Chapter 2: Everyone Else Is Drunk, But I Alone Face Death!
In the early morning of Yingtian Prefecture, the air still held a hint of coolness.
Zhang Biao lay on a hard bed and suddenly opened his eyes.
Skillfully performing the next step, his movements were seamless.
1. Touch neck—intact!
2. Look at arm—pure white countdown disappeared!
3. Feel body—waist doesn’t hurt, legs don’t ache, just a bit of a desire to play with my mobile phone!
Zhang Biao nimbly climbed out of bed, first tidying his washed-out pale green seventh-rank censor’s official robe, straightened his askew black gauze cap in front of a blurry bronze mirror, and then pushed open the door.
“Whoosh”
A refreshing breeze, unlike that of modern times, brushed against his face, carrying a hint of human activity.
Although the mortality rate for officials under Old Zhu was high, all the benefits were still provided.
For example, the dormitory Zhang Biao lived in was arranged by the court. Although it was a bit simple, it was very close to the Imperial City, making it convenient for attending court.
However, this Official Residence also fully demonstrated Old Zhu’s wisdom, which was that people of the same kind gather together, and things of the same kind are grouped together. What kind of official you are, is the kind of officials around you. Don’t think about trying to get close to power and become an official overnight.
“Good morning! Brother Zhang!”
Censor Shen, also of seventh rank from next door, was slurping congee from a coarse porcelain bowl at the doorway. Seeing Zhang Biao, he greeted him enthusiastically: “Seeing your ruddy complexion and energetic spirit today, there must be good news!”
Zhang Biao paused, a wave of internal complaint washing over him. What ruddy complexion? That was the flush from being scared to death! Energetic spirit? I’m rushing to my death, Brother Shen! Good news? When Old Zhu dragged me out of the Meridian Gate and beheaded me yesterday, you were so scared you wet yourself!
“Good morning, Brother Shen! Thanks, thanks!”
He forced a standard, slightly stiff professional smile onto his face: “Yes! Today is a good day for admonishment!”
“Uh”
Censor Shen felt that Zhang Biao had been increasingly strange lately. Every time he spoke of admonishment, his tone was filled with a tragic solemnity, and his eyes always revealed a peculiar excitement. So, he couldn’t help but kindly remind him: “Brother Zhang’s courage is commendable! However, the Emperor’s might is currently at its peak, so it’s best to be cautious!”
After saying this, he looked around again and lowered his voice: “Yesterday, we just executed one of our colleagues…”
That colleague was me!
Zhang Biao felt a mix of amusement and helplessness, but outwardly he nodded seriously, displaying a resolute look of ‘I understand, but I choose not to’: “Thank you for your reminder, Brother Shen! But as censors, it is our duty, and we cannot shirk it!”
As he finished speaking, he held his head high and chest out, directly joining the crowd heading towards the Gate of Heavenly Acceptance.
His colleagues were either walking hurriedly or in small groups, talking in low voices, their topics nothing more than trivial matters or court gossip.
“Lord Zhao, good morning! I heard the price of rice in the west of the city has risen again yesterday?”
“Isn’t that so? Alas, these days are tough…”
“Censor Wang, have you submitted your memorial impeaching the Ministry of Works for corruption?”
“Shhh, keep it down, I’m still refining it.”
Zhang Biao listened to these ‘yesterday’s news,’ his heart unmoved, even feeling like laughing.
What you’re discussing are matters from my ‘previous life’!
This feeling of ‘everyone is drunk, but I am sober, and after waking up, I still have to go to my death’ is truly… too cool!
Perhaps because Zhu Biao had only been dead for a short time, Old Zhu was enveloped in a generally oppressive atmosphere.
Inside the majestic Hall of Supreme Harmony, the atmosphere was solemn and dignified. Zhu Yuanzhang sat high on the Dragon throne, wearing a bright yellow casual robe. His ‘shoe-sole’ face was tightly drawn, and his sharp eyes scanned the officials below.
【 Hmm, expression management on point, anger value accumulating, it’s the familiar recipe, the familiar taste. 】
Zhang Biao thought this to himself, even imagining an invisible progress bar above his head, waiting for him to ‘light the fuse.’
