Chapter 97: Performance Art Even More Abstract Than Zhang Biao’s! 【 Seeking Monthly Ticket 】
Under the setting sun.
Zhang Biao stood on the ‘Audit Chariot’, one hand propping up a tattered flag fluttering in the wind, bearing the words ‘Hongwu Audit’. He faced the Ministry of Works’ official building, laughing maniacally.
“Hahaha! You vermin inside! You are surrounded! Outside it’s all Zhang Biao—!”
“If you know what’s good for you, open the gate voluntarily, cooperate with the audit, confess and be pardoned, resist and be severely punished—!”
“We only seek wealth, not lives—!”
“Of course, if you insist on resisting, we wouldn’t mind conducting some friendly ‘physical asset inventories’—!”
Before his words had even fallen.
The members of the ‘Audit Troupe’ behind him began to move.
After all, having been tempered by the Ministry of Revenue, Ministry of War, Ministry of Personnel, Duke Cao’s Mansion, and Marquis of Wuding’s Mansion, each of them was not only high in morale but also much more skilled in their duties.
Shen Lang had already found a relatively clean stone step to sit on, his abacus clicking noisily, mumbling to himself, “Estimated corruption rate for the Ministry of Works’ river management funds, starting at thirty percent, with no upper limit.”
Sun Gui also raised the chamber pot lamp, symbolizing the ‘Light of Great Ming’, as high as he could, trying to provide more professional lighting for his Brother Biao, though the faint glow was insignificant in the setting sun.
Li Mo, from goodness knows where, had acquired half a charcoal pencil again and was bent over on the ground, diligently recording on a piece of rotten wood: “Vice Minister Zhao of the Ministry of Works is suspected of owning three separate residences south of the city, and his brother-in-law contracted the previous city wall repair project.”
Zhao Fengman and others were rubbing their hands together, their eyes gleaming as they stared at the Nanzhu wood doors of the Ministry of Works, which looked very valuable, as if calculating how much they could be sold for.
Meanwhile, inside the Ministry of Works’ official building, chaos had already erupted.
Zheng Ci, the Minister of Works, an official who normally appeared quite composed, was currently pacing back and forth in his office like an ant on a hot pan, cold sweat never ceasing on his forehead.
“What to do? What to do? What do you suggest we do?!”
His voice trembled as he roared at the group of pale-faced subordinates below him, “The account books! Have you hidden all the account books?!”
“Reporting to the Minister,”
A director stammered back, “They’re hidden, all stuffed into the secret compartment behind the stove.”
“The storeroom?”
Zheng Ci asked anxiously, “The newly arrived pine lumber, the bricks, and that batch of Taihu stones prepared for repairing the Imperial Palace’s pavilions, are they hidden?!”
“We’re moving them to the servant’s quarters in the back courtyard,”
Another director said with a mournful face, “It’s just… the Taihu stones are too big, we can’t move them all at once.”
“Waste! All of you are waste!”
Zheng Ci stomped his feet in anger, “If you can’t move them, cover them with straw mats, several layers! Then splash some ash on them, make them look abandoned!”
He deeply regretted it now, wishing he hadn’t gone to the palace gate with Zhan Hui earlier, it was such a waste of time!
He wondered how Zhan Hui was doing now? Had he seen the Emperor?!
And that memorial, what exactly was written in it?
Why hadn’t the Emperor acted yet?!
Was he really going to stand by and watch Zhang Biao wreak havoc on the world?!
Zheng Ci was both angry and vexed, and helpless.
Just then, a slightly bolder department director whispered, “Minister! Why don’t we follow Vice Minister Fu’s example and open the doors… to talk with Censor Zhang and the others?”
“Talk about what nonsense!”
Zheng Ci glared at him, his voice sharp as he shouted, “How do we talk? With what? Our Ministry of Works’ messy accounts are no less than the Ministry of Revenue’s!”
“Have you forgotten the river, city wall, and official building repair projects? Which one can withstand Accountant Shen’s abacus?! One word and it’ll all be exposed?!”
