Chapter 18: Holy Crap, A Zombie!
The atmosphere at the scene fell into stagnation, and everyone subconsciously lightened their breathing, afraid that the thing in the coffin would suddenly burst out.
But nearly five minutes passed, and no more sound came from the coffin. The group gradually relaxed. Da Kui approached Wu Sansheng and whispered, “Third Master, I think there’s nothing good in this coffin. How about… we don’t open it?”
Everyone else gave him a strange look. Good grief, you were the first to say to open it, and you’re the first to give up. Waffling back and forth, huh? If cowardice had levels, Da Kui would definitely top the list among those few! Haven’t you seen that Lin Yan and Wu Xie, those two rookies, haven’t said anything yet?
Wu Sansheng leaned in for a close observation: “This coffin is sealed very well. Even if the thing inside was alive three thousand years ago, it would’ve suffocated by now. Moreover, this coffin is nearly two and a half meters, so there’s definitely another layer or several inside. Let’s pry off this layer first and see the situation. And—” He raised his hand, and Da Kui cried out as he got hit on the back of his head again. “How many times have I said it? It’s a coffin, not a coffin! Saying it wrong makes me lose face for the Wu Family!”
Da Kui smiled embarrassedly, picked up the crowbar, and came up to get to work.
He and Wu Sansheng first scraped off the sealing wax at the coffin’s seams, then inserted and pressed the crowbar in. With a “crack,” the coffin lid was pried up. Several people hurried over to help push the lid outward. Wu Xie and Lin Yan held their breath until their faces turned red, but only moved it a little: “Why is this lid so heavy!”
Wu Xie glanced at him amid the busyness: “Isn’t it though? This coffin is nearly two and a half meters, probably at least ten tons. By that calculation, this lid must be nearly a ton. How could it not be heavy?”
Lin Yan clicked his tongue: “No way, it’s that heavy? Can just us few move it?”
Wu Sansheng looked at them both with disdain and waved them aside: “Alright, you two go to the side to talk. You’re not helping and just causing trouble.”
Wu Xie was unconvinced: “Where?!” But he still obediently pulled Lin Yan to the side. He knew himself that with their two slight builds, both weak and frail, they really couldn’t help much—not even as good as Panzi.
The two sat to the side, and Wu Xie continued explaining to him: “Do you know where the heaviest coffin on record was found? It was the giant coffin from the Leigudun Tomb of Marquis Yi of Zeng, which was bronze-inlaid wood boards, nearly nine tons. This coffin is about the same size, but probably all bronze. How heavy do you think it is?”
Lin Yan calculated inwardly—it really must be around eleven or twelve or thirteen or fourteen tons, right? He watched Wu Sansheng and the others struggling to pry the coffin lid, feeling a bit guilty: “Wu Xie, how about we go help anyway?” He stood up to head over.
Wu Xie yanked him back down: “Stop messing around. Third Uncle told us to step back for a reason. Besides, our two bodies aren’t in good shape right now. If one of us collapses, they’ll have to have someone watch us— that’s just making more trouble! Better to sit here obediently and wait for them to finish.”
That made sense! Lin Yan immediately settled down and sat still. Wu Sansheng wouldn’t screw his nephew, right! Wait, no, he seems to screw his nephew often? So should he sit, or go over, or just walk farther away?
He fell into contemplation.
Fortunately, he didn’t have much time to agonize. Before he finished, Wu Sansheng’s side had it done. After they moved the lid halfway, they used a clever force to flip it over to the side, revealing the nested coffin inside.
It was a lacquered coffin inlaid all over with jade. Through the jade inlay, they could see a painted lacquered wooden coffin inside. But no one paid attention to the inner lacquered wooden coffin now—all eyes were drawn to the jade inlay on the outside. Not to mention Lin Yan, Fatty and the others were practically drooling.
Panzi stroked the coffin like it was his lover: “So much jade! Worth it, worth it, this trip is worth it! If we take this out to sell, we’ll be set for life!” Fatty was already sprawled on the coffin eyeing where to disassemble, his eyes gleaming wolf-like green, probably ready to fight anyone who stopped him right now!
Wu Sansheng’s eyes also went straight, but he still reached out to stop Fatty from prying: “Don’t rush! This is Xinjiang Manas jade! If you dismantle it to sell piece by piece, you’d only get a hundred thousand or so, but if we take down the entire jade inlay intact, each of us can get at least several hundred thousand!”
