Chapter 183:
Lu Ziyan earnestly explained, “There are no maidservants on the boat, only men. I…”
“Enough!” Xie Wanning had no desire to hear his excuses. Even if there were maidservants, he would probably do it himself. She quickly interrupted, “Get out!”
At these words, the room instantly fell silent.
Lu Ziyan was silent for a few breaths, then suddenly knelt on one knee on the couch and took her wrist. “I just didn’t want to leave you alone. Don’t be afraid, alright… I guarantee I’ll restrain myself and stay within bounds.”
His voice was very soft, but Xie Wanning heard every word clearly. She lowered her gaze to her captured hand and pursed her lips. “I am a married woman.”
Married woman.
Lu Ziyan curved his lips into an icy arc. “Don’t tell me you still want to go back. That sickly person is such a waste, full of schemes in his belly yet unable to even protect his own wife. Do you still want to remain devoted to him?”
That day at the outskirts of the Capital military camp when he let her go, he had sworn that it would be the last time he allowed her to run to another man.
Now that she was in his arms, he would never let her go again!
But Xie Wanning was not thinking of these things.
She was thinking that the incident at the Hot Spring Villa had caused such a stir that the person behind it would surely spread the news of her being kidnapped by bandits throughout the Capital City.
For a woman kidnapped by bandits whose reputation was ruined, even if Pei Yuqing loved her deeply and did not mind her stain, willing to treat her as before, what about the rest of the Pei Family?
Duke Pei’s Mansion had been passed down for a century, with generations of dukes, a prominent family. How could they accept such a matriarch of the clan?
Even Princess Duanyang, no matter how kind, probably could not tolerate such a daughter-in-law.
And the Xie Family…
If she divorced and returned home, it would equally tarnish the Xie Family’s reputation.
Her father and brothers would naturally not disdain her, but how could she return home with peace of mind, affecting the reputation of the Xie Clan’s daughters?
As she thought about it, Xie Wanning’s face grew paler and paler, her heart sinking straight down, feeling as if there was no place for her in the vast world.
After being kidnapped, where could she go?
A rough fingertip touched her face, and only then did Xie Wanning realize she had shed tears without knowing when.
“Don’t cry.” Lu Ziyan simply got on the bed, held her shoulders, lowered his head to look at her, and said seriously, “It’s not as serious as you think. Everyone will only know that I was lovesick, bold and reckless, and sent people into the Capital City overnight to kidnap you to the Northern Frontier.”
“As for Jin Wuji, rest assured, I won’t let him go back alive.” His voice was gentle, patiently coaxing her. “Don’t be afraid. You won’t be ruined. It’s all because I love you too much. It’s my fault. You are the victim.”
And you will smoothly become my Crown Princess, my Empress, the only young lady I truly love.
The world will only know how much I love you.
As for the humiliation you suffered, it will be buried forever with Jin Wuji’s death.
Lu Ziyan smiled lightly and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Wanwan, leave everything to me. I will hold you high, place you above all others, and you will be pure, clean, kind, and innocent, merely sitting high in the clouds overlooking the world.”
He had begun preparing countermeasures as soon as he learned this young lady had been kidnapped by the Jin people. He understood what she cared about most and was earnestly planning for her, solving the problems she faced.
At this moment, every word and sentence was entirely for her sake.
Xie Wanning stared at him blankly, as if she had never known him before, her eyes revealing bewilderment.
After a long while, as if finally understanding the meaning of his words, her lips moved, but she could not speak.
Past life and this life, a full two lifetimes, the impression this man before her gave was only coldness, tyranny, brutality, and arrogance.
In her previous life, he had never even said a soft word to her. Even in the most entangled moments on the couch, he only kissed more passionately, with the rest being more about urgent possession.
She could feel his fondness for toying with her body, but as for pity and affection, perhaps he hid it too well, or perhaps she was too slow-witted. In any case, she had never felt such things from him toward her.
This life was even more so. He was a complete madman, one she could neither shake off nor escape.
He had said many times that he loved her, but she had always scoffed at it.
How could such an obsessive madman understand loving someone?
But now, she could actually feel his gentleness.
How strange that the word “gentleness” could be associated with a madman like Lu Ziyan.
Xie Wanning’s heart pounded fiercely, her gaze gradually clearing. “If that’s the case, then you are seizing a minister’s wife. You will become the target of condemnation from all under heaven, and history books won’t spare you either.”