“Then… then what should we do?”
The department director shrunk his neck, “We can’t just let them tear down the main gate, can we?”
Hearing this, Zheng Ci’s eyes flickered, his thoughts racing.
Suddenly, a ruthless and desperate flash of inspiration crossed his mind.
“Got it!”
He slapped his thigh forcefully and lowered his voice to his confidant,
“Quick! Go get that batch of rotten wood and bricks, and those rusted iron nails that were deducted when we repaired the Xiao Mausoleum Guard barracks last year! Bring them to the front courtyard! Pile them up in conspicuous places!”
“Also, have everyone change their attire! If it can gain sympathy, even acting like beggars is fine! Hurry—!”
“Ah?” The confidant subordinate was instantly stunned, “Minister, you are…”
“We’re going to cry poverty! We’re going to cry poverty!”
Zheng Ci seemed to have grasped a lifeline, his eyes shining,
“We’re going to tell Zhang Biao! Our Ministry of Works is poorer than the Ministry of Revenue, the Ministry of War, and the Ministry of Personnel! We use scraps, wear patched clothes, and eat husks! We have no money! We are also victims!”
The assembled subordinates: “…”
Minister, how is your maneuver more abstract than Censor Zhang’s?
Isn’t this a case of protesting too much, revealing guilt?
Everyone knows that our Ministry of Works is a department with ample benefits.
If you go crying poverty, people will just laugh their heads off!
But for them, the Minister’s words were like an imperial decree, and it was worth a shot even if it seemed hopeless.
So, someone immediately went to make arrangements.
“Damn it! They refuse a toast only to be forced to drink a forfeit! Guards! Bring me a battering ram to assist with the audit!”
Zhang Biao, hoarse from shouting outside, finally lost his temper when the Ministry of Works still refused to surrender, preparing to use force.
However, at that very moment.
The heavy Nanzhu wood doors of the Ministry of Works creaked open, revealing a gap.
A clerk poked half his head out, a smile on his face more strained than crying, his voice trembling as he shouted:
“Censor Zhang! Wait! Wait before you act!”
“Our Ministry of Works… is truly so poor we can’t even afford to eat! Poorer than the Ministry of Revenue, Ministry of War, and Ministry of Personnel!”
As he spoke, the gate opened wider, revealing the scene in the front courtyard.
In the courtyard, piles of rotten wood, broken bricks, rusted iron nails, and obviously discarded, crooked window and door components were stacked like small mountains.
A clerk even pushed a wheelbarrow over at the opportune moment, accidentally tipping a load of debris at the doorway, raising a cloud of dust.
Then, to everyone’s stunned gaze.
Zheng Ci, the Minister of Works, this dignified Rank Two Official, actually…
Actually emerged, wearing an old official robe full of patches, washed to a faded state, and even smeared with mud at the cuffs, trembling!
He had streaks of soot smeared on his face, his hair was deliberately made messy, and he held a cracked, broken ceramic bowl in his hands!
In the bowl was half of a dark, hard object that appeared to be leftover steamed corn buns from the previous night!
Minister Zheng walked to the doorway, not looking at Zhang Biao, but with a ‘plop’ knelt down in the direction of the Imperial Palace. He raised the broken bowl, and with all his might, his voice filled with sobs, so piercingly sorrowful that it could travel three streets:
“Your Majesty—! This subject is guilty—! This subject is incompetent—!”
This single cry directly stunned Zhang Biao and the Salary Demand Troupe.
What kind of side-quest instance was this?
Zheng Ci continued his performance, beating his chest and stamping his feet, tears streaming down his face, “This subject, in charge of the Ministry of Works, has made the Ministry of Works practically penniless! This subject is ashamed of Your Majesty’s grace! Ashamed of the court!”
“Look! This is all this subject can eat every day!”
He held up the hard half of the steamed corn bun, his hand shaking violently, “This subject’s salary has all gone to subsidize the Ministry of Works’ deficit! But it’s still not enough!”
