Chapter 168: This Damned Mouth
Fourth Mistress Wei’s chosen spot was not far from where Li Xiaonan was reading, a half-open pavilion by the rockery, facing a winding bridge connecting to a terrace, making them completely visible to each other.
Wan Jing stood with her hands clasped outside the small pavilion, while Yu Lan stood opposite Wan Jing. Both were on edge, their eyes darting nervously towards their respective charges, neither paying any attention to the other.
On the waterside terrace opposite, Fourth Mistress Wei and Ninth Lady Pan were fishing.
Li Xiaonan arrived a moment later. Eldest Madam Shi was seated on a brocade couch by the rockery, inclining her body slightly.
Li Xiaonan sat on a gooseneck chair on one side of the pavilion, twisted around to survey the area, then turned back to look at Eldest Madam Shi.
“I’ve troubled you,” Eldest Madam Shi said after a moment of silence, lowering her eyes.
“You haven’t troubled me; I’m not busy,” Li Xiaonan said, feeling a pang of sympathy as she looked at the gaunt and dispirited Eldest Madam Shi.
In this era, women had very few options, especially noble ladies like them.
“Our family has been in constant interaction and intermarriage with families like Prince Rui’s Mansion, the Pan family, the Wei family, the Wen family, and the Fu family since the founding of the dynasty. We are particularly close with Prince Rui’s Mansion, the Pan family, and the Wei family.”
Eldest Madam Shi lowered her eyelids, her voice soft.
“From the time I can remember, I spent as much time at Prince Rui’s Mansion as I did at home. Later, when I grew a bit older, I often heard Second Aunt and the Princess Consort jokingly say they would make me the Young Lord’s wife.
“Then, when he and I were a bit older and still naive, on one occasion, the Young Lord went on a tour of Jiangnan. When he returned to the Capital City, he gave me a stack of handkerchiefs. I asked why he was giving me these when I didn’t use handkerchiefs from outside.”
Eldest Madam Shi’s throat tightened. She looked at the handkerchiefs in her hand, then after a long while, gently lifted them and said to Li Xiaonan, “Do you know what these handkerchiefs signify?”
“Silk woven horizontally, silk woven vertically,” Li Xiaonan said with a dry laugh. “The weaving workshop workers sing this the most, about threads of various patterns, endless threads, connected without end.”
“Yes, after the Young Lord’s coming-of-age ceremony at twelve, we were betrothed. From the time I was sensible, I knew I would marry him. For so many years, my eyes have only been on him, my heart only for him, and all my thoughts were focused on how to support him, how to manage Prince Rui’s Mansion, and even!”
Eldest Madam Shi’s words stopped abruptly. After a moment, she said softly, “What if I can’t bear a son, how to raise children, and if I have two or three sons, how to arrange their futures.”
“Originally, the Imperial Observatory had already set the wedding date. Last spring, I was supposed to marry into Prince Rui’s Mansion, but he broke off the engagement. For no reason.”
Li Xiaonan sighed.
All things in the world arise and cease due to causes and conditions; nothing happens without a reason, it’s just that she didn’t know the cause and condition.
“Mother advised me, Father advised me, Second Aunt advised me, everyone advised me. But I once held jade, and now I’m being asked to grasp a pebble, or not even a decent pebble.”
Eldest Madam Shi choked up again. After a while, she looked at Li Xiaonan, her face full of bitterness, “If you were me, would you not compromise either? How could you not compromise?”
“Alas, people are different. If it were me, I wouldn’t be suited for such a large and powerful Prince’s Estate. The Princess Consort and the like would definitely not think highly of me, and I…”
Li Xiaonan paused, swallowing the words “think highly of,” and changed her tune, “don’t like marrying someone like the Young Lord. In my eyes, the Young Lord’s only merit is that he’s quite good-looking. If I were you…”
Li Xiaonan spread her hands, a dry laugh on her face.
If it were her, she would have smashed the golden lock and returned to the sea, laughing herself to death several times over.
Eldest Madam Shi glared at Li Xiaonan.
Li Xiaonan remembered Gu Yan’s instructions and quickly turned back.
“People are different. I think you need to first think carefully. Do you want to marry the Young Lord because everyone thinks so, because everyone has said so since childhood, and you’ve been told over and over again, or is this desire to marry truly from your heart?”
