Chapter 55: The Taste of Being Cherished
Dark clouds arrived uninvited. Five Spirits Mountain grew dim.
The earth seemed to be asleep. However, thunder rumbled in the sky not far away, as if struggling to break free from the dense dark clouds, its sound muffled.
In a moment, lightning pierced the thick clouds—
A startling clap of thunder.
Torrential rain poured down, pressing down from the sky, striking the great fire at Peach Blossom Nunnery.
The arrogant flames, encountering the heavy rain, suddenly weakened in their ferocity.
Feng Gao seemed to see a glimmer of hope.
He rushed into the nunnery, shouting to his subordinates, “Hurry and save people!”
Everyone scrambled to carry out the two people who had already fallen inside.
Feng Gao carefully checked for breath.
Xun Yitang, the arsonist, had been in the fire for longer and had already ceased to breathe.
As for Cheng Huaishi, he still had a breath of life.
Feng Gao shouted to me, “Elder Sister! He’s alive! Alive!”
He just wanted to make me less sad.
However, he didn’t know that my heart was already like the scorched flowers and trees in Peach Blossom Nunnery, having lost its last trace of vitality in the great fire.
Feng Gao held my hand, “Elder Sister, I will find the best doctor to save him. Don’t worry. I won’t allow him to die, I won’t allow him to die. He must stay with Elder Sister. Forever with Elder Sister. To make Elder Sister happy.”
He busied himself, carrying Cheng Huaishi down the mountain.
“Elder Sister, three li from Five Spirits Mountain, there is a private residence that the Prefect of Jingzhao gifted to me. No one usually goes there, so it is the safest. Let’s temporarily take Cheng Huaishi there, and I will send someone to find the best doctor to treat his injuries. The ‘Cheng Huaishi’ at the execution ground has already been executed, and I imagine the Cheng Residence in the city is currently attracting a lot of attention, so we cannot return there.”
Cheng Huaishi had large areas of burns on his body.
His once handsome face was disfigured.
It was likely that even a physician would have difficulty recognizing him.
A hint of malice appeared in Feng Gao’s eyes as he ordered his subordinates, “He is severely injured, be careful with your hands and feet. Also, no one is to speak of what happened today.”
“Your subordinates obey Eunuch’s orders!” everyone replied in unison.
Strangely, after the great fire at Peach Blossom Nunnery was completely extinguished, the sudden rain on Five Spirits Mountain stopped.
Silently.
As if all the cruelty had never happened.
A pair of gray magpies, flying from who knows where, landed on a branch together, chirping towards Peach Blossom Nunnery.
Feng Gao supported me and said, “Elder Sister, let’s leave here quickly. You might catch a cold after being in the rain.”
I nodded blankly.
After walking a few steps, I heard a sound behind me.
I turned my head and saw a young novice nun, collecting Xun Yitang’s remains while weeping.
She must not have left with the scattered crowd and had been hiding nearby, watching the events unfold.
She murmured, “Greed, anger, ignorance – the three poisons, the three impurities, the three fires. Jingming, you were such a wise person, why did you have to take this path… your roots were not yet pure after entering Buddhism, your infatuation with the mortal world was too deep… I should have stopped you earlier yesterday…”
I stopped and asked softly, “Who are you?”
She said, “This humble nun is Qingming from Peach Blossom Nunnery. I usually slept in the same room as Jingming and was her closest friend. Even before she became a nun, she often came to the nunnery. She told me all her troubles. Last night, I saw her secretly hide candles in her sleeve, and then she gave money notes to our master, saying they were all she had saved in her life, for the master to use for the nunnery’s upkeep in the future. I felt something was wrong and asked her, but she just smiled and shook her head. She said she had thought of a wonderful place to go. I thought she was going to return to secular life. I didn’t expect she was…”
She sighed, tears streaming down her face.
I looked at Xun Yitang’s corpse.
Even with her face burned beyond recognition, a satisfied smile still lingered on her lips. It was as if the moments before her death were the happiest of her life.
She had made up her mind.
Her stubbornness had never changed.
Grinding ink to write words, flying brush to pen letters, like a moth to a flame, why would one begrudge burning their body?
Until death.
The novice nun buried her under the peach tree in front of the nunnery.
The withered peach branches swayed after the rain.
I took one last look at the nunnery, the mountain, the grave.
Turning, I left with Feng Gao.
The private residence was located in a mulberry grove.
Far from the main road, it was luxurious and secluded.
Cheng Huaishi was settled in a guest room in the backyard.
A doctor from He Nian Tang had examined him and stated frankly that even if the burns healed, he would be left with scars that would be difficult to erase for a lifetime. For now, the best hope was that the wounds would not fester and that he would survive.
The doctor prescribed medicine, and Feng Gao ordered someone to prepare it.
It was already dusk.
The mulberries have not yet fallen, their leaves are lush. The mulberries have fallen, yellow and withered.
Feng Gao and I strolled to the courtyard, stepping on the thick, soft fallen mulberry leaves.
I looked up and asked him, “Dou Ya, do you want to go see Madam Qin?”
