Chapter 46: Old Zhu Fainted From Anger Seeking Monthly Tickets
Inside the Hall of Supreme Harmony, it was as silent as a tomb.
Only dozens of lower-ranking Capital Officials, their cheeks puffed out, stubbornly biting their tattered account books and emitting defiant “wu wu” sounds from their throats, along with their incessant burps that carried the smell of pig’s head meat, created an utterly absurd background symphony.
Old Zhu stood on the imperial steps, his chest heaving violently, like a worn-out bellows.
His withered fingers clenched tightly, his nails almost digging into his flesh.
Although he knew this was Zhang Biao’s doing, it was precisely because of this that he needed to remain rational.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t kill these lower-ranking Capital Officials; rather, killing them wouldn’t solve the problem and would only exacerbate the conflict.
What kind of Emperor would kill loyal officials of the pure stream for a bunch of corrupt Nobles?
Even Qin II would probably offer him a cigarette!
Therefore, this was the core essence of Zhang Biao’s training: extreme contrast and absurdity, bringing a sliver of self-reflection.
After all, for a ruthless person like Old Zhu, demanding salary through conventional means was simply courting death.
Seeing Old Zhu pointing at the lower-ranking Capital Officials below who were “holding their account books to show determination,” his finger trembling, his lips quivering, he squeezed out a sentence from between his teeth:
“Take… them down.”
How to take them down? Not kill them?
Jiang Huan was full of confusion, but Old Zhu’s command was law. In any case, once these people entered the Imperial Prison, they would be lucky to escape without losing a layer of skin.
Seeing his gaze sharp, he was about to order the Imperial Guard to take forceful action.
Just then.
“Wu wu wu! Wu wu!”
Shen Lang suddenly erupted with astonishing strength.
He lunged forward, his cheeks puffed out as if stuffed with two eggs, his eyes fixed on Old Zhu, desperately shaking his head.
As if afraid Old Zhu hadn’t understood, he then forcefully nodded his chin towards his own chest.
The meaning was crystal clear.
The account book! The key is in the account book!
Please take a look!
And with his movement, it was as if a switch had been flipped.
“Wu wu wu!”
“Wu wu!”
“Wu ge!”
The other lower-ranking Capital Officials who were “holding their account books to show determination” immediately became agitated, all imitating Shen Lang.
They continued to bite down on their purple Blood and Tears Salary Demand Records, desperately using their chins, eyes, and even their entire bodies to signal towards Old Zhu. The “wu wu” sounds from their throats instantly rose by eight octaves, and their burps became more frequent.
The entire Hall of Supreme Harmony seemed to transform into a massive, anxiety-ridden, and urging silent play.
Old Zhu: “.”
Jiang Huan and the Imperial Guard: “.”
Other officials: “.”
What the hell is this new tactic?!
How many tactics has that scoundrel Zhang Biao designed for them?!
Old Zhu felt a surge of unholy anger mixed with intense curiosity rush to the crown of his head.
He absolutely had to see!
What earth-shattering marvel was written in these tattered books in the mouths of these bastard things!
Worthy of their desperate efforts!?
“Jiang Huan!” Old Zhu’s voice was like sandpaper rubbing, yet it carried an irrefutable command: “Go! Get one for us!”
He pointed at Sun Gui, the Department Director, who was closest to the imperial steps and excitedly gesticulating.
“Your subordinate obeys the decree!”
Jiang Huan’s mouth twitched fiercely.
This task… it’s truly infuriatingly demeaning!
He nervously walked up to Sun Gui.
Sun Gui immediately widened his eyes in alarm, biting down even harder, emitting a threatening “woo woo” sound from his throat, and instinctively recoiling, as if to say, ‘If you dare try to snatch it, I’ll spray you with saliva and book fragments!’
Jiang Huan took a deep breath, suppressing the urge to draw his saber and strike, and said through gritted teeth, “Open your mouth! The Emperor wishes to see!”
Sun Gui’s eyes showed internal struggle. He looked at Jiang Huan, then at Old Zhu, whose face on the dragon throne was turning ashen. Finally, under the increasingly cold gaze of Jiang Huan, he very reluctantly and carefully opened his mouth.
“Pop!”
A faint sound, with the friction of saliva and book paper.
