Chapter 113: Old Zhu: I’m Tired, So Tired. Requesting Monthly Tickets!
“Brother Biao! Slow down! Think twice—!”
“Censor Zhang! As long as the green hills remain, there’ll be wood to burn—!”
“They have the numbers, don’t do anything rash—!”
“Without you, what will we do—!”
Shen Lang, Li Mo, Sun Gui, and others wailed, trying to restrain the ‘spiritual leader,’ ‘pig’s head meat advocate,’ and ‘Audit Department’s strongman’ who was bent on dying.
Zhang Biao, with a bloodthirsty expression that seemed to say ‘it’s worth the ticket price even if I die,’ sped towards the Hall of Supreme Harmony Square.
The scene was both chaotic and absurd, like a poorly staged slapstick comedy.
However, as they approached the Hall of Supreme Harmony Square, the sight before them made Zhang Biao ‘tsk’ with slight disappointment.
He saw a vast expanse of officials kneeling on the square, all in green robes, their expressions solemn, a truly impressive formation.
But it was too civilized! Too orderly!
There were no chamber pot lamps, no broken shoe lamps, no straw mats for ‘lying dead,’ and certainly no grief-stricken roars of ‘If Brother Biao were not born, the Great Ming would be like eternal night’ or ‘Give us back our pig’s head meat.’
Only neat kneeling postures, sorrowful expressions, and accusations delivered with measured cadences, quoting classics.
It was practically a live broadcast of a grand, solemn, and traditional ‘dying for a cause’ event.
In fact, this was the traditional form of dying for a cause.
And while Zhang Biao’s ‘dying for a cause’ was also a form of dying for a cause, it was entirely different.
This was because ‘dying for a cause’ emphasized actions for the nation and its people.
Throughout history, how many loyal officials and martyrs were concerned for the nation and its people, dying to uphold the Way.
The affairs of the world are often complex and winding, so directly stating one’s intentions might seem rash, dry, or shallow.
Especially if the complex and winding circumstances do not align.
Therefore, the ancients always advocated that speech should avoid directness, meaning should avoid shallowness, pulse should avoid exposure, and taste should avoid brevity.
To put it plainly, dying for a cause doesn’t mean truly wanting to die, but rather holding a determination to die, to indirectly express one’s admonishments to the monarch in hopes that the monarch will accept the advice.
But this kind of ‘dying for a cause’ was not at all satisfying for Zhang Biao.
He disliked that kind of roundabout talk, even having to quote classics and lecture at length to make Old Zhu understand his meaning.
Let alone whether Old Zhu had the patience, he himself felt it was a waste of time.
After all, he felt that every extra day spent in the Great Ming World was a torment.
Therefore, he adopted the most direct and frenzied method of ‘dying for a cause.’
If Old Zhu couldn’t solve the problem, he would solve the person.
Anyway, as long as you understood my admonishment, it would be fine. If you didn’t, it also didn’t matter; kill me, and I’ll admonish again next time.
“Brother Biao.”
Shen Lang cautiously approached: “What do you think?”
“Boring.”
Zhang Biao sighed and shook his head, commenting with disdain: “Much worse than you guys, not even a bit of performance art, a bad rating!”
And at the same time, in a nearby office.
Through the window lattice, watching the dozens of neatly kneeling officials on the square shouting slogans thunderously, Fu Youwen’s mouth curved into an uncontrollable, proud arc.
“Everyone, do you see?”
His voice was low, with a hint of confident self-importance from having planned it all: “This is power. Not weapons, but better than weapons. Not gold and silver, yet it can shake the Emperor’s heart.”
“A bunch of pedantic scholars, usually an eyesore, but can be useful at crucial moments.”
Ru Chang patted his plump belly and sneered: “Such a charge of ruining the nation and harming the people, of destabilizing the national foundation, is well placed! Let’s see how Zhang Biao can handle it!”
“The key to this matter is seizing the point of national stagnation.”
Zheng Ci nodded slightly, smiling as he added: “The Emperor can tolerate madness, can tolerate insubordination, can even tolerate borrowing a knife to kill, but he will never tolerate someone truly shaking the foundation of his empire.”
Saying that, he looked around at everyone and then said solemnly: “We have struck at the vital point this time.”
“Moreover!”
Zhai Shan’s young, sharp gaze swept over the square and he added: “With these pure stream officials coming forward, even if the Emperor sees that we are behind it, he will have difficulty blaming us.”