Fatty quickly stopped his hands and smoothed the spot he’d started prying: “Whoa, let me check… it’s fine, fine, luckily it’s fine. That’s a tenfold difference! Can’t damage it!”
Wu Sansheng swallowed: “They say double casing, triple coffin. If that tree outside counts as one casing, then the thing in this lacquered wooden coffin is definitely the most valuable!”
He carefully separated the lacquered wooden coffin from the jade inlay. Sure enough, he was quite experienced—not a scratch.
Lin Yan crowded in and stroked the cool jade with Fatty—this was all money! If they could get it out, they could live off it for life! If he wasn’t wrong, this was early 2000s, housing prices hadn’t risen yet. If they could buy a house outright after going out, wouldn’t that be great? Wait, no, what happened to this stuff in the end? In the original story, did they take it out? Don’t let it get burned up here! But if he pried off some jade now… He looked around and discovered that except for Wu Xie and Wu Sansheng, everyone else’s attention was on the jade in his hands.
The thought of secretly prying off a piece was stifled in his stomach. If he secretly pried one now, not to mention the others, Fatty right beside him would be the first to fight him over it!
Sigh, forget it. If they can’t take it out, so be it. At least he still had the beads from the female corpse’s belt as backup. He didn’t know what kind of beads they were, but they should be worth at least four figures, right? He sighed inwardly and walked to Wu Xie’s side to study that lacquered wooden coffin with him.
There was no inscription on the lacquered wooden coffin, just paintings that were still vivid after thousands of years. Without Wu Xie translating, Lin Yan could understand it himself. It depicted roughly the burial scene: a group of people kneeling on the ground, several skeletons carrying the coffin into the tree hole.
After a couple glances, finding it boring, Lin Yan turned to touch the jade inlay again. Can’t take it, but touching is fine! At least he came here. But turning back nearly scared his soul out—the inlay that had been behind him was already stacked up, and Da Kui and Fatty were discussing whose bag to put it in! Though Da Kui was stronger, the thing still went into Panzi’s bag. Probably because Da Kui was in the best physical condition, first to rush in if something happened, so to avoid accidental damage, better in Panzi’s—his leg was injured, so he wouldn’t move much later.
“Third Uncle, what’s going on?”
The uncle and nephew who had been studying it suddenly stirred, and Wu Xie’s worried voice rang out. Lin Yan turned back to see Wu Sansheng standing straight up from the coffin, face pale: “Damn it, there’s what sounds like breathing inside!”
“No way!” Fatty exclaimed softly. “What zombie is this? Not suffocated after three thousand years?”
Lin Yan went pale: “Third Master, don’t scare us! Even if it’s a zombie inside, zombies are dead—how could there be breathing? Could there be a living person in there?”
Wu Sansheng glanced at him: “What living person could survive three thousand years in a sealed coffin?”
Da Kui’s voice trembled: “Then, Third Master, should we… withdraw now?”
Wu Sansheng glared at him: “Withdraw what? We’ve come this far—put the lid back on? This is the last coffin layer, and the most valuable stuff is definitely inside. Open it!”
He raised the crowbar to pry, and Wu Xie fumbled out a black donkey hoof to grip, ready to smash it into whatever came out.
At this moment, Fatty exclaimed: “Hey no, if you’re opening it, open it right—this isn’t how you open a coffin! Is this how you southern folks do it? No wonder you wreck one after another! Move aside, I’ll do it!”
He walked to the coffin to start, and Wu Sansheng, seeing his confident face, stepped aside.
Fatty reached his hand into the seam between the bronze coffin and the lacquered wooden coffin, touched something, and with a “click,” the coffin split open from the middle, a miserable scream coming from inside.
As soon as Fatty triggered the mechanism, he jumped back and shouted: “Back off!”
Everyone retreated a few steps. Wu Xie gripped his black donkey hoof tightly, while Lin Yan shrank behind him. After all, the protagonist couldn’t die—how would the plot continue? So nowhere was safer than behind Wu Xie right now!
With the mechanism’s sound, the lacquered coffin rose from inside, the split lid flipping down from above, and a person in full black armor actually sat up inside!
“Holy shit, zombie!” Lin Yan cried out. Wu Xie moved to stab the black donkey hoof into the thing’s mouth, but Fatty grabbed his hand: “Don’t move! That’s treasure on him!”
“What treasure?”
“Gold-threaded jade suit!”