“My colleagues at the Ministry of Works are even more miserable!”
“Director Wang’s child doesn’t have cotton-padded clothes in winter!”
“Director Li’s elderly mother is sick and has no money for medicine!”
“We… we are suffering—!”
As he spoke, he suddenly turned around and shouted towards the inside of the gate:
“Everyone come out! Let Censor Zhang see! What kind of life we live at the Ministry of Works!”
As his voice fell, the Ministry of Works’ main gate opened wider.
From inside, twenty to thirty officials and clerks of the Ministry of Works poured out in a rush.
Each of them was also in ragged clothes, with gaunt faces.
Some held chipped tea cups.
Some held empty rice jars.
Some even carried their official boots with missing soles.
They all knelt in a line behind Zheng Ci, not saying a word, but looking at Zhang Biao and his group with pitiful, desperate, and helpless eyes, silently conveying ‘We are very poor, we are extremely poor’.
The most astonishing part was that the last two junior clerks painstakingly carried out a plaque.
Originally, it read ‘Diligent Governance Hall’, but now the character ‘Governance’ had fallen off, leaving only ‘Diligent Hall’, and it had several worm-eaten holes.
Zheng Ci pointed at the broken plaque and cried even more sadly, “Censor Zhang, look! Even the plaque of our Ministry of Works’ office is broken and we don’t have money to fix it! We can only make do with this salvaged broken plaque! Woo woo woo”
“?????!”
The entire ‘Audit Troupe’, including Zhang Biao, had their jaws drop.
They looked at this epic, abstract tragic play, personally directed and performed by the Minister of Works.
Shen Lang forgot to use his abacus.
Sun Gui almost dropped his chamber pot lamp.
Li Mo’s charcoal pencil fell to the ground again.
Zhao Fengman and the others almost dropped the ‘weapons’ in their hands.
This… this was too desperate?!
To avoid being audited, they had no shame left?!
The air froze for a full ten breaths.
Then—
“Hahaha! Hahaha!”
Zhang Biao was the first to lose control, bursting into earth-shattering laughter.
He laughed so hard he bent over, tears streaming from his eyes, almost falling off the rosewood small table.
“Old Zheng, oh Old Zheng! Minister Zheng!”
“Amazing! You are truly amazing!”
“This acting! These props! These supporting actors! It’s superb!”
“Hahaha! It’s the biggest loss for the Yingtian Prefecture opera troupe that they didn’t hire you as their lead actor!”
He slapped his thigh as he laughed, “The best male lead for this year’s tragic drama can only be you! This broken bowl! This steamed corn bun! This broken plaque! Every detail is perfect! Immersive experience! Hahaha!”
Zheng Ci’s face turned green and then white from Zhang Biao’s laughter.
However, the play had reached this point, so he had no choice but to continue with forced bravado.
He tried to maintain a mournful expression, “Censor Zhang! What Zheng Ci has said is all true! The Ministry of Works is truly too poor…”
“True! It’s too damn true!”
Zhang Biao finally managed to stop laughing, wiping the tears from his eyes. He walked forward, picked up the hard half of the steamed corn bun from Zheng Ci’s broken bowl with great interest, weighed it, and then—
Then he suddenly thrust the hard half of the steamed corn bun to Zheng Ci’s mouth, his smile exceptionally bright, and said, “Come, Minister Zheng, show us a talent and eat it!”
“If you can eat this steamed corn bun in front of everyone, I, Zhang Biao, will immediately take my men and leave!”
“Furthermore, I promise you that I will never trouble the Ministry of Works again! And I’ll even give you ten taels of silver to see a doctor!”
“!!!”
A row of black exclamation marks instantly popped up on Zheng Ci’s forehead.
He looked at the steamed corn bun that was harder than his shoe sole, smelled its suspicious odor, and his stomach churned, his face instantly turning as pale as paper.
Eat? Eat this thing?
Was this even edible for humans? Eating it would be life-threatening?!
