Chapter 104: Open The Door, Emperor! We Are Auditors! Monthly Ticket Bonus Chapter 9
“Brother Biao?”
Watching Jiang Huan and his officials’ boats depart, Shen Lang sidled up to Zhang Biao and cautiously asked, “You received the Emperor’s decree, does that mean the audit is starting again?”
“Yes, Brother Biao, are we going to continue the audit?” Sun Gui picked up the chamber pot lamp from the ground and held it up.
Li Mo, Zhao Fengman, Wu Nai Da, and the others, on the other hand, looked at Zhang Biao with clenched fists. Although they didn’t say a word, they were full of drive.
Then, Zhang Biao said with a smile, “Of course, we’re going to audit.”
“But…”
He deliberately drew out the word, tapped the imperial decree stained with pig’s head meat grease with his finger, and said calmly and eerily, “The Emperor told us to audit, but he didn’t say whether to audit the civil and military officials, or himself?”
“What!?”
Zhang Biao’s words struck everyone like a thunderclap from the heavens.
Everyone looked at him as if they had seen a ghost, their minds completely blank.
“Clang!”
The wine bowl in Shen Lang’s hand fell to the ground and shattered.
He suspected he was still drunk and hallucinating.
Sun Gui, who was secretly trying to snatch the last piece of pig’s ear, froze with his chopsticks in mid-air, his mouth agape wide enough to fit an egg.
Li Mo nearly choked to death, coughing violently: “Cough, cough, Brother Biao! Be careful what you say! Be careful! Everything under heaven belongs to the King, and all shores of the land belong to the King’s subjects! How can the Emperor, the Emperor…”
“What about the Emperor?”
Zhang Biao glared, interrupting him righteously:
“Isn’t the Emperor part of the Great Ming? Doesn’t the Emperor have to abide by the laws of the Great Ming? He, Old Zhu, always says that the world belongs to the Zhu family, but it belongs even more to all the people!”
“Where does the money in his Imperial Treasury come from? Isn’t it transferred from the National Treasury? Isn’t it the sweat and blood of the people? Does he have a budget for his spending? Does he have final accounts? Does he accept supervision?”
A series of questions struck everyone’s hearts like heavy hammers, leaving them dizzy and disoriented.
Audit the Emperor?!
Scrutinize the Imperial Treasury?!
Ask the Emperor for budgets and final accounts?!
Make the Emperor accept supervision for his spending!?
“Crazy, crazy, truly crazy.”
Zhao Fengman muttered to himself, feeling he might not live to see tomorrow.
“That’s right! It’s crazy!”
Zhang Biao, on the contrary, slapped his thigh and became excited:
“Which of the things we do isn’t crazy? Since we’re going to be crazy, let’s be mad on a grand scale! Mad in a way that has never been seen before or since!”
As he spoke, he leaned in close to everyone, lowering his voice as if plotting a world-shattering event:
“Think about it, why did Old Zhu give us money and promotions? Isn’t it because we touched his sore spot?”
“Does he think that by putting us on the spot, we’ll be scared? Cowardly? We won’t dare to investigate?”
“Bah! We will investigate! And we’ll investigate where it hurts him the most!”
“He wants to clear the accounts, right? Alright! We’ll clear them from the root! Starting with the Imperial Treasury of our great Hongwu Emperor!”
“We will establish the ‘Hongwu Imperial Treasury Audit Special Action Group’! I will personally be the team leader! You are all members!”
Shen Lang and the others were completely petrified, their brains had stopped functioning, and they could only stare blankly at Zhang Biao, as if watching a fireworks display about to explode, brilliant and deadly.
Zhang Biao spoke with increasing fervor, gesticulating as he planned:
“Step one! Draft a formal letter requesting the disclosure of the Hongwu Emperor’s Imperial Treasury accounts and their submission to the Censorate for audit!”
“The tone should be respectful, the attitude proper, but the content must be hardcore!”
“We will ask about the Imperial Treasury’s annual revenue sources, expenditure items, and surplus situation!”
“We will ask about the standards for building palaces, rewarding the imperial harem, and giving pocket money to princes and imperial grandsons! Was there any overspending? Was there any misappropriation of treasury silver?”
“Step two! Cross-reference with the Ministry of Revenue archives, check the records of treasury allocations to the Imperial Treasury over the years!”
“Check them one by one! See if any were over-allocated, early-allocated, or allocated when they shouldn’t have been!”
“Step three, and the most important step!”