The purple Blood and Tears Salary Demand Record, stained with saliva and with its edges chewed to shreds, finally slipped from Sun Gui’s mouth and landed in Jiang Huan’s outstretched palm.
It felt sticky, warm, and carried a complex aroma mixed with rich pig’s head meat and cheap Shao Daozi liquor.
Jiang Huan, suppressing his nausea, expressionlessly held this “biological weapon” and quickly walked to the side of the imperial steps, presenting it to Old Zhu.
The young eunuch Yun Ming tremblingly took it, and with a clean silk handkerchief as a buffer, dared to place it on the imperial desk.
Old Zhu held his breath, frowning, enduring intense physiological discomfort. With two fingers, he disgustedly picked up a corner of the damp, crumpled account book and managed to open it.
What greeted his eyes was dense, crooked handwriting.
It recorded:
On such and such a date, salary rice not issued.
On such and such a date, three bolts of cloth in lieu of payment.
On such and such a date, one jin of pepper in lieu of payment.
Rent arrears for several months, collection attempts several times, mother’s medicine expenses, outstanding debt.
Pig’s head meat from Wang Mazi on credit, owed six hundred coins.
“.”
This was all within Old Zhu’s expectations; it was just recorded with unusual detail and triviality, exuding a strong scent of commoner poverty.
He patiently flipped further, his expression growing darker with each page.
Until he reached the last few pages, the style abruptly changed.
It was no longer dry, linear records, but illustrated.
Drawn with crude charcoal sticks were extremely abstract, yet strangely vivid – Q-version cartoons!
The first panel:
A Q-version Censor, wearing a patched official robe, with a large head and small body, his eyes two giant crosses, lying on the street, having fainted from hunger.
Beside him, a Q-version Noble, dressed in opulent silk, with a bloated belly, wearing an exaggerated tall hat topped with a coin, stood with his hands on his hips, laughing wildly, with several ingots scattered at his feet.
The accompanying text, scrawled crookedly: Nobles laugh heartily, Censors starve!
The second panel:
Still the same Q-version Censor who fainted from hunger, surrounded by Q-version Clerks wielding clubs, their faces ferocious. The Clerks were tearing off scraps of cloth inscribed with “Salary” from the Censor.
Accompanying text: Clerks are like jackals and wolves, snatching all the salary!
The third panel:
In the center of the scene, a massive, gleaming dragon throne, upon which sat a highly simplified Q-version Emperor, casually crossing his legs. He held a giant pig’s head in his hands, eating it greedily, the pig’s head drawn larger than the Emperor’s own head.
Below the dragon throne, a swarm of ant-sized Q-version Censors, bearing the giant character “Hunger” over their heads, gazed longingly at the pig’s head, their mouths watering.
Accompanying text: The Emperor eats pig’s head, Censors’ mouths water, when will unpaid salaries be returned? Little mice gnaw on books with sorrow!
Old Zhu looked at this abstract depiction of himself devouring a pig’s head, and then at the poignant accompanying text. He felt a surge of heat rush to the crown of his head once more.
Humiliation! Naked humiliation!!
These bastard things deserve to die!
How dare they so!
However.
Just as Old Zhu was about to kill them all without regard, he saw, beneath this purple “Emperor Eats Pig’s Head” cartoon, another, even more hastily drawn and unrestrained hand, filled with schadenfreude, writing a small line of text:
Emperor, oh Emperor, do you see? Your officials are not rebelling, it’s your shameless unpaid salary! Settle the accounts quickly, or in the next picture, you’ll be choked to death by the pig’s head!
— A friendly reminder from your neighbor, Citizen Zhang.
Boom!!
Old Zhu’s mind exploded!!
The last string of “reason” within him snapped completely!!
Damn you, Zhang Biao, I’m going to kill you!!
Bang–!!
“Your Majesty! Your Majesty!!”
High officials from the Six Ministries and the Nobles exclaimed in alarm.
Jiang Huan rushed forward, quickly supporting the collapsing Old Zhu, and let out a hysterical roar at the lower-ranking Capital Officials, who were still puffing out their cheeks, stunned into silence by the sudden grand spectacle: “Get out! All of you, get the hell out of here!!”
“Jiang Huan… go and arrest Zhang Biao… that scoundrel…”
Before he could finish speaking, Old Zhu fainted from anger.
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