“After all, those pure stream officials are upholding the Court Order, upholding propriety, upholding the rules the Emperor himself established. If the Emperor forcibly suppresses this, it will chill the hearts of the scholars of the world.”
“Hehehe.”
The four looked at each other and smiled, feeling the pleasure of masterminds controlling the situation.
They could already imagine Old Zhu, under pressure, being forced to order Zhang Biao’s arrest, or even execution.
And this wild audit farce would ultimately end in their victory.
“Look! There comes that scoundrel Zhang Biao!”
Someone suddenly exclaimed.
Swish!
The kneeling pure stream officials, who were immersed in a solemn atmosphere of self-pity, suddenly heard this exclamation and immediately looked over in unison.
Especially seeing Zhang Biao’s nonchalant, spectator-like demeanor, their wrath was instantly ignited, and their emotions became even more agitated.
“Zhang Biao! You demonic person who ruins the nation! How dare you show yourself?!”
A rather passionate pure stream censor instantly leaped up from the ground, pointing at Zhang Biao, then at himself: “Look me in the eye! Bastard! See what this court has become because of you!?”
“That’s right! It’s you! Zhang Biao!”
Another middle-aged pure stream official, with a stern face but righteous indignation, also stood up and echoed:
“It was you who caused the Six Ministries to shut down, and the nation is no longer a nation! I beg the Emperor to swiftly execute this villain! To appease the world—!”
“I beg the Emperor to swiftly execute this villain! To appease the world—!”
“I beg the Emperor to swiftly execute this villain! To appease the world—!”
The echoes of agreement rose and fell, high-pitched and sharp.
The curses washed over them like a tide, colder than the golden bricks of the Hall of Supreme Harmony, sharper than the quills of the censors.
If looks could kill, Zhang Biao would have been sliced to death eight hundred times by now.
Old Censor Li Tiesheng trembled with anger, pointing at Zhang Biao, his voice hoarse: “Your Majesty! Do you see? This scoundrel has no remorse!”
“His demeanor is frivolous, treating the Court Order and state law as nothing! Such a monster, if not eliminated, heaven and earth will not tolerate it! The law of the land will not tolerate it, Your Majesty!”
“Brother Biao.”
Li Mo and the others had never seen such a scene; they were so terrified by the collective aura and heart-piercing accusations of these pure stream officials that their legs went weak, and they instinctively wanted to shrink back.
Zhang Biao’s eyes, however, lit up.
That’s right! This is the feeling!
A criticism session! This is the standard procedure for dying for a cause!
Far from being afraid, he puffed out his chest, met the countless angry gazes, and strode towards the group of pure stream officials. He even tidied his robes, cleared his throat, as if about to deliver an acceptance speech.
Then, he did something that stunned everyone—
He bowed deeply to the pure stream officials who wished they could eat him alive, his face filled with sincere gratitude, and said in a clear, loud voice: “Thank you! Thank you, my colleagues!”
Boom!
The entire square erupted!
In an instant, the Hall of Supreme Harmony Square fell silent.
Even the angry curses faltered.
“???”
All the pure stream officials had question marks on their foreheads, thinking, has this person gone even crazier?!
Shen Lang and the others couldn’t help but twitch their lips, raise their hands to their foreheads, and think, Brother Biao is having an episode again!
As for Zhang Biao,
He completely ignored everyone’s reaction, straightened his back, looked around, and said with even more genuine expression:
“Honestly, I didn’t expect our relationship to be so deep, truly! I am so moved!”
“I never expected that I, Zhang Biao, would be honored by so many righteous pure stream officials gathering here to ‘plead for me’!”
“What an honor this is!”
He paused, as if overcome with emotion, and continued: “My colleagues, your scoldings are right! They are well said! Every word comes from the heart, every character is a pearl!”
“I, Zhang Biao, am indeed rebellious! I truly deserve to die! I disrupted the Court Order! I destabilized the national foundation! My sins are unforgivable, and death is insufficient atonement!”
As he spoke, he nodded vigorously, as if fully agreeing with their criticism: “So, haven’t I come?”
“I have come to support you all! To uphold your righteous demands!”
“I beg the Emperor to swiftly execute me, Zhang Biao! He must execute me! Execute me immediately! Execute me now!”
“Failure to execute will not appease the public anger! Failure to execute will not rectify the Court Order! Failure to execute would be a disservice to your knees, which are sore from kneeling today!”
