived Cat Demon
I’m a straightforward person. I don’t like wasting words. When there’s business, we do it. When there’s nothing, we just stay put.
Before I could even say anything, she started cursing at me. So, could I tolerate her?
Third Uncle wanted to curse back at her a couple of times, but I stopped him with a gesture.
“You old hag, uh, no, I mean, Third Uncle, you rest for a bit, let me handle this.”
Besides, I couldn’t have eaten that chicken yesterday for nothing,
So I stepped forward, pointed at the old woman, and cursed at her; “Screw you! I’ve been cultivating immortality for so long, I can snatch from heaven above, snatch from earth below, and even snatch air in between!
You son of a bitch, I haven’t even said I’m going to eat you yet, and you want to use me as a snack? Are you really tired of living?
I’m advising you, get out of the old woman right now! Go wherever you belong! Otherwise, Big Brother will make you die!”
The old woman was furious after being cursed at. She really didn’t expect a human like me to dare curse at her.
She let out a sinister laugh; “Jie jie jie, ga ga ga…”
Then she started calling for backup. I don’t know what kind of divine tune she was singing, but she opened her mouth and started with; “Old immortal, oh old immortal, I’ll shoot my firecrackers when I have nothing to do, old immortal, oh old immortal, I’ll watch adult movies when I have nothing to do…”
Hearing her sing this nonsense, I knew she wasn’t a proper immortal. What proper immortal watches adult movies?
I thought to myself, instead of waiting for her to call for backup, I’ll just attack her!
“Bang!” With that, the Nine-Lived Cat Demon thing she summoned arrived.
Normally, this Nine-Lived Cat Demon would be like a nine-tailed fox, with nine tails. So, after Third Uncle took three of its lives, shouldn’t it have six tails left?
Why do I see nine tails?
I turned and gave Third Uncle a questioning look.
Seeing this, Third Uncle scratched his old face and muttered softly; “Oh dear, I remember I clearly took three of its lives! How did it recover so quickly?”
Hearing this, I rolled my eyes at him. I thought, “Fuck! It’s not that it recovered quickly! You were just bragging to me! Who can recover that fast?
It takes a hundred years to recover after losing a few lives, doesn’t it? Are you just playing Contra? And even that requires the Konami code!”
Just admit you lost, you don’t have to make up excuses about it recovering quickly. How presumptuous of you!
Seeing the Nine-Lived Cat Demon appear behind her, the old woman became incredibly arrogant,
“Kid, you can still leave now, otherwise, this old woman will use you to sacrifice to my Old Ancestor!”
I ignored the old woman and carefully observed this Nine-Lived Cat Demon. I realized it wasn’t its true self, but likely a divine ability, summoning a clone of its true self to help it fight.
I knew it. If they’ve cultivated to immortality, who has the leisure to fight down here?
What fear do I have of a mere clone?
With that thought, I continued to curse; “Don’t even bother summoning your Old Ancestor’s clone! Even if you summon its true body, Young Master will still fight it! You bullied my Third Uncle, that’s like slapping me in the face! Fuck!”
Hearing me say this, Third Uncle was deeply moved. His gaze towards me became even more affectionate.
Alright, since I’m here and they’ve summoned reinforcements, let’s fight. What else is there to say? Cough cough cough.
“Heaven and Earth Without Limit! Heaven and Earth Borrow Law! Yin and Yang Suppress! Principle Penetrates Profound!”
“Buzz!”
After the incantation, I directly summoned the Ancient Buddha Phantom.
Actually, I didn’t need to chant the incantation to use my divine ability. I only did it to show off.
I fought the Nine-Lived Cat Demon, and Third Uncle fought the Cat-Faced Old Woman. The battle was fierce.
I was sweating profusely. I have to admit, this Nine-Lived Cat Demon clone was really something, quite powerful, it even cracked my Ancient Buddha Phantom!
On Third Uncle’s side, without the Nine-Lived Cat Demon suppressing him, that old bastard was pulling the old woman’s hair and landing a barrage of blows, making the old woman cry with snot and tears.
Third Uncle was so delighted, he cursed as he fought; “You little bitch son of a whore, I’ll see if you dare be arrogant with me again! Third Uncle will kill you!”
“Boom! Bang bang bang!”
It’s not that I wasn’t trying hard enough, but this Nine-Lived Cat Demon clone was incredibly tough. It was about to shatter my Ancient Buddha Phantom.
I quickly shouted; “Third Uncle, retreat! Quickly retreat! I can’t hold on much longer!”
Third Uncle wasn’t a fool. Although he was enjoying beating up the old woman, he was also keeping an eye on my battle.
Hearing my words, Third Uncle landed two quick blows on the old woman’s face, then instantly flashed back.
As I retreated, with a loud “Dong!”, I “Pfft!” and spat out a mouthful of fresh blood.
Seeing this, Third Uncle rushed to support my swaying body and asked with concern; “How are you, Dazhi’er, are you okay?”
I glanced at Third Uncle and thought, “Are you blind? I’m spitting blood, and you’re asking if I’m okay?”
Mustering the strength to resist the urge to faint, I spoke weakly; “The wind is strong, let’s, let’s get out of here.”
Hearing this, Third Uncle left behind a harsh warning; “Fuck you, you all wait for me!”
He picked me up and turned into a gust of black wind, and the two of us ran away.
…
After returning to the Northeast Yellow Weasel Headquarters, Third Uncle used his energy to heal me. While healing me, he asked; “Dazhi’er, weren’t you quite fierce when we fought before? Why did you go soft so quickly this time?”
I was already internally injured, and upon hearing him ask that, I couldn’t help but spit out another mouthful of precious blood. “Pfft!”
Seeing this, Third Uncle actually thought his healing was effective and that I was spitting out clotted blood.
“Well, Dazhi’er, hurry up and get better. Fuck, I had a great time fighting today. When you get better, we’ll go again, and we’ll kill that old woman!”
I swear! Just stop talking, or you’ll make me die!
I “Pfft~!”
Just as Third Uncle was about to say something else, I, suppressing the urge to vomit blood again, roared; “Just stop fucking talking, or I’ll die!”
Dammit, only then did that carefree old bastard become a bit more honest.
Oh, fuck! I didn’t die helping him fight, but I almost died of anger from him.
You old bastard, I’ll go home quickly when I’m healed. This carefree, thoughtless bastard.
Half a month later, my injuries had mostly healed. For the past half month, Third Uncle had been helping me cultivate my energy every day and sent people to find many heavenly materials and earthly treasures to stew chicken for me.
This made me gain a lot of weight, so much so that I looked twice as fat.
At this point, Third Uncle asked me if we should go beat up the old woman again sometime.
I was originally planning to run away, but since I had eaten a lot of good things, my realm had improved significantly. After being beaten, I also felt a bit unwilling to back down. So, I went with the carefree old bastard again.
