Chapter 38:
Of noble birth and achieving success at a young age, Lu Ziyan had never needed to explain himself to anyone all these years.
But today, such heartfelt words from him, enduring shame like a woman of the inner chambers and bringing up his own purity, were lightly dismissed by the other party with just three words, making his expression instantly stiffen.
His voice was cold and stern: “A man of integrity dares to act and dares to take responsibility. If I had touched another woman, I certainly would not deceive you.”
A grown man was truly fixated on this topic of his own purity.
It should have been amusing, but Xie Wanning’s face showed no trace of a smile. She lowered her eyes to look at him, her tone faint: “You insist on me making it clear before you’ll agree to a dignified breaking off of the engagement, right?”
The two exchanged a glance, and Lu Ziyan’s heart sank slightly: “Speak. Tell me all the reasons why you are so determined to break off the engagement.”
At least let him know where he had gone wrong to make her so resolute, leaving no room at all.
“Alright, since you insist on laying everything out before you’ll let go, then I’ll explain it to you properly.” Xie Wanning nodded slowly and sat down again.
The hall was silent for a long time.
She spoke: “Suppose I take everything you just said as the truth. Then, on the day you returned to the capital, when Liu Manrou rushed at me calling me elder sister over and over, why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
Lu Ziyan’s breathing hitched, and he was momentarily speechless from her question.
Indeed, it wasn’t some family secret. In the end, it was just the bloodline his Second Uncle had left outside. Even if it spread, it would only evoke a few sighs of pity, and the only one affected would be his Second Aunt.
She wasn’t the type to keep secrets. Was there any need to hide this from her?
If he had told her the truth earlier, would she have been so petty as to refuse to let him give a second wife concubine title to his elder brother’s concubine?
Lu Ziyan’s chest felt stuffy, and the scene from that day kept flashing before his eyes.
Under the rose bush, she pointed at Liu Manrou, anxiously asking, “Who is this?”
He responded impatiently.
Her expression was stubborn, seeking an answer: “Can you promise to be like my father for life, taking no second wife, only me?”
He scoffed at her naivety.
She choked up, her voice trembling, still wanting to know if he and Liu Manrou had already had an intimate relationship.
But from beginning to end, he ignored her, completely disregarding her feelings.
What had he been thinking at the time?
He had only felt her questioning was aggressive, lacking her usual gentle and considerate nature.
He…
“Can’t answer?” Xie Wanning glanced lightly at him. “Then let me say it.”
She said unhurriedly: “Because deep down, you were certain I couldn’t leave you, so whether you kept a maidservant or took a concubine, you didn’t need to consider my feelings. You didn’t need to explain Liu Manrou’s true identity to me, because no matter what, I would be bewitched into liking you.”
“No!” Lu Ziyan’s usually cold voice trembled lightly: “Wanwan… it’s not like that.”
“Right, and not just that.”
Xie Wanning suddenly turned her gaze to him, smiling softly as she said: “I guess you also felt I wasn’t obedient and well-behaved enough, actually daring to question you like that, so you started using your methods for training subordinates, deliberately suppressing my temperament, making me gradually learn to compromise with you, to obey and be loyal.”
Hadn’t that been exactly what he did all these years?
She was a noble daughter of a prominent family, pampered by her parents and doted on by her elder brother, with a truly proud disposition. But as soon as she entered the Wuyuan Marquis’s Estate, she spontaneously learned to restrain herself, becoming his gentle and sensible fiancée.
She was also very considerate, always feeling he had exhausted his mind at the imperial court and reluctant to trouble him with her concerns. Whenever she was unhappy, she would comfort herself.
Once she had coaxed herself well, she would go back to revolving around him.
Over the years, she had invested so much effort, too much to afford to lose, too much that even when he was cold to her, she never thought of leaving him.
In the dream, hadn’t she been dead set on marrying him?
If the dream hadn’t been so tragic, with her losing utterly, how could she have such clarity now?
Lu Ziyan’s face was deathly pale, drained of all color, as if plunged into an ice cellar. He gripped her hand tightly, forcing a smile: “So this is what you think of me?”
His smile was hideous. Xie Wanning glanced at it once and turned her head away, her gaze falling on their clasped hands.
In the years she had revolved around him, he had never taken the initiative to hold her hand or embrace her.
Actually, back then she had been foolishly infatuated, full of him in her heart and eyes. If he had wanted to be more intimate with her before marriage, she probably wouldn’t have refused.
But most of the time, it was she who actively took his arm and drew close. He would at most give her a faint glance, dine with her, and nothing else improper.
And now, with things escalated to breaking off the engagement, during these recent meetings, he always found ways to have physical contact.
He had practiced martial arts and gripped spears for years, with a thin layer of calluses at the base of his thumb, but it didn’t detract from the attractiveness of these hands.
Long finger bones, broad palm, clearly full of strength.
Unlike the noble young masters in the capital, his skin wasn’t fair. Compared to her slender, fair hand, the color difference was somewhat dazzling.
She stared fixedly for a long time, murmuring: “Where did I go wrong in my thinking? You’ve never cared about my feelings. What you want is absolute authority over me, my obedience, my sensibility.”
After leading troops for so long, did one develop such a commanding temperament?
Or perhaps…
“Lu Ziyan, actually, there’s another reason you didn’t plan to tell me Liu Manrou’s true identity…”
She took a deep breath and looked up at him: “As you said, you would eventually take a concubine. Liu Manrou is just the vanguard. Whether she’s your woman doesn’t matter; what’s important is you’ll have other women later, so of course you wouldn’t bother explaining a mere concubine to me.”
As she spoke, she found it somewhat amusing: “You probably also worried that if you seriously explained her identity to me, it would hinder you when you truly wanted to take a concubine later.”
In the dream, with Liu Manrou setting a good precedent, taking Er Xia as a concubine was perfectly natural, with no objections.
After all, it wasn’t his first time taking a concubine. One meant there would be two; what was there to be surprised about?
She had only dreamed of two years. If she hadn’t died, and life continued, he might have a third concubine, a fourth…
Thinking of her foolish self in the dream, Xie Wanning murmured softly: “I’ll never be that foolish again.”
Her words, each one like a sharp blade, pierced and penetrated Lu Ziyan.
His rigid, straight back trembled slightly, yet he was speechless.
He couldn’t even utter a single word of explanation.
At this moment, whatever he said would only seem pale and weak.
He also asked himself in his heart: Is this what you think?
…Do you really not think this way?
