Chapter 39:
After a long while, Lu Ziyan’s lips parted, his voice trembling: “It’s my fault. From now on, I will treat you well and never make you sad again. For the rest of my life, it will be only you…”
“Forget it,” Xie Wanning interrupted him, chuckling softly: “You bear the succession of Lu Family offspring. How could I make things difficult for you? If you stick with just me, how could the Lu Family offspring prosper.”
The impatient words he had said that day now turned into sharp blades, flung back at him by her hand.
Lu Ziyan’s eyes were already red at some point. He closed his eyes briefly, gripping her hand tightly, his voice hoarse: “What do I need to do for you to be willing to go back to how things were?”
Xie Wanning sighed faintly, “We can’t go back. How could I dare to make a fool of myself again.”
Her tone carried a hint of self-mockery: “These days, I’ve figured it out. Actually, this can’t all be blamed on you. It was I who belittled myself, throwing myself at you—who would truly cherish and treasure someone who clings so desperately?”
Even the most ordinary man among the masses wouldn’t care much about a woman throwing herself at him, let alone Lu Ziyan.
He had everything, everything within easy reach. He possessed too many good things— what was her one heartful of true heart worth?
Lu Ziyan gritted his teeth: “Even if you’re angry, don’t talk about yourself like that. You did nothing wrong. It’s my problem.”
“I don’t want to discuss who’s right or wrong with you here,” Xie Wanning looked at their clasped hands and said: “Let go of me. We’ve said everything that needs to be said.”
“…We,” Lu Ziyan pursed his lips and said: “Can we not break off the engagement?”
Hearing this, Xie Wanning was instantly furious: “You’re playing rogue again!”
“No,” afraid she would get angry again, he tightened his grip on the hand in his palm and soothed: “I’m just discussing it with you. I said the wrong words before and hurt your feelings. You can think of a way to punish me. The wedding date can also be postponed. Whenever you forgive me, we can get married then. How about that?”
“Not how about that,” Xie Wanning looked at him in surprise and suspicion, frowning: “I remember you said that day that it’s not like you must marry me. Why are you clinging so tightly?”
Lu Ziyan’s breathing hitched slightly, his gaze fixed on her face, carefully studying her expression.
Finally, he realized that her words truly held no hint of sarcasm; she was genuinely just puzzled.
Evidently, in her heart, she always thought he refused to break off the engagement simply because he couldn’t accept being dumped by his fiancée, and had nothing to do with anything else.
—She hadn’t seen his feelings at all.
His fists gradually clenched, Lu Ziyan’s gaze growing darker.
After a long moment, he spoke in a hoarse voice: “From the time I was betrothed to you at twelve, I never thought I would marry anyone else in this lifetime. Those previous words were me being young and vigorous, speaking without thinking… Can you forget them all?”
These words, tantamount to confessing his feelings, left Xie Wanning somewhat surprised, yet also suddenly enlightened.
Indeed, during this time, he had entangled her repeatedly, refusing to agree to break off the engagement, which really didn’t fit his usual style of conduct.
It couldn’t be explained by his strong self-esteem alone.
She sometimes wondered if his relentless entanglement meant he wasn’t entirely without feelings for her.
He probably did like her.
Although this liking might be very faint, it did exist.
But those horrific dreams made her dare not think that way at all.
—Who would be so ruthless to the person they care about?
Hearing his words now, she felt astonished and even wanted to laugh.
So he really did like her after all.
But in the dream, after she married him without hesitation, how did he treat her?
He would rather pamper his cousin’s concubine than show her any more patience.
Perhaps in his eyes, no matter how cold he was or how badly he treated her, she wouldn’t truly get angry. Why bother expending effort on her?
It was probably that he felt from the bottom of his heart that she wasn’t worthy.
Thinking about it was quite laughable—she was laughable, and so was he.
No longer in the mood to talk to this person, Xie Wanning moved her wrist and said indifferently: “Let go of me.”
Lu Ziyan let go as told, but his gaze locked onto her unyieldingly.
After a few breaths of silence, he said: “Fine, you have resentment in your heart. I agree to break off the marriage.”
Xie Wanning was rubbing her wrist. Hearing this, she raised her eyes to look at him: “No playing rogue?”
Lu Ziyan tugged his lips into a smile: “No playing rogue.”
With that, he suddenly stood up, strode to her side, and placed both hands on the sides of her chair, trapping her in it.
Xie Wanning’s pupils dilated as she watched him lean down and draw near.
Their gazes met for a moment. Before she could speak, she heard him say: “But our relationship won’t end just because of breaking off the engagement. Listen well—I, Lu Ziyan, will marry no one but you in this lifetime.”
His voice was firm and resounding. While Xie Wanning was stunned, he had already pulled back.
The oppressive feeling from his closeness vanished instantly. She hurriedly stood up and retreated several steps, her face full of rejection: “Then you’d better give up that thought early. I absolutely will not marry into your Wuyuan Marquis’s Estate again.”
This word “again,” Lu Ziyan didn’t detect anything wrong with it, assuming it was due to the broken engagement.
Seeing her disgusted expression, he recalled what she had said that day at Qu Cheng Marquis’s Estate, and a hint of ferocity instantly colored his brows: “Don’t look at me with that kind of gaze. I’m not dirty.”
“Who knows,” Xie Wanning tugged the corner of her lips and sneered: “But whether you’re dirty or not has little to do with me. Please leave.”
Lu Ziyan stared fixedly at her: “You still don’t believe me?”
Xie Wanning was thoroughly impatient: “Whether I believe you or not, what does it matter? Weren’t you just trying to make me think that before?”
“I didn’t know you cared about this before,” Lu Ziyan’s expression shifted. In his mind, one moment it was her praising that old man for being clean, the next it was her looking at him with utter disgust.
After a long moment, he gritted his teeth: “Since you care about this, of course I can’t let you misunderstand me again.”
His jawline tensed. After a few breaths of standoff, he reached out and gripped her shoulder, pulling her close, saying word by word: “I did say some nonsense, and you can convict me for that, but I haven’t touched anyone else. I won’t accept that charge.”
“And…” The young lady under his palm struggled fiercely. He loosened his grip slightly, letting her pull away, his gaze following her closely as he continued: “Though I did once think of taking a concubine for the Lu Family offspring, I have never let any woman get close.”
No matter how much nonsense those words were, he had never actually acted on them.
From childhood, he either studied in the palace with the princes or rolled around in the military camp with his grandfather and Second Uncle. He disliked the scent of makeup.
In these eighteen years, his eyes had only held one young lady—her.
From age sixteen onward, these two years, he had been ordered multiple times to suppress rebellions and bandits. Local officials hadn’t skimped on sending him women.
There were bright and seductive ones, pure and alluring ones, inexperienced ones, flirtatious ones—women that those fawning officials couldn’t find.
Each one at the tenderest age, like flower buds waiting to bloom, awaiting his plucking.
He had no intention of preserving himself for anyone, nor was he worried about being controlled if he took one.
But he truly hadn’t touched a single one.
He hadn’t even had the slightest stirring of desire.
Vote~~
