Chapter 317: Awesome Duck
Heard the centipede demon singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” to me and Jin Buque, Big Brother I very politely replied with a song of my own.
“Ape lights the lamp, illuminates my home, letting lost children find their way…”
…
Several hours later, Big Brother I sat in the Wuji Sword Sect’s council hall, with Xiao Ling’er and Mingyue by my side, and Jin Buque placed the little duck on the table.
I asked the little duck, “Who are you? Why was that centipede chasing you?”
The little duck blinked its clever little eyes;
“Quack quack quack quack.” It let out a few strange cries.
It pretended to be foolish and said, “I am a little duck, quack quack quack, I am a little duck, quack quack quack…”
I thought to myself, this duck is quite strange, isn’t it? When it saw Jin Buque and me before, it could speak human language and cry for help. Now that I’ve brought it back, it’s starting to be disobedient. Damn brat, does it really think I’m that easy to fool?
I turned my head and said to Xue Pan, “That thing, Old Xue, send the duck to the mess hall tonight. Braised for the girl, spicy for the neck, smoked and soy-glazed for the wings, marinated for the feet, stewed with potatoes for the meat, and don’t throw away the down, save it to make a few pairs of gloves…”
As soon as I finished speaking, visible cold sweat appeared on the face of this self-proclaimed clever little duck.
It quickly extended its two wings, made a gesture of raising its hands in surrender, knelt before me, and very sensibly said;
“B-B-Big Brother, I… I… I am truly a duck. Please be merciful, please be merciful, don’t bother with a little duck like me. You are magnanimous, please don’t blame me. How about… how about you just let me go like a fart? On behalf of my ancestors, I thank your eight generations of ancestors.”
The more it said that, the more lines appeared on Big Brother’s head.
Xiao Ling’er and Mingyue by my side were amused by the little duck’s expression and snickered, especially when they saw Big Brother’s head looking like a ball of yarn, they laughed even harder, their chests heaving.
The other brothers, looking at my gloomy handsome face, wanted to laugh but were afraid I would beat them. They had always known that Big Brother had a bad habit: he wouldn’t easily hit the younger sisters, but for them, a bunch of grown men, he would kick them when he felt like it, and sometimes even reward them with a few hearty slaps. They were all so stifled that their faces turned red, and they dared not look up.
I grabbed the black lines from my head and threw them at the little duck’s face,
cursing loudly, “Damn it! What kind of idiotic duck are you? Can you even speak human language?”
The little duck looked puzzled and bewildered, replying, “B-Big Brother, I… I am speaking human language now!”
Damn it! Hearing that, Big Brother almost lost two of his eight kidney qi.
Damn it, this brat, doesn’t it understand any human nature? It doesn’t even understand what’s good or bad that it says…
I impatiently continued, “Stop farting. Now, whatever I ask you, you answer truthfully. Confess and be lenient, resist and be severe, refuse and you’ll have to go home for Chinese New Year, uh! No, that’s not it. Confess and be lenient, resist and be severe. If you pretend to be foolish again, you’ll be dinner tonight. Did you hear me?”
After being threatened so nakedly, the little duck instantly became obedient, closed its mouth, and nodded its duck head incessantly.
Seeing it like this, I finally suppressed the urge to eat a live duck.
“What is your name? Why was that big centipede chasing you?”
The little duck replied, “My name is Awesome Duck, and it’s because…”
Seeing that the little duck was still not being honest, it angered Big Brother so much that before it could finish its second sentence,
Laozi grabbed it by the neck, almost strangling this fool to death.
“Quack quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack.”
The little duck squawked as Big Brother choked it.
Coughing, it explained, “Cough cough cough, B-Big Brother, my name really is Awesome Duck, really, I’m not deceiving you. If you don’t believe me, look at my butt, it’s carved there.”
Hearing this, I grabbed the duck by the neck, pinned it down, and looked closely at its butt.
The next second, Laozi laughed again.
What met Big Brother’s eyes was a bloody duck butt, on which the words “Awesome” were indeed carved. I felt around the constantly bleeding wound, and felt the still warm duck blood.
I couldn’t help but agree, “Indeed, it’s awesome. How much force did it take? To deceive me, it even dug its own butt until it bled? You son of a bitch! This duck is truly a talent!”
Thinking this, I threw the duck into Jin Buque’s arms, “Old Jin, this brat is yours. Take it with you. If it dares to be disobedient, you eat it to supplement yourself. What’s the old saying? Toads eat swan meat. Although it’s a duck, it doesn’t matter. Ugly ducklings can turn into swans, and something called Awesome Duck can also be quite tasty.”
Jin Buque caught the duck, drooling as he looked at it. The little duck trembled all over and lay obediently in Jin Buque’s arms, not daring to move rashly.
Seeing that this little duck spoke a bit nonsensically and occasionally blurted out some absurdities, I directly had someone bring the centipede demon, which had now become super small and was being kept in a bottle.
I placed the bottle in front of me and stared at the centipede demon for a long time with narrowed eyes. The centipede demon felt uneasy under my gaze, opened its mouth as if to speak, but hesitated.
After a long while, I slowly said, “That duck has confessed everything. Don’t say I didn’t give you a chance. If you confess yourself, I will consider giving you a chance to repent and be a centipede again. But if you dare not tell the truth, hmph, I hear that centipedes can not only be barbecued but also have medicinal value. You can just consider how you want to die yourself.”
The centipede demon was so scared by the powerful aura emanating from me that it was stunned and trembled uncontrollably. Its ferocious and twisted face turned extremely pale from extreme fear, and its speech became stammering;
“G-Great… Lord… spare my life! This humble one… I… I confess and be lenient!” the centipede demon said, kneeling down and kowtowing like pounding garlic, begging me for mercy: “My Lord, my Lord, this humble one’s name is Bu Shoulu.
Actually… actually, I am not an ordinary centipede! Back in the day, when I was just a tiny centipede, my mother told me that children from poor families mature early. Therefore, over the years, I have worked hard to cultivate, and after countless hardships, I have achieved this little bit of cultivation.
G-Great… Lord, to be honest, Bu Shoulu has an aged mother above and young children to feed below. That thing, my Lord, you are magnanimous, please be merciful and let this humble one go!”
