Chapter 168: “xiuyuan, How About I Give Myself To You?”
Returning to the apartment in 2013, Lin Xiuyuan, who came out after taking a shower first, simply put on a set of pajamas and sat down next to Sulli on the sofa.
Sulli, seeing him come out, leaned over, “Oppa, are you really going to take Taeyeon unnie to see… her father?”
“What else? When I went to her place today, I saw the photo of her and her dad on the photo frame, wiped shiny clean. Sigh, since we’re already here, might as well go see him, save her from worrying every day. Thinking about him day and night, just like Krystal back then.”
At this point, Lin Xiuyuan looked at Sulli with a smile, “Actually, the first night back here, I asked Krystal if she wanted to see you. She was nervous and panicked, and avoided it for half a month afterward.”
Listening to these past events she knew nothing about, Sulli couldn’t help but lower her head and sigh.
Then thinking of the first time she met Krystal at the funeral, she said slowly, “Yeah, the first time I went to meet Soo Jung, I could feel her guilt. It took many conversations afterward for her to slowly let it go.”
“That one inside is the same,” Lin Xiuyuan said softly, “After all, death is never a small matter.”
Sulli pursed her lips, not knowing how to respond. She actually didn’t know what her future self was thinking, and had no one to ask.
After all, the people in 2025 who knew her answer were all gone.
After a brief silence, Lin Xiuyuan looked at her again, “Will you be okay sleeping alone in a bit?”
“Oppa~ I’m not a kid anymore, don’t worry.”
Sulli smiled and replied, though her tone hid worry, “Be careful driving all night. You didn’t drink, but don’t drive fatigued. Everyone’s waiting for you.”
She paused, then added, “If it’s really too much, rest more times. Anyway, you won’t see him in the evening, and you’ll have to wait for the glasses shop to open during the day.”
“Yeah, I know.” Lin Xiuyuan nodded lightly.
While the two were chatting, Kim Tae Yeon, who had hurriedly finished showering, came out of the room, wearing Sulli’s clothes.
It was a light gray hoodie. The originally loose cut fit perfectly on Sulli’s 170 cm height, but on 158 cm Kim Tae Yeon, it became completely “oversize.”
The cuffs covered her palms, the hem hung loosely to her thigh, and with slight movements, it created a visual effect of “lower body missing.”
The dark shorts hidden under the hem were faintly visible, paired with her naturally draped slightly curly hair strands after the shower, making her look both lazy and unexpectedly a bit sexy.
But at this moment, Kim Tae Yeon clearly had no time to care about that. Her gaze went straight to Lin Xiuyuan, her eyes hiding undisguisable excitement and anxiety.
Seeing this, Lin Xiuyuan stopped talking and stood up, “Let’s go.”
Then he turned to Sulli, “Sulli, you rest early too. Remember to lock the doors and windows.”
“Huh? Oppa, aren’t you changing clothes?” Sulli asked in surprise.
Kim Tae Yeon quickly said, “I’m not in a hurry, Xiuyuan, you change first.”
“Nothing worth changing into. Pajamas are more comfortable for driving.”
Lin Xiuyuan, who had walked over to pick up the car keys, beckoned to Kim Tae Yeon, and she instinctively stepped forward.
With Lin Xiuyuan’s help, she put on a mask and baseball cap, then pushed up wide-rimmed glasses to cover her face, fully prepared for low-key disguise.
After all preparations, Lin Xiuyuan emphasized again, “I’m warning you in advance, no getting out of the car.”
“Okay.” Kim Tae Yeon nodded firmly, her gaze determined.
With that, the two said goodbye to Sulli, walked side by side into the elevator, and went downstairs.
Downstairs at the apartment building, the late-night wind was cool but not cold. Streetlights cast soft halos, reflecting the silhouettes of the two walking side by side.
Lin Xiuyuan brought Kim Tae Yeon to the Land Rover, opened the front passenger seat car door, gestured for her to get in first, then went around to the driver’s seat.
“This car is new.”
Kim Tae Yeon, after getting in and fastening her seatbelt, said while her fingers gently rubbed the seat leather.
“Yeah.” Lin Xiuyuan said softly while starting the vehicle, “Krystal had Jung Soo Yeon grab her childhood red envelope money to give to me.”
This made Kim Tae Yeon pause, then chuckle lightly, “What? I remember that. Soo Jung even came to our practice room to complain back then.”
“Can only say, she had been thinking about it for a long time.”
While saying this, Lin Xiuyuan drove the car out of the yard, slowly onto the familiar street, heading south.
The city’s lights gradually faded in the rearview mirror, surroundings falling into silence.
Kim Tae Yeon sat in the front passenger seat, hands tucked into the hoodie sleeves, gazing at the rushing lights outside the car window, her emotions fluctuating.
