Chapter 101:
“You said, tell me not to care about those minor details, she can’t affect me,”
she sneered, looking him up and down, “How could she not affect me? In my eyes, she’s the woman you hold to sleep with.”
Her gaze was mocking, Lu Ziyan’s face turned ugly, “I didn’t…”
Xie Wanning ignored him and continued, “Do you know how torn I felt inside every time you came to Shao Guang Courtyard and pulled me onto the couch?”
“I tried telling myself that few men in this world don’t take concubines, it’s only right for you to have concubines, I shouldn’t be petty and nitpick, I should learn to be magnanimous and be a virtuous and dignified Marquis’s Wife.”
Her tone was calm, yet every word was incisive, Lu Ziyan’s heart sank to the bottom, he took a step forward wanting to stop her from continuing, but Xie Wanning’s voice was already ringing in his ears.
“But I couldn’t do it,” she said, “When you kiss me, I can’t help but think, who has this mouth of yours kissed, where on them have you kissed, when you hold me, I think again, how do you perform on their couches, is the force strong, do you demand just as endlessly.”
“I can’t control those thoughts,” she showed disgust on her face, “Every time we’re intimate, it makes me sick to the point of wanting to vomit.”
This was the truth she’d held back her whole life, but at that time she was his wife, saying these words would only make her more humiliated and ridiculous, without any use.
Now it’s different, now she has no scruples, she doesn’t need to wrong herself anymore, nor pretend anymore.
She just finds him disgusting.
Lu Ziyan seemed dumbfounded, staring blankly at her lips opening and closing, listening to her spit out heart-piercing words.
Those bits and pieces he repeatedly used for consolation over those years, she said they made her sick to the point of vomiting.
Those memories were the drive that kept him alive for five years, but in her eyes, they were actually so unbearable.
His face turned deathly pale, unwilling to hear her continue.
“Only you, I’ve only kissed you, only held you, don’t think of me like that, the only one I’ve always wanted is you,” he paused, then said, “I’ve only slept holding you alone.”
By the end, his lingering tone actually carried a bit of grievance.
All the murderous aura, all the stern arrogance, gone, at this moment, he was like a misunderstood youth.
Xie Wanning pursed her lips looking at him, somewhat at a loss for words.
The room quieted down, the two were only an arm’s length apart, her scent with her breathing, little by little winding into his nose.
It was her usual white magnolia fragrance.
She didn’t know how much he loved her scent.
He loved holding her in his arms most, kissing her body.
Her sheep fat white jade-like skin, warmed bit by bit by him, dyed with pink.
Even now, with their relationship at this point, he still couldn’t resist everything about her.
He had long known she was his addiction.
Lu Ziyan’s eyes flickered slightly, his spine gradually tensing.
Such a change, Xie Wanning noticed almost instantly, she frowned and retreated two more steps until her back pressed against the windowsill, no further retreat possible.
Her series of reactions made a curve tug at Lu Ziyan’s lip, he stood in place without approaching, only lifting his eyes to look at her, chuckling.
“Wanwan really understands me.”
They had been a couple for two years, intimate beyond intimacy.
Xie Wanning looked away, disgusted: “Beast!”
Just now still shedding tears, word by word laying bare his heart, explaining his hardships, he was even injured, yet in such a situation, while talking, he could get aroused.
If not a beast, what is he?
Lu Ziyan hummed, not angry at being cursed.
“Say whatever you want, I won’t deny it.” His gaze fell on her delicate face, “Even if I’m a beast, I’ve only gotten hard for you alone.”
Such words, he actually had the face to say them out loud.
Vulgar and unbearable, it dirtied her ears.
Xie Wanning gained yet another layer of understanding of his shamelessness, her cheeks flushed red, glaring at him in anger.
After a long while, she gritted her teeth: “I don’t believe it.”
His long-winded speech wasn’t just to say he himself was pure?
“I don’t believe your words, don’t believe you haven’t touched Liu Manrou and Er Xia.” Thinking of Er Xia, her face grew colder, word by word: “After all, you and Er Xia did it, right in my courtyard?”
Her words just fell, Lu Ziyan’s face changed, “Er Xia’s matter came suddenly, when I found out who was behind her, I couldn’t care about anything, no time to slowly pull out this thorn.”
“I confronted her, gave her two choices, die directly, or turn to my side, she chose to betray her master to live.”