As he spoke, he thoughtfully pointed to his own neck and said to Old Censor Li Tiesheng and others:
“When the Emperor arrives, please put in a good word for me, say that I have a good attitude towards my confession, I only wish for a swift death, and it would be best if I were flayed and stuffed to warn others!”
“Definitely don’t be soft-hearted and sentence me to exile three thousand li, that would be so boring!”
When his words fell, a profound silence ensued.
A deathly silence.
On the Hall of Supreme Harmony Square, only the faint sound of the morning breeze blowing through the official robes remained, along with a group of petrified pure stream officials and the ‘Audit Dream Team’ who nearly dropped their jaws.
The minds of all the pure stream officials had crashed.
They had prepared countless passionate impeachment speeches and envisioned many scenarios of Zhang Biao’s sophistry, resistance, or even insults—
They had never imagined that the other party would come over, express agreement, and demand that the pressure be increased?!
It felt like having mustered all your strength to punch cotton?
No, it was like hitting a spring, and it rebounded to smack them in the face!
Old Censor Li Tiesheng’s mouth was agape, his finger still pointing at Zhang Biao, but he couldn’t utter a single word. His old face was flushed red, as if he would follow in Guo Ying and Old Zhu’s footsteps and faint on the spot.
How… how can this be impeached now?!
The other party confessed to everything!
And is asking to die even more miserably! How can this play continue?!
Will this have to be changed into a joint signing ceremony for a petition requesting the execution of Zhang Biao?!
“Pfft—!”
Shen Lang, hiding behind, couldn’t help but laugh, then quickly covered his mouth tightly, his shoulders shaking from suppressed laughter.
Sun Gui, Li Mo, and others also had contorted expressions, wanting to laugh but not daring to, wanting to cry but finding it absurd.
And at the same time, inside Huagai Hall.
When Old Zhu heard Yun Ming’s report, he was as agitated as a lion trapped in a cage.
He paced back and forth in the hall, the shouts of ‘Your Majesty! Execute Censor Zhang!’ echoing in his ears. Not only did they not ignite a desire to kill, but they only made him more furious.
“Shut up! All of you, shut the hell up—!”
He suddenly roared in a low voice in the direction of the outside of the hall, but his voice was blocked by the thick palace walls.
He knew Zhang Biao too well, especially after their ‘exchanges’ during this period; he had understood Zhang Biao’s demands.
Zhang Biao wanted this outcome. Whether he was auditing the Six Ministries, auditing the nobles, or doing those crazy things, his demand was only one: to force the Emperor to kill him.
And the ‘dying for a cause’ officials outside were exactly what he wanted.
Therefore, he would not only not stop those pure stream officials from pleading for his execution, but he would also add fuel to the fire, further pressuring himself to kill him.
Thinking of this, Old Zhu felt exhausted.
How could someone not cherish their life so much?!
Wasn’t it said that the body and hair are gifts from one’s parents? Why was life so worthless to Zhang Biao?!
Old Zhu truly couldn’t figure it out, and he wouldn’t see those pure stream officials, nor would he kill Zhang Biao.
Because if he met those pure stream officials, they would inevitably lament Zhang Biao’s crimes, and then what? What should he do then?
Kill Zhang Biao? That ‘mad dog’ would be delighted!
He might even shout ‘Audit the Imperial Treasury, it is an honor to die for this!’ before dying, nailing Old Zhu to the pillar of historical shame.
Not kill Zhang Biao? Then these pure stream officials would surely be relentless, and some might even die in front of the hall.
Then the reputation of Zhu Yuanzhang being harsh and ungenerous, and condoning wicked officials, would be further solidified.
Of course, he didn’t care about the bad reputation, the key was that he didn’t want to kill Zhang Biao.
At least not yet.
“Yun Ming!”
“Your servant is here!”
“Go tell those people outside that our dragon body is unwell and requires rest, and we will see no one! Tell them all to disperse!”
Old Zhu chose the most classic tactic: ‘delay.’
Then he gave another order:
“Also, send an imperial decree to Jiang Huan, tell him to keep an eye on Zhang Biao! Do not let that ‘mad dog’ go within half a step of the Hall of Supreme Harmony!”
“And do not let him submit any more memorials, especially any with the words ‘Audit Imperial Treasury.’ Burn every one we see!”
“Understood.”
Yun Ming accepted the imperial decree with a bitter face and departed.
This task was truly damnably difficult.