Lu Ziyan patted her head and coaxed, “As long as I’m alive, no one will dare to criticize me. As for after death… I never cared about those posthumous names.”
Seizing a minister’s wife?
He had long planned to do so; it was merely happening a bit earlier now. What did it matter?
“Is it worth it?” Xie Wanning’s heart was full of mixed feelings as she forced a smile with difficulty. “You spend your life resisting foreign enemies, achieving merits and fame. You shouldn’t be so focused on romantic love.”
In life, one enjoys fame, fortune, ascends to the highest position, holds the power of life and death, with no one to check them. If there was anything else to care about, wasn’t it posthumous name?
This young lady had a heart of stone, yet it was so rare to see her moved before him. Lu Ziyan’s heart filled with joy as he chuckled lowly, “Moved already? …If you’re moved, how about repaying me with your body?”
Xie Wanning: “…”
She was speechless and choked, all her complex emotions instantly vanishing without a trace at his interruption. Just as she was about to say something, her chin was grasped and lifted. He leaned in close and kissed her directly.
The moment their lips touched, Xie Wanning hurriedly dodged. “No!”
As she dodged, Lu Ziyan’s lips landed on her cheek. His breathing paused slightly as he said softly, “Don’t be afraid… don’t be afraid…”
“I won’t force you on this, but I also can’t let you go back.” He pulled back a little and gazed down at her. “Wanwan, try to understand me. I’m really scared. I don’t want to experience that despair of not knowing if you’re alive or dead again.”
No more than the collapse of heaven and earth.
The image of him dropping heavily to his knees echoed in her mind again. Xie Wanning pursed her lips tightly, still trying to make a final struggle. “I’ve been in the Jin people’s hands for so long. I’m already a wilted flower, defeated…”
“Shut up!” Lu Ziyan’s expression changed.
“It’s the truth.” Xie Wanning did not yield but lifted her head to meet his gaze. “Do you remember Liu Manrou, whom you personally ordered to comfort the troops? …What I went through is similar to hers.”
She stared fixedly into his eyes, trying to find even a trace of resentment, disdain, embarrassment, or stiffness.
But there was none. His eyes held nothing of the sort. Instead, he pinched her chin, leaned in close, and kissed her fiercely. “That doesn’t count for anything. Jin Wuji deserves to die. You’ve always been good. Don’t say such self-deprecating words again.”
With that, he curved his lips into a smile. “My Wanwan is so proud and arrogant. Don’t you hate reading those women’s instructional books the most? You said they were written by sour scholars to suppress women, binding you with chastity and wifely virtues. You’re right. I’ll order them banned later.”
Xie Wanning clutched the cotton quilt tightly, feeling strange about the changes in her own heart.
She could actually truly feel his sincere care.
He was the commander of the three armies. He wouldn’t be unaware that in her current state of mind, she couldn’t withstand the slightest disturbance.
She was sensitive and uneasy, inferior and cowardly, no longer the young lady who, upon confirming the dream was real, decisively broke the engagement, hastily remarried without looking back, fearless of anything.
But he did not do that.
He did not extend a hand to her, fallen into the abyss, as a savior, saying things like “No matter what you’ve been through, I don’t mind you,” which seemed indifferent on the surface but actually acknowledged her ruined state.
Nor did he, seeing her sudden change and unsettled mind, use tactics to crush her spirit.
Xie Wanning thought for a long time. Was it that she had been blind before, or had the man before her changed?
After a long while, she said dryly, “I thought you would mind these things a lot.”
The day he learned of her consummation, his furious appearance was still vivid in her mind.
How could he not mind her being touched by another man?
Lu Ziyan also thought of those things. His jaw tightened for a moment before he smiled frankly. “Of course I mind. To be honest, that sickly person is the one I hate most in this life.”
His smile was quite ferocious. Xie Wanning pursed her lips tightly and said nothing.
“Wanwan, be with me.” Lu Ziyan gazed at her fixedly. After a moment, unable to resist, he leaned down and pecked her forehead. “No matter how sinful I am, you’ve punished me long enough. Isn’t it time the sentence ends?”
Since she hadn’t sentenced him to death, she should give him a chance to atone and reform.
He had already suffered the most painful punishment in the world. Shouldn’t he at least see a glimmer of hope’s dawn?
Xie Wanning reached up to touch her forehead where he had kissed it, silent for a moment, then averted her eyes from his hopeful gaze. “Too much has happened all at once. Don’t force me to give you an answer so hastily.”
This was the first time she had not sternly refused, shunning him like a snake or scorpion, or berated him as disgusting.
