Chapter 45: Old Zhu: I’m Collapsing, I’m Truly Collapsing! Seeking Monthly Tickets
“Jiang Huan! Take all these bastard things down!! Throw them into the Imperial Prison!!”
Old Zhu thought of Zhang Biao, and his wrath reached its peak.
However, just as Old Zhu ordered the arrest of this group of low-ranking Capital Officials, they, who had been quoting classics, lamenting indignantly, and criticizing corruption that shook the nation with flying spittle, moved in perfect unison.
Swish, swish, swish!
Simultaneously!
Silence!
Shut up!
The grief and indignation on their faces vanished instantly!
Then.
Their movements were incredibly swift.
From inside their robes, they pulled out that familiar, grease-stained — 《 Blood and Tears Salary Demand Record》.
Dozens of tattered account books appeared before everyone as if by magic.
The Hall of Supreme Harmony fell into an eerie silence.
Everyone was stunned.
What play was this now?!
The low-ranking Capital Officials moved with flowing grace.
They opened the account books.
Their fingers precisely pointed to a certain page.
Their faces suddenly shifted to a look of righteous indignation, a mixture of grievance, accusation, and “it’s up to you.”
Li Mo, the Editor, who had just been vehemently denouncing corruption, now spoke in a loud voice with the market-place chatter of haggling: “Your Majesty! You can arrest us, but shouldn’t you settle the accounts first?”
“Just according to the standard you gave Censor Zhang last time!”
“I heard Wang Mazi’s butcher shop is offering a 20% discount on pig’s head meat group purchases today. I want my family to have a good meal before I die!”
Boom—!!
This twist!
Was steeper than diving off a cliff!
The civil and military officials in the court, who had just been immersed in a solemn atmosphere of criticizing rats, gluttons, and harsh governance worse than tigers, were instantly dazed by the “20% off pig’s head meat group purchase” mercenary demand, collectively petrified.
The sayings of the Sages and the pig’s head meat were fighting madly in their minds.
Old Zhu almost choked.
He pointed at the group of low-ranking Capital Officials below, holding their account books with an expression of “after the scolding, it’s time for money,” his fingers trembling like he had Parkinson’s, his lips quivering. He wanted to roar “Drag them out and execute them,” but his throat felt blocked by dozens of pig’s heads.
Before he could recover, Zhao Fengman, the Censor of Henan Province, seamlessly continued, holding up his account book and speaking loudly:
“Your Majesty, please see! I have denounced the corrupt nobles, and I have exposed the vermin undermining the nation! You cannot just make us work without paying us!”
“My throat is hoarse from scolding, and I urgently need to replenish my energy!”
“Please pay my salary, which has been overdue for eight months and twenty-three days! That’s fifty taels and eight qian of silver, plus compensation for emotional distress, totaling sixty taels. Pay now! Precious Notes are accepted, but with devaluation!”
“I second that!”
Sun Gui, the Department Director, patted his patched official robe, his movements exaggerated, at risk of bursting the seams:
“This attire of mine! It’s an insult to national dignity when attending court, and it undermines my authority when impeaching. I urgently need to purchase a new robe! That’s eighty taels in unpaid salary, fifty taels for the outfit, totaling one hundred and thirty taels! No pepper or sappanwood for payment!”
“And me!”
Another Department Director squeezed forward, holding his account book with a solemn expression:
“The rats in my home are so hungry they are gnawing on the 《 Analects》, severely damaging Confucian classics and causing immeasurable cultural loss. The unpaid salary must be paid in full, plus restoration fees for the classics, totaling five hundred taels!!”
For a moment.
“Pay up!”
“Settle the bill!”
“The pig’s head meat will be gone!”
“The rats are waiting for rice!”
All sorts of common slang and absurd demands, accompanied by loud accounts and intermittent burps, like demonic music, completely drowned out the last trace of solemnity in the Hall of Supreme Harmony.
Old Zhu sat on the Dragon throne, looking at the group of low-ranking Capital Officials below, holding their tattered account books like debt collectors, listening to the overwhelming calls for repayment, and smelling the faint scent of pig’s head meat and Shao Daozi liquor in the air.