Zhang Biao’s eyes shone: “Apply for an on-site inventory! We’re going into the palace! To the Imperial Treasury storeroom!”
“We need to see with our own eyes how much wealth Old Zhu’s little treasury has accumulated! Are the accounts inconsistent with reality? Is it poorly managed? Is there rot and vermin? We’re doing this for his own good! To prevent the loss of state assets!”
“Plop!”
“Plop!”
Several muffled thuds were heard. Li Mo, Zhao Fengman, and a few others with weaker psychological resilience had their legs give out from fear, and they sat down on the ground.
Request to inventory the Emperor’s treasury? And prevent the loss of state assets?
This wasn’t just seeking death; this was being afraid of not dying thoroughly enough and also facing extermination of nine generations of a family!
“Brother Biao! Don’t do it! Absolutely don’t do it!”
Shen Lang finally reacted, rushing forward and hugging Zhang Biao’s leg, his voice trembling with tears:
“That’s the Emperor! The Son of Heaven! We’ll be wiped out if we do this! We’ll really be wiped out!”
Zhang Biao gently kicked him away, saying with disappointment, “Look at your lack of ambition! What are you afraid of? We are now investigating according to the imperial decree!”
As he spoke, he raised the imperial decree in his hand and said with a resounding voice:
“This imperial decree states that I am in charge of the account clearing matters and will investigate to the end. It doesn’t say we can’t audit the Imperial Treasury! We are strictly implementing the spirit of the Emperor’s instructions!”
He stood with his hands on his hips, looking as if it was all natural:
“If Old Zhu has nothing to hide and is open and honest, why would he be afraid of an audit? It would be a good opportunity to show all his subjects his integrity and self-discipline!”
“If he gets angry and has us executed…”
Zhang Biao paused, a look of martyr-like fervor appearing on his face:
“Then that will just prove he’s guilty? That there’s a problem with his Imperial Treasury? That we’ve hit the nail on the head with our audit? Even if we die, we’ll be sacrificing ourselves for the cause of auditing, and our deaths will be meaningful! Heavier than Mount Tai!”
“This…”
The crowd was utterly speechless.
This logic was impeccable, and yet incredibly outrageous!
It was an extreme manifestation of twisted reasoning and heresy!
Seeing their expressions of “I don’t want to play anymore, this game is too scary,” Zhang Biao grinned and started to paint a rosy picture:
“Think about it, brothers! Throughout history, which censor has ever done what we’re about to do?”
“Auditing the Emperor! Does that title sound impressive? Is it exciting enough? Enough for you to brag about for ten lifetimes?”
“If we succeed, we’ll be the greatest audit team of all time, renowned throughout history!”
“If we fail, we’ll be the first audit team of all time to die tragically! We’ll still be renowned throughout history!”
“Either way, we’ll be remembered in history, so this move isn’t a loss!”
He patted the basin of now cold pig’s head meat: “Quick, eat your fill! Shen Lang, ink and brush ready!”
“I’m going to start drafting that earth-shattering, soul-stirring audit letter right now!”
“Sun Gui, tomorrow morning, take people to Yingtian Prefecture and spread the word further!”
“Say that Vice Censor-in-Chief Zhang, out of concern for the Emperor’s well-being and worrying about chaos in the Imperial Treasury management, fears the existence of rats and vermin, and intends to personally inventory the Emperor’s storeroom to provide protection!”
“Li Mo, you’re a talented writer, design a slogan for our ‘Imperial Treasury Audit Special Action Group’!”
“It needs to be loud! It needs to be imposing! It needs to embody our great spirit of pleading for the people and fearing no imperial power!”
Inside the pleasure boat, the ‘crazy wolves’ who had planned to feast and enjoy the Qinhuai River that night, led by Zhang Biao, the ultimate madman, began an absurd and audacious plan unprecedented in human history.
Auditing the Imperial Treasury of the Hongwu Great Emperor Zhu Yuanzhang.
It was imaginable what a nuclear-level shockwave would be triggered when this ‘audit letter’ arrived at Huagai Hall, and when the news of ‘auditing the Emperor’s Imperial Treasury’ spread throughout Yingtian Prefecture.
The Hongwu Emperor would likely not just be angered to the point of fainting.
He might personally take his saber and charge from Huagai Hall to the Censorate, then to the Gate of Heavenly Acceptance, and finally to Zhang Biao’s official residence, without blinking for three days and three nights.