He lowered his head, silent, his face suddenly flushed, rubbing his hands together, looking uneasy.
I said, “Last time you disappeared from the Cheng Residence, she was very worried. She has been waiting for you.”
He was stunned.
“Elder Sister, I… I don’t know how to face her… I’ve never had… she fed me soup like that, I longed for it, yet I was afraid, I was afraid, I…”
He refused to say more.
I reached out and stroked his forehead, “Silly boy, you’re so clever with others, why are you so foolish with your own mother? You are her child.”
He turned his back, “Elder Sister, please don’t say any more.”
I said, “I won’t force you. Do whatever your heart tells you. I’m going back to the Cheng Residence now to pick up Xiao Yin. Do you want to come with me?”
He thought for a moment, then hesitantly followed me.
The horse carriage arrived at the Cheng Residence gate.
Feng Gao and I alighted from the carriage. Madam Qin, dressed in plain clothes, stood at the entrance like the clear moon.
Seeing Feng Gao, she looked directly at him.
Feng Gao turned abruptly but walked very slowly.
Madam Qin hurried after him, saying from behind, “I learned to make your favorite cakes from Sang Yu. Will you let me make them for you?”
“I, I went to the temple and prayed for a peace charm for you.”
“It rained today, and it’s getting colder. You’re still wearing so little. I sewed you a pair of rabbit fur knee pads.”
These were all trivial, everyday words.
Feng Gao stopped, his slender shoulders trembling slightly.
He stubbornly said, “I’m not cold.”
Madam Qin murmured, “Where are you going now? Are you busy? Please don’t go, okay?”
After a long while.
Feng Gao turned around and walked into the courtyard.
Madam Qin and I quickly followed.
He walked into the west wing of the East Courtyard, sat on Madam Qin’s bed, and said in a low voice, “You can give them to me now.”
Madam Qin was startled, then immediately understood, and busied herself taking out the knee pads and handing them to him.
He very carefully tucked the knee pads into his embrace.
I said, “Dou Ya, you can put them on now.”
He, like a child guarding hard-won candy, said earnestly, “No. What if they get damaged?”
At these words, Madam Qin burst into tears, repeatedly saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
Feng Gao’s face turned red again, and he stammered, “Why are you crying?”
Madam Qin quickly wiped her tears and walked out, “I’ll go make you cakes now, wait for me.”
I watched his gaze follow Madam Qin’s retreating figure.
In a short while, Madam Qin made the cakes, brought them over, and handed them to him.
He grabbed one and took a bite.
Madam Qin watched him expectantly and nervously, “How is it, is it delicious?”
Feng Gao devoured the entire cake, tears flowing uncontrollably.
An unfamiliar taste.
The taste of being loved.
It made his eyes redden, like a child who had been bullied for a long time.
He was flustered and at a loss.
So this is what it feels like to have a mother.
Care that could be obtained without effort.
Madam Qin hugged him.
He did not resist.
Madam Qin cried, hugging him, “I didn’t protect you well. I’m sorry. If I had known you were abandoned, I would have protected you with my life… Child, I know you cannot forgive me, I don’t expect you to call me ‘mother’, but if I can be by your side to compensate you, I will be content for the rest of my life… I just want someone to add clothes for you when you’re cold. Someone to cook for you when you’re hungry…”
After a while, Feng Gao finally reached out and hugged Madam Qin.
He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but nothing came out.
Madam Qin felt his response and was overjoyed, not knowing what to do.
She gently patted his back.
At this moment, footsteps were heard from outside.
Qin Mingxu arrived.
He saw the scene before him, lowered his head, then looked up at me and said as if nothing had happened, “Sang Yu, Master Zhu from Dongchang Prefecture has sent you a letter.”
It had been a long time since we had heard from them.
I took the letter and opened it. It was my father’s handwriting.
My stepmother, Lin Yue, had recently passed away from illness. He was now also seriously ill. The family business was in dire straits. Zhu Xifeng was still not improving. He had already received a letter from the Cheng Family elders, and upon learning that I had been divorced, he eagerly hoped I would return home to support the family.
He had never spoken to me so earnestly before.
Between the lines, he expressed his sorrow, feeling that his life was nearing its end.
At the end of the letter, he wrote: Sang Yu, my child, our father-daughter relationship in this life. Though father has made great mistakes, if father passes away, I beg my child to return for the funeral. Please, please.
The Zhu Family had after all raised me for over ten years. I had called him ‘father’ for over ten years.
I closed the letter, my heart filled with mixed emotions.
He had used the word “beg.”
He was begging me.
As Cheng Huaishi had not yet woken up, in the evening, Feng Gao and I returned to his private residence.
Feng Gao told me to rest first, and he would watch over Cheng Huaishi, calling me if there was any movement.
Half an hour later, as I was just falling asleep, Feng Gao urgently called, “Elder Sister, he’s awake!”
I got up and, with Feng Gao, walked through several corridors to hurry over.
However—
The bed was already empty.
Feng Gao ordered the night guards, “Go find him quickly!”
I had a premonition: he couldn’t be found.
He was deliberately avoiding me.
As long as he had a breath left, he would avoid me.