She didn’t speak, nor did the driving Lin Xiuyuan. Inside the car, only the low-singing English song from the player and the engine’s steady hum remained.
Until nearly out of the city area, Kim Tae Yeon softly said, “Xiuyuan, I’m a bit scared.”
Lin Xiuyuan gripped the steering wheel, glanced at her sideways, “This isn’t fear, it’s caring.”
Kim Tae Yeon didn’t respond, just gently leaned back in the seat, burying her face in the wide collar, as if hiding herself in someone else’s clothes.
She suddenly realized.
Those unforgettable, unspeakable, tightly entangled memories were probably just like this night road ahead.
No one knows if the endpoint will hurt, but you have to bravely go through it.
And at this moment, she was sitting in such a car, driven by a boy whose magic she couldn’t quite pinpoint, heading to that place she never dared face.
Heading to the gentlest, yet heaviest part of her life.
After some unknown time, a voice broke through, interrupting Kim Tae Yeon’s thoughts, “How about reclining the seat for a nap? I’ll call you when we get there.”
“No need, just three hours, I can stay awake.”
The distance from Seoul to Jeonju city center is about 232 kilometers, normally taking around 3 hours, a standard time Kim Tae Yeon knew well from years of self-driving experience.
What’s more, the endpoint of this trip was the man who once gave her life depth and meaning.
How could she possibly sleep?
But with one sentence from Lin Xiuyuan, she obediently closed her eyes.
“Are you planning to rest up to take a good look at him? Or endure your teary eyes, hastily glance under other factors’ influence.”
Lin Xiuyuan’s soft response had no extra tone, yet it seemed to peer into Kim Tae Yeon’s inner struggle.
The topic stopped there, followed by another quiet stretch of journey.
The night outside the car window remained thick, the whole city sunk into a serene dream.
The car steadily drove on the highway, passing streetlights, the lights like reverse-flowing time, receding one by one.
But after Kim Tae Yeon closed her eyes, what came wasn’t calm, but more scenes surging from her mind like tides.
It was her sitting on her father’s single-person sofa.
It was her father holding the kimchi pot, reproaching her, “No matter how busy work is, you can’t skip meals.”
It was that morning, her father twisting a towel to dry her hair, softly sighing “grown up”…
Her eye corners still burned.
But Kim Tae Yeon didn’t cry, just silently adjusted her breathing, as if forcing the memories back from the tears’ outlet into her heart.
After a silence, Kim Tae Yeon opened her eyes.
Moonlight through the front passenger window fell on her eyelashes, like undried rain.
“Xiuyuan.” Suddenly, Kim Tae Yeon spoke softly.
“Hm?”
“How should I thank you?”
Lin Xiuyuan’s hand on the steering wheel paused slightly, but his tone remained calm, “Thank me for what? No need.”
“No, I’m serious.”
Kim Tae Yeon turned her head to gaze at him, eyes without joking or painful meaning, just unusually quiet, “You really didn’t have to bring me here. You could have kept pretending to know nothing, and then…”
Facing this response, Lin Xiuyuan was silent for a few seconds before slowly speaking.
“When I went to your apartment this afternoon, I saw that photo frame on your counter.”
Kim Tae Yeon was stunned, then lowered her head, “Got it, that photo frame made you pity me?”
“If you put it that way, not wrong.” Lin Xiuyuan softly “mm”-ed, “Because it was the same with Sulli and Krystal.”
At this, he suddenly remembered something, smiled lightly, “And do you remember my small tavern member’s criteria?”
“Roughly.”
Kim Tae Yeon also curved her lips, “Something about rich, pretty, and that type of little rich lady who wants to keep messing with life. You said it so mysteriously back then, I was quite curious what kind of person, now looking back, you were deceiving us, right?”
But just as Kim Tae Yeon finished, Lin Xiuyuan explained.
“Actually not really deceiving. The full version of that criteria should be—’Down-and-out but rich, beautiful and sexy, and that type with regrets in heart yet unchanged at core, willing to keep messing with life little rich lady.'”
After saying this, he chuckled lightly, “Of course, bluntly, the premise is still me being willing.”
Kim Tae Yeon fell silent after hearing this.
Moments later, she softly repeated, “Regrets yet unchanged at core, huh. That’s hard. Many people just give up on themselves. Compared to that, maybe just making you willing is simpler.”
“Maybe.”
The car fell quiet again, only the faint sound of tires over the road, like whispers or heartbeats.
Kim Tae Yeon leaned in the front passenger seat, suddenly chuckled softly.
Then slowly closed her eyes, murmuring softly, “Sounds really idealistic, Xiuyuan.”
This time, she truly closed her eyes peacefully.