“But she was your personal maidservant, I absolutely couldn’t let such a two-faced person serve your daily life again,”
He thought of the dream where this young lady stood rigidly outside the warm room hearing the movements inside, smiled somewhat helplessly, “At that time I only wanted you to cut ties with her forever, I was stupid, only thought of this method.”
No method makes a master despise a maidservant more than the maid climbing into bed.
How stupid he was, single-mindedly wanting her away from Er Xia, away from all possible dangers, completely forgetting that doing so would make him what in her eyes.
Who was despised, not just Er Xia alone.
After the Er Xia incident, she became like a different person before him, that girl who smiled sweetly at him was gone forever.
Xie Wanning beside him had no mind for romantic love, hearing his words, she only felt incredulous.
“Er Xia is a family-born servant of our Xie Residence, her parents and brothers are all family-born servants in the residence, whose person could she be?”
The personal maidservant Madam Zheng chose for her daughter certainly couldn’t be of unknown origin.
Er Xia and Er Qing were both Xie Family family-born servants, parents and brothers, generation after generation were Xie Family servants.
When Xie Wanning married, Er Xia was a dowry maidservant, her whole family still working in Xie Residence, their contracts of servitude still held by Madam Zheng the matriarch.
Er Xia as a dowry maidservant climbing into the son-in-law’s bed was distasteful, but such maidservants weren’t rare in great noble houses.
Xie Wanning always thought this maidservant just had ambitions too high, dreaming of becoming a concubine.
But what was he saying?
Er Xia had served by her side since childhood, how could she have another master?
She was shocked to disbelief, but Lu Ziyan just looked at her, gaze gentle, quiet.
From knowing he wasn’t a blood Lu Family member, the answer she’d subconsciously avoided thinking about appeared in her mind.
In his gaze, Xie Wanning’s lips moved, stiffly spitting out a few words.
Her expression panicked, like a startled little deer staring at him, this gaze made Lu Ziyan unable to hold back anymore.
She retreated three steps, Lu Ziyan only took one step, gripped her wrist and pulled her back, hugging her tightly into his arms.
“Don’t be afraid, Wanwan don’t be afraid, no one can harm you even a bit anymore.”
“…How could it be like this.” Xie Wanning’s expression was dazed.
Er Xia being Xie Family was undeniable, but Xie Family had many people, her master not necessarily only herself.
For example, her aunt, that first rank Imperial Consort Shu in the imperial palace, was the Xie Family’s previous generation eldest legitimate daughter.
Speaking of it, Er Xia’s mother… had once been a maidservant in her aunt’s courtyard.
But when Imperial Consort Shu entered the palace, her rank wasn’t high, entering as a consort, the dowry couldn’t overstep.
Personal maidservants certainly couldn’t all be brought into the palace, only two capable ones selected, and Er Xia’s mother was one left behind.
Er Xia was actually her aunt’s person.
Then…
As if doused with a bucket of ice water, Xie Wanning couldn’t help shivering, “My aunt wants to harm me?”
“Yes,” Lu Ziyan tightened his arms, voice low: “The Western Regions secret poison isn’t something a boudoir young lady can obtain, Lu Xiyao was bewitched by someone.”
Who specifically, he didn’t say, but Xie Wanning could guess.
After all, before entering the family temple, she’d overheard about Lu Xiyao’s marriage engagement, seeming to enter First Prince’s residence as side consort.
Though a side consort, at that time First Prince’s prestige in court was at its peak, crown prince position within reach.
Lu Xiyao as side consort, in future unlikely without an imperial consort position, not a low marriage, but actually an extremely good marriage.
However, such a good deed came to nothing under Lu Ziyan’s opposition.
Lu Xiyao was only half a year younger than her, an eighteen-year-old young lady, good marriage rejected by her elder brother, yet not unhappy at all, instead turned to send her a jade bracelet, harming her to death.
With her death, Lu Ziyan’s wife’s position emptied.
Once his identity was restored…
Xie Wanning took a deep breath, feeling she truly died unjustly.
She struggled free of his arms, raised her eyes: “Tell me, after my death, their consequences.”
Lu Ziyan followed her force, easily pushed away by her.
His lowered eyes seemed veiled in a thin mist, quietly looking at her for a few breaths.
“They made me suffer the pain of losing my loved one, living worse than death, I…” At this point, he paused, turned his face away: “I don’t want to say.”
He didn’t want to deceive her anymore, nor see disgust for a madman in her eyes.
Xie Wanning was silent for a moment, vaguely understanding something.