Although court sessions were held daily, the court deliberations proceeded in an orderly fashion.
“If you have matters to report, do so. If not, the court is adjourned!” a Director of Ceremonial called out perfunctorily.
“Reporting to Your Majesty!”
The Minister of Works stepped forward, his voice like a booming bell: “To display the majesty of the Heavenly Dynasty, I memorialize that the imperial road in front of the Hall of Supreme Harmony be rebuilt. It shall be constructed with Kunlun white jade, carved with dragons and phoenixes, and nine gilded dragon pillars shall be erected on each side. This is a glorious achievement for a thousand autumns, to be admired for ten thousand generations, Your Majesty!”
Zhang Biao’s eyes lit up.
Good, good, good! A major project!
Burdensome and wasteful! The perfect minefield to step on!!
The Minister of Works was still eloquently describing how the white jade imperial road would shine through the ages.
Zhu Yuanzhang listened, his fingers beginning to tap the armrest habitually, his brow furrowed.
“Your Majesty! This humble servant has a memorial to present!”
Zhang Biao seized the opportunity, stepped forward, his voice resounding.
Swish!
All eyes focused on him.
Zhu Yuanzhang’s sharp gaze swept over him, tinged with displeasure at being interrupted: “Speak!”
Upon hearing this, Zhang Biao took a deep breath, and then, under everyone’s gaze, performed an action that made everyone’s jaw drop—
He suddenly unbuckled his official robe’s belt!
“Hiss—!”
A collective gasp of cold air filled the hall. Several ritual officials were so angered they nearly fainted on the spot.
Zhu Yuanzhang’s finger tapping the armrest froze, his gaze shifting from sharp to pure, incredulous bewilderment.
Zhang Biao quickly unfastened his pale green official robe and then spread the removed robe on the ground.
Next, he started to take off his official boots?!
“Censor Zhang! You are insolent!”
The Minister of Rites’ beard trembled with anger: “To undress in front of the hall, what decorum is this?!”
Zhang Biao ignored him, efficiently placing his two official boots side-by-side next to his official robe.
At this moment, he stood barefoot, clad only in his undergarment and trousers, on the cold, smooth golden brick floor.
Then, under the gaze of everyone, including Zhu Yuanzhang’s look of someone witnessing a mental patient, Zhang Biao showed an extremely sunny and cheerful smile towards the Dragon throne.
“Your Majesty! The Minister of Works wishes to rebuild the imperial road with white jade. This proposal is excellent!”
“However, without proof, it is difficult to show its benefits. I, though untalented, am willing to be a brick myself and use my feet as a ruler to measure and demonstrate to Your Majesty and all my colleagues on the spot just how slippery! How expensive! And how impractical this white jade imperial road will be!”
Before his words even finished, Zhang Biao moved.
He didn’t walk; instead, he directly slid across the golden brick floor, which was as smooth as a mirror, with a “sliiiide.”
His movements were as fluid as if he were wearing ice skates.
“Ouch!”
He exclaimed dramatically, his body swaying left and right, his arms flailing wildly, as if he were about to fall at any moment, yet he miraculously maintained his balance.
He slid like this in the Hall of Supreme Harmony, in front of all the civil and military officials and the Emperor.
As he slid, he began to sing loudly in a highly rhythmic tone, improvising lyrics:
“The imperial road is slippery~ slippery~ slippery~”
“Silver is spent~ spent~ spent~”
“The common people suffer~ suffer~ suffer~”
“Your Majesty is foolish~ foolish~”
The entire Hall of Supreme Harmony was silent as a pin drop.
Everyone was petrified!
Their eyeballs seemed to have fallen out!
What… what kind of maneuver was this?!
He was actually dancing in front of the imperial hall?!
Zhu Yuanzhang’s face went from bewilderment to ashen, then to flushed red.
He looked at the censor in his undergarment, sliding haphazardly in the Hall of Supreme Harmony and singing insulting lyrics, feeling his sanity unraveling strand by strand.
The sound of him tapping the armrest became dense, like a drumbeat.
A towering rage was building, ready to erupt.
“Zhang! Biao—!!”