And then personally perform a ‘physical audit’ on Zhang Biao.
To see how hard his bones were, and how thick his skin was.
And this was precisely what Zhang Biao desired.
“Bring it on, Old Zhu!!”
Zhang Biao looked at the fish-belly white sky outside the window, a smile of extreme anticipation on his face: “Let’s see whose saber is faster, or whose abacus beads are louder!”
The next morning, Old Zhu had just finished the calming soup meticulously prepared by the imperial physicians. His complexion was still a bit sallow, but the coldness and sharpness in his eyes had returned.
He was listening to Jiang Huan’s low report on Zhang Biao and the others’ reactions after receiving the imperial decree the previous night, a cold smile playing on his lips.
Everything seemed to be proceeding according to his script.
Zhang Biao, this mad saber, seemed to have accepted his fate and was ready to tear into the officials for him.
Just then, Yun Ming entered, holding a document, his face ashen and his steps unsteady. He looked ten times more terrified than Zhang Biao had when he tore up the imperial decree yesterday.
“Your Majesty… the Left Vice Censor-in-Chief of the Censorate, Zhang Biao, has a memorial to present…”
Yun Ming’s voice trembled uncontrollably, almost to the point of tears.
“Oh?”
Old Zhu raised an eyebrow, took the document, and said with a hint of playfulness, “So soon into character? What new evidence has he found against some unlucky fellow? Let me see, who is this ‘mad dog’ biting first.”
He casually unfolded the so-called ‘memorial’.
What greeted his eyes was not the expected list of impeachments, but an incredibly glaring title:
“Formal Letter Requesting the Disclosure of the Hongwu Emperor’s Imperial Treasury Accounts and Their Submission to the Censorate for Audit.”
Old Zhu: “???”
What in the world is this?!
He suspected he had fainted four times and his eyes were playing tricks on him, so he blinked hard.
That’s right!
The title was correct!
It was ‘auditing the Emperor’s Imperial Treasury’!
The content below caused his blood pressure to surge:
“Your subject, Zhang Biao, having received Your Majesty’s grace and promotion, feels the immense responsibility of overseeing the account clearing matters, and worries day and night about failing Your Majesty’s expectations.”
“In order to thoroughly investigate corruption, trace the source, and demonstrate Your Majesty’s radiant virtue, and to silence the gossip of the world.”
“Therefore, in accordance with the law and regulations, I hereby request a comprehensive, public, and impartial audit of Your Majesty’s Imperial Treasury accounts.”
“First, I request that Your Majesty order the Imperial Household Department to provide all detailed account books and original vouchers for all income, expenditure, and surplus of the Imperial Treasury from the first year of Hongwu, for verification.”
“Second, I request that Your Majesty clarify the allocation procedures and approval authority for Imperial Treasury funds and National Treasury funds, and verify whether the allocation records over the years have involved any irregularities, exceeding limits, or excessive frequency.”
“Third, to ensure the accounts match reality, your subject humbly requests Your Majesty to permit your subject to lead the ‘Hongwu Imperial Treasury Audit Special Action Group’ into the palace to conduct an on-site inventory and audit of the Imperial Treasury storeroom.”
“Fourth, I request that Your Majesty provide budget approval documents and final account reports for major expenditure items such as the expenses of the imperial harem, rewards for the imperial clan, and palace renovations.”
“The actions of your subjects are by no means a challenge to Your Majesty, but rather to share Your Majesty’s burdens, eliminate ills for the state, and set an example for all the people!”
“Your Majesty is the lord of the world and an example for all the people. If you can take the lead by disclosing your accounts and accepting supervision, then all corrupt individuals in the world will be struck with fear, and the glorious Hongwu era will be a time of clarity and order!”
“The sincere intentions of your subjects are as clear as the sun and moon! I await Your Majesty’s wise decision!”
“Signed: Zhang Biao, Left Vice Censor-in-Chief of the Censorate, concurrently Team Leader of the Hongwu Imperial Treasury Audit Special Action Group.”
“…”
Old Zhu held this ‘audit letter’ in his hand, his hand beginning to tremble uncontrollably, even more violently than when he had seen the ham’s ‘memorial’ yesterday.
His face turned from sallow to ruddy, then to ashen, and finally to a deathly pale white.
He felt a surge of blood rush from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head like an out-of-control tornado.
His temples pounded, and the words in front of him began to blur and spin.
Motherfucker!
I just promoted you? And now you’re here to audit me?!
Where’s my saber!?
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