In short, those people’s consequences wouldn’t be good.
A man who commanded troops at fourteen, went to battlefield at sixteen, accustomed to bloodshed, in a mad state, his revenge methods would only be ruthlessly beyond her imagination.
In a short time, the past life truths learned from his mouth made Xie Wanning’s mind turbulent repeatedly, her brain somewhat chaotic, momentarily not knowing what to say.
The room fell into silence.
From the corner of her eye she could see outside the window completely dark, Xie Wanning pursed her lips, about to take leave, when the man’s slightly hoarse voice rose before her.
“Wanwan,” his lips moved twice, arduously opening: “Divorce him, okay? I can’t live without you.”
“I know everything is my fault, you don’t owe me anything, it’s all me owing you,” he gripped her wrist, gave her a stiff smile, “Give me a chance to make amends, can you?”
His dark eyes gathered specks of starlight, like a drowning man grasping driftwood, somewhat fearful, somewhat pleading as he looked at her.
Such affectionate eyes, no matter which lovestruck girl saw them couldn’t remain unmoved.
But before him was Xie Wanning.
The Xie Wanning who loved him to the point of fear.
She was indeed hurt by him to have sequelae, if before, knowing he loved her so deeply, she would certainly be overjoyed.
But now, seeing this gaze, her first reaction wasn’t moved, wasn’t joy, she clearly felt her heart calm and waveless.
Even feeling somewhat heavy.
Those obsessive affections were already separated by one lifetime.
Now she had the memory of dying once, no longer immersed in romantic love, she only wanted to live peaceful days, and could no longer recall how it felt when she was infatuated with him back then.
Loving him almost to losing herself, treated coldly time and again, yet still holding naive fantasies about him.
Truly stupid.
Such foolishness, she would never have again.
Xie Wanning blinked, inexplicably nose souring, for that herself full of love.
“Don’t cry.” The young lady before him had reddened eyelids, Lu Ziyan panicked, he feared most seeing her cry.
Commanding on the battlefield without changing expression, but seeing her eyes redden, his cold hard heart shook fiercely.
Disgusted by his hypocritical concern, Xie Wanning looked away too lazy to see, the next instant was embraced by him.
“It’s all my fault, I brought it on myself, I reap what I sow, but Wanwan, I can’t let you go, no matter what I can’t let you go, if I could let you go, I wouldn’t have lived as a madman.”
“Whether you remarry another, no longer love me, or shift affections to someone else, I don’t care anymore, you don’t know that feeling, I dare not experience it again, can’t care about so much, I only want you.”
His low, hoarse voice close to her ear, faintly carrying a mad obsession.
Xie Wanning’s whole body stiffened, somewhat afraid, somewhat repulsed.
She thought of that dream.
The dream where he looked at her old clothes, overwhelming despair surrounding him.
Her breathing hitched, she struggled hard to break free of his embrace.
“I won’t divorce.”
Her voice was very light, yet every word entered his ears, Lu Ziyan’s barely maintained calm somewhat unraveled, his eyes chilled, then instantly dissipated.
“No matter what unavoidable hardships you had, those harms are already fact, the two years I married you, not a single day was happy, in the end even scolded wicked woman by you pointing at my nose, even Er Qing…”
Yes, and Er Qing!
Thinking of Er Qing stripped of trousers, beaten to death with staff punishment, the tears she’d held back for so long finally fell, “Er Qing also implicated by me, died in your Lu Family, it was you who personally ordered it.”
She could not care about her own grievances, after all it was her choice, she insisted on marrying him, whatever cold treatment was self-inflicted.
But what wrong did Er Qing have!
She sneered coldly, “Are you going to tell me Er Qing was also my aunt’s person?”
Lu Ziyan did want to say that, after all that was last lifetime’s matter, she wouldn’t know the truth.
But he truly didn’t want to deceive her even a bit more.
So, asked this, he was speechless, lips parted, after a long while, said: “You want to hear the truth?”
Seeing his tone, as if there was still some hidden story.
Xie Wanning’s heart jumped, fearing to hear her other maidservant also betrayed her master.
Received news, 27-31 five days Hongxiu tickets double event, dear ones’ tickets all stay for this book.
Author working hard to stockpile drafts, only Hongxiu tickets are the drive for explosive updates~~~
Lately plot writing difficult, revise and edit after each finish, fill and patch, just want perfection.
The hardest explanatory part mostly done, from today, starting to resume normal updates.