He felt as if his mind had been stuffed into a giant, greasy, frantically spinning — debt-collecting pig’s head!
The phrases from the Sages’ books and the street-level debt collection sounds clashed and churned madly in his mind.
The ashen faces of the Six Ministries officials and the nobles alternated with the greasy, gleaming faces of the low-ranking Capital Officials before his eyes.
The solemn Golden brick floor of the Hall of Supreme Harmony seemed to have become a greasy market stall cutting board.
“Jiang Huan!!!”
Old Zhu’s enormous wrath finally erupted.
He slammed the table and rose, his beard and hair bristling, the Dragon throne rattling under his blows. His voice, distorted by extreme anger, distorted: “Drag these bastards out and cut them down!!!”
“This subject obeys the decree!”
Jiang Huan’s expression was as cold as iron, his Xiuchun Saber drawn half an inch with a clang.
The Imperial Guards on duty outside the hall heard the sound and moved, surging into the Main Hall like wolves and tigers.
But.
Just as the Imperial Guards were about to act.
That group of low-ranking Capital Officials, who had been spitting, crying poverty, and burping loudly just moments before, once again moved in perfect unison to perform an act that stunned everyone.
Swish, swish, swish!
Dozens of people.
Their movements were quick and precise.
Simultaneously.
They slammed shut the 《 Blood and Tears Salary Demand Record》 they were holding high.
The next moment.
With lightning speed.
They shoved! them! into! their! mouths!
That’s right! They shoved them into their mouths!
Then, with all their might, they bit down hard.
Their cheekbones bulged high.
Their eyes were resolute.
As if it were some peerless treasure, they would rather die than let it be taken.
The entire Hall of Supreme Harmony was suddenly plunged into a deathly silence.
So quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Old Zhu: “.”
Jiang Huan: “.”
Imperial Guard: “.”
Other Officials: “.”
Everyone’s jaws dropped to the floor.
They looked at the low-ranking Capital Officials with bulging cheeks, wide eyes, tightly biting their tattered account books, like they had collectively stuffed giant betel nuts into their mouths. Their brains completely froze.
What the hell was this crazy stunt?!
The Imperial Guards held their swords, unsure whether to advance or not, frozen in place, looking at each other.
Arrest them? But they weren’t resisting!
They just had a tattered book stuffed in their mouths… What kind of resisting arrest was that?!
Were they supposed to force open their mouths and snatch the books? The thought of that scene was damn eye-watering!
Old Zhu trembled with anger, pointing at the “holding the account book to show determination” bastards below, his fingers shaking as if he were holding a little monster: “What… what are you trying to do? Are you rebelling?!”
“Mmm mmm mmm! Mmm mmm mmm mmm!”
Shen Lang, with bulging cheeks, biting his 《 Blood and Tears Salary Demand Record》, protested indistinctly, his eyes filled with grief and grievance, and he tried to shake his head.
The other low-ranking Capital Officials immediately followed suit:
“Mmm mmm! Mmm mmm mmm mmm!”
“Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm!”
“Burp!”
One person, overcome with emotion, couldn’t help but let out a loud burp, almost spitting out the book in his mouth, and quickly bit down hard again.
For a moment, the Hall of Supreme Harmony was filled with various muffled “mmm” sounds, angry head shakes, and intermittent burps.
And those dozens of 《 Blood and Tears Salary Demand Records》, saliva-drenched and deformed at the edges from being bitten.
Solemnity? Reverence? Imperial majesty?!
All were shattered by this absurd and greasy scene.
Old Zhu felt a surge of blood rush to his head, seeing stars, and his ears buzzed with “mmm” sounds and burps.
He felt his sanity being repeatedly ground into the dirt by a group of lunatics holding account books and burping.
He opened his mouth, wanting to roar, wanting to kill, wanting to grind these bastards and the books in their mouths into ashes.
But his throat felt as if it were stuffed with pig’s head meat, and he couldn’t utter a single word.
Collapse! Old Zhu was truly on the verge of collapse!!
How did that bastard Zhang Biao teach them?!!