No flashbacks, no tears.
Just a gradually loosening knot.
She let herself relax against the seatback, as if outside of time, finally having a chance to forgive herself.
As the late night passed into early morning.
Soon the car exited the highway, driving slowly through streets familiar to Kim Tae Yeon but unfamiliar to Lin Xiuyuan into Jeonju Old Town.
This area had no Seoul-like noisy neon, no all-night nightlife, just lonely streetlights stretching shadows obliquely on the ground.
Leaves swayed gently in the breeze, street surfaces dotted with light spots, like fragments of memory, silently falling into people’s hearts.
The car soon turned into an alley, stopping at a neither near nor far position.
Lin Xiuyuan turned off the headlights, looked sideways at Kim Tae Yeon in the front passenger seat, “We’re here.”
Kim Tae Yeon, already awake, didn’t move for a long time.
She sat there, expression complex, gazing at the familiar old place ahead, as if seeing through the years she never dared approach.
Even though in 2025’s world, she had just returned to Seoul from Jeonju not long ago.
But Jeonju here now… her father was still there.
Next second, fingertips gripped the cuff tightly, holding back the sourness surging in her eyes.
“It’s 4:30 a.m. now. Do you remember what time your dad gets up to go out and open the shop?” Lin Xiuyuan asked.
Kim Tae Yeon nodded, eyes already slightly red, “I remember. He always heads out at 7 to buy vegetables, chats idly with neighbors, then takes them home, before going to open the glasses shop.”
Lin Xiuyuan nodded, stretched lazily, “Then we’ll wait here for him. Want to nap more? Still over 2 hours.”
“Can’t sleep.”
Kim Tae Yeon bit her lower lip hard, desperately forcing herself to calm down.
“If back then… I had come back earlier.”
Her voice was very soft, almost inaudible, but Lin Xiuyuan heard it.
But he didn’t respond, just slowly lowered the car window a bit, letting in night wind carrying scents of mud walls and green grass, also bringing that summer afternoon from deep in Kim Tae Yeon’s memories, that world she could never return to.
At this moment, Kim Tae Yeon’s emotions reached the critical point.
So she suddenly turned her head, gaze breaking free from long contemplation and suppression, fixedly staring at Lin Xiuyuan.
Next second, she lifted her chin, exposing that slender neck, with stubbornness and a hint of near-self-mocking resolve, “Xiuyuan, how about… I repay you with my body?”
Kim Tae Yeon’s voice wasn’t loud, tone even a bit flippant and joking, but her reddened eyes betrayed her.
“You brought me here, but I can’t do anything… just take it as a reward.”
She continued, lips curving with faint expectation and longing, “Then let me go in, even just one glance, as long as I can hug… my dad, I’ll…”
Before she finished, Lin Xiuyuan reached out, gently pushing her head back, pressing her back into the front passenger seat like coaxing a fussy child.
“Don’t talk nonsense.”
Lin Xiuyuan’s voice held no reproach, but a resolute firmness.
“Here, there’s still a 2013 Kim Tae Yeon. Her life, her father, are still going on. Your momentary impulse might be a disaster for others.”
Finally, looking at Kim Tae Yeon’s fragile yet feigned-tough face, he softly added, “What you want, wait for later… if there’s really a way, I’ll help you. But now, really can’t.”
This “really can’t” was like the final string, completely breaking the dam Kim Tae Yeon had bitterly held in her heart.
She lowered her head, hair falling over her cheeks, covering the tears about to fall.
Immediately after, the emotions suppressed all evening finally erupted.
“Woo… mmm wuwu…”
Kim Tae Yeon’s shoulders began to tremble lightly, like a leaf in the wind, growing more intense, until she threw herself into Lin Xiuyuan’s arms, clutching his collar, crying out loud.
It wasn’t quiet sobbing, but hysterical as if losing the whole world.
Like a soul trapped too long between dream and reality, finally finding an outlet in this person before her, pouring out all regret, self-blame, heartbreak, longing without reserve.
“I really miss him so much… really miss him…”
“I didn’t even get to say one sentence… that day was too busy, didn’t even make a phone call…”
Kim Tae Yeon, trembling all over from crying, clutched Lin Xiuyuan’s clothes tightly, as if afraid he’d suddenly leave too, or grasping the last straw.
Lin Xiuyuan said nothing, just held her, letting her tears soak his chest, letting her cry out this heavy emotion bit by bit.
He knew she needed this unrestrained release.
Wind still blew outside the window, the sky quietly turning fish-belly white.
This night was ending, but Kim Tae Yeon’s tears seemed just beginning.
She who had endured all night finally cried.
Finally dared to cry thoroughly, recklessly, defenselessly in front of Lin Xiuyuan.
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