Chapter 186: Two Idiots
Cultivation like that of a boy is actually an expert on one’s own psychological problems. This is because Chan Buddhism cultivates one’s inner peace and wisdom.
Sometimes cultivation isn’t about becoming an immortal or achieving enlightenment, but rather about walking the path and discovering that you’ve become a better version of yourself, and that you’re living as your true self.
Those fears, worries, and things you couldn’t get over before, they disappear as you cultivate. You become more confident and aren’t afraid to offend anyone.
This habit of being afraid to offend others, sometimes precisely indicates that you lack your own opinion and lack principles and a bottom line when doing things.
Don’t be afraid to offend others, because most of the people around you, perhaps over 90% of them, you can afford to offend.
Being a people-pleaser isn’t actually good. In psychology, this kind of thinking is called a people-pleasing personality. Such individuals focus on others’ needs in everything and are particularly afraid of offending others.
This fear isn’t about being afraid of how others will react to your refusal, but rather about the low self-respect of this personality, always believing others are more important than oneself.
Like the boy, he used to be like this, always thinking of others, enduring hardship himself. Consequently, he suffered endless hardship.
If you choose to be a people-pleaser, afraid of offending others, you will only attract those in your life who disrespect you and want to exploit you.
So when the boy didn’t understand, he always wanted to help this person and that person, consuming his own time. Although he didn’t seek rewards, he didn’t necessarily gain anything good in return.
Do not compromise yourself just because you believe someone is close to you. All relationships are built on mutual respect.
To put it simply, no one owes anyone anything. Don’t feel like you’ve done something wrong in some way. Set boundaries for yourself. This friend gets free help for two years, that one is a brother you compromise for, and in the end, you’ll find that when it comes to you, hehe, many people won’t treat you as you’ve treated them.
Therefore, when choosing to help anyone, you must be prepared for the possibility of not receiving any reward, otherwise, don’t be overly compassionate, as it can turn into a disaster.
A little vulnerability within yourself will be unbearable.
You will automatically start thinking, “I’ve already done so much, why is it like this?”
This is karma.
When you place your hope in others, you are more likely to be disappointed. When you place your hope in yourself, you will move in the direction you desire.
This is the root cause of seeking within.
This is not telling people to be selfish. Just as helping others without expecting reward is a principle, not expecting anything prevents disappointment.
If you raise children without expecting anything from them, then you naturally won’t be disappointed in them.
If you expect them to support you in old age, and you haven’t built a foundation for them, how can they even take care of themselves, let alone support you? You have to revolve around them your entire life, be responsible for them, try to buy them a house, and prepare a dowry.
After you give so much, you say you don’t expect anything, only that your child lives well. But often, your words and actions are not in sync. You will resent in your heart; “I’ve worked myself to death for you, and you’re like this…” Saying such things will create a psychological burden for your child.
What the heck are you talking about, even playing mind games with your own children.
How can you expect them to be filial? They have to support their wives, children, and pay mortgages and car loans. How can they take care of you?
Just buy yourself good retirement insurance, and don’t blame your children later. Who asked you to give birth? Didn’t you want a plaything? Now that it’s over, you’re causing trouble?
If this were the boy, cough cough cough, he would help as much as he could, without expecting anything at all. As a grown man, why would he expect anything from his child? He’s lost his adult bearing.
Those who wish for their sons to be dragons are not dragons themselves. Even if they were dragons, there’s no need to force their children to be dragons. A dragon has nine offspring, each unique.
Even the dragon’s offspring are not necessarily dragons. Why trouble your child to be a dragon?
As long as they don’t become terrible villains, that’s quite enough. Why have such extravagant demands? Damn it!
Conversely, your parents worked hard to raise you, and you’re still complaining? Didn’t they give you the opportunity to live? Didn’t they nurture you to grow up?
Have some ambition. Tell yourself: “Damn it, I am a divine dragon reincarnated. I will break through the clouds and soar for tens of thousands of miles, looking down upon the Earth from the clouds. When I was young, my parents supported me. No matter what I become, I must strive to be like them.”
Don’t treat your parents as just parents. When you become a parent, you feel like they owe you and you tend to demand relentlessly. Treat them as people who protected and supported you all along, and strive to become someone who supports them. You idiot, hahahaha.
No one owes anyone anything. Set your heart straight, and you will naturally be grateful to your parents. If you don’t, you’ll complain your whole life. And you foolishly ask others why they want you, are you a stupid rabbit? If they knew you asked that, they wouldn’t want you either! Damn it!
Everyone speaks from their own position, so their backs don’t hurt, right? The father acts like he has no father, the son acts like he has no son. He wants something from you, you want something from him. Do you know the result? Even the closest people can develop resentment, and you haven’t even realized it yet.
One complains about raising them through hardship, saying it’s not as good as raising a dog. Another complains about why they weren’t given better conditions.
To the one who says raising a dog is better, go raise a dog and see if it can go out to work and earn money to support you after it grows up!
To the one who complains about not being given good conditions, go see what you were before you were born!
It’s all useless. People still overthink these trivial matters.
It’s all delaying my dinner time. Damn it!
First, set your heart straight, be a little more confident, a little braver, and get rid of the time spent complaining. With that time, calm your inner self, or learn something. You’re just full and idle. If you were so hungry you had to beg, you wouldn’t have time to complain.
The words are crude, but the reasoning is not. Doing something and keeping busy will leave you no time for pointless thoughts. Copying scriptures, drinking tea, reading books, writing, doing anything is better than complaining, right?
Don’t think that once you succeed, you’ll then rest and read, write, and drink tea. If you can throw those messy thoughts out of your head now, you can read, write, and drink tea right now.
If your desires are great, if you want a luxurious villa and a cool car, then go earn it. You’ll have even less time to complain. Not complaining not only makes your body healthier than before but also leaves you with time to study diligently and enrich your abilities. No one is born that capable; even the most awesome people have intelligence that surpasses ordinary people after the age of four. What they know is all learned afterwards. It’s not something they brought from the womb. Don’t worry, no one flies a plane from their belly; they all fly planes after coming out and working hard to earn money. You have the same ability, but they are constantly learning while you are constantly anxious.
Let go of anxiety, study hard, and in the future, you must fly planes, even remote-controlled ones! Be awesome, hehehehehe.