Lu Ziyan nearly wanted to shed tears. He nodded repeatedly. “I won’t force you. Take your time to think. I can wait.”
With her under his wings, as long as she was willing to consider accepting him again, there was nothing he couldn’t wait for.
Xie Wanning did not look at him but lowered her gaze. “I’m hungry.”
She hadn’t eaten last night, had a fever all night, was injured, lost so much blood, and now her body was so weak she couldn’t even get out of bed.
With not even a maidservant, Lu Ziyan personally brought breakfast to the side of the couch.
He seemed quite interested in a maidservant’s work. After serving tea, water, and helping her wash up, he even wanted to feed her personally, but Xie Wanning politely refused.
Her injury was on her neck, not her hand. What was the point of being fed?
The warfare in the Northern Frontier was urgent. Lu Ziyan had abandoned all military affairs to rush to Yuezhou to rescue her, leaving only Ming Jian and a few deputy generals to maintain the overall situation. After rescuing Xie Wanning, he turned the boat around and hurried back.
Over the next two days, they traveled by water route, but there was no news from the people chasing and blocking Jin Wuji along the shore. Yet Lu Ziyan was not anxious at all.
All the passes back to the Jin Kingdom were guarded by his men. Jin Wuji’s foreign features were obvious; even disguised, he couldn’t escape. Unless he died at the bottom of Dayang Lake, he would be caught sooner or later.
On the third day, they switched from water to land route.
In the carriage, Xie Wanning leaned against the carriage wall with a soft pillow at her waist, her expression listless.
After several days of nourishment, her body had improved somewhat. In the chill of autumn and winter, the wound on her neck, treated with the finest gold wound medicine, was healing quickly. But the closer they got to the Northern Frontier, the more uneasy she became, her thoughts wandering.
She wondered how the Capital City was. Had the news of her overnight disappearance turned into her being kidnapped by Lu Ziyan?
Had Pei Yuqing received the news?
And were her parents and elder brother worrying about her day and night?
When Lu Ziyan lifted the carriage curtain and came in, he saw her face full of gloom. He coughed lightly and smiled. “What are you thinking?”
Xie Wanning glanced at him and voiced her inner worries one by one. Finally, she said, “After I died in the past life, what happened to my mother and father?”
Ever since learning he too had awakened memories of the past life, this was what she had most wanted to ask.
These past few days, they had gotten along fairly harmoniously. At her strong insistence, he no longer came to her couch, nor did he kiss her at every turn. Sitting face-to-face, they could talk calmly, and she was no longer bristling all over.
They were like a pair of lovers who had resolved past grievances, familiar with each other yet faintly ill at ease.
This so-called calm was maintained because they had tacitly avoided mentioning the tragic past events.
Now, as she suddenly brought it up, Lu Ziyan’s back stiffened involuntarily, unsure whether to feel joy or sorrow.
The events of the past life were scabbed wounds for both of them.
Untouchable, painful at a thought.
Bringing up the old matters now—did it mean she was willing to try letting go, or… reminding him that those harms would always exist?
He was silent for a long time. Xie Wanning slightly lifted her eyelid and looked over. “Is this question hard to answer?”
Could it be that he had done something to her parents…
“Don’t overthink it.” Lu Ziyan’s expression sharpened as he said seriously, “I never made things difficult for your parents or elder brother.”
Even when he later became bloodthirsty, waging wars everywhere—not enough with court officials’ heads rolling—he never thought of touching the Xie Family.
“At that time, they wanted to snatch you away, and I wouldn’t allow it… but I didn’t harm them either.” He said hoarsely, “After I ascended to the throne, your father and brother resigned and returned to their hometown. The marquis’s estate title went to your second uncle’s family.”
Simply and briefly, in a few words, he summed up everything her family had done for her.
Xie Wanning blinked hard to hold back her tears.
When news of her death reached them, how heartbroken her parents and brother must have been, how much resentment toward Lu Ziyan, frantically tripping him up, doing everything to make him suffer.
Yet in the end, he still ascended the throne. To avoid implicating the rest of the Xie Family, her father and brother resigned, even gave up the title, and returned directly to their ancestral home.
Her parents, white-haired sending off the black-haired, didn’t even see their daughter one last time, yet couldn’t seek justice for her.
Her elder brother was the famed Third Scholar of the Capital City, full of ambitions he couldn’t realize because he couldn’t serve the enemy who wronged his sister, so he returned to the countryside as a wealthy idler.