“If it’s from your heart, then think again. See if you can find reasons, rank these reasons. The first reason you want to marry him is because he treats you well? Giving you handkerchiefs and such, or because he’s good-looking? Because his family is rich? Because he’s generous? Because he’s Prince Rui’s Heir, with status and power, or something else?”
“Feelings, yours, this is a matter of feelings, but it’s still a matter. No matter what matter you’re dealing with, you first need to clarify the cause, the current situation, find the key point, and then grasp the essentials. You’re definitely much better than me at handling things.”
Li Xiaonan tried her best to speak nonsense, making the nonsense sound as if it made sense.
She had always felt that feelings were like stunning scenery encountered during travel. You never knew where you would find them. Perhaps a glance through the car window, perhaps a turn, and you find yourself standing in a fantastical landscape. But in an instant, light and shadow shift, and the wondrous scene disappears.
When you see it and encounter it, feel it with all your heart. When the scenery fades, calmly move forward. There’s no need for sadness or regret. Beautiful scenery, like delicacies, once seen or tasted, becomes a part of you, making you more beautiful.
Feelings are the same.
Eldest Madam Shi’s brows gradually furrowed. She stared blankly for a while, then murmured, “I’ve never thought about these things. Do these things need thinking about?”
“Then don’t you think about anything usually?” Li Xiaonan scratched her head a little.
She was good at advising heartbroken girlfriends, like “out with the old, in with the new”; or “breakups are great for wealth, focus on work and make money quickly”; or “every man who leaves you is because he doesn’t deserve your future”…
But at this moment, the times were different. The only career for these noble ladies was to support their husbands and raise their children.
“The Young Lord has a quick temper. Since childhood, the Princess Consort told me: ‘Keep an eye on him. If the Young Lord gets impatient, you should advise him.’ Later, for anything, they would ask me to advise the Young Lord. Mother said, ‘You need to be mindful, don’t always wait for the Princess Consort’s guidance.’ I usually thought about him.”
Eldest Madam Shi’s voice was extremely low, and Li Xiaonan had to lean forward, straining her ears to hear clearly.
“He went to the Hanlin Academy to listen to lectures, but after half an hour, he said it was pedantic. I need to find an opportunity to advise him. He has a quick temper and loves to ride his horse through the streets. He always talks about raising an army… I thought about him, worried about his character, worried if I could advise him.”
Li Xiaonan’s eyebrows rose as she listened, “Then do you often advise him?”
“This is what a wife should do.” After a pause, Eldest Madam Shi’s expression turned bleak.
What is destined is destined. She was always his betrothed wife, but he broke off the engagement.
“I think this is what a mother should do, and it’s for when the child is young, before they are five or six, seven or eight years old,” Li Xiaonan said without hesitation after a brief pause.
Eldest Madam Shi was stunned.
“This is no different from you sewing up your brother’s clothes and forcing him to sleep with socks on.
“What’s wrong if he doesn’t listen to the Hanlin scholars’ lectures? Couldn’t it be that the Hanlin scholars are boring? If it’s truly pedantic, isn’t listening to them talk nonsense a waste of life?
“He rides his horse through the streets, did he kill someone? Did he smash up a street? If nothing happened, and he has the ability, why can’t he ride his horse through the streets?
“And raising an army, that’s even harder to say, why would you advise him?”
“As Prince Rui’s Heir and the Crown Prince’s companion, how can he not respect the Hanlin scholars? He didn’t run anyone over when riding his horse, but how can a dignified Prince Rui’s Heir be so imprudent? This affects his reputation! Warfare is a grave matter, how can he talk about raising an army at the drop of a hat?” Eldest Madam Shi leaned forward, speaking extremely quickly.
“You person!” Li Xiaonan sighed, “Last time Fourth Mistress mentioned how you dealt with your brother, I should have known.
“The virtuous wife you want to be is one who forces her husband into your mold. If you believe a standard man should be steady and serious, and your husband loves to laugh, you must find ways to force him to be serious and not allowed to laugh. Whatever you think a good man is, you must try every means to transform your husband into the good man you imagine.
“Perhaps the Young Lord saw this, and that’s why he broke off the engagement.”
After saying her last sentence, Li Xiaonan raised her hand and slapped her mouth.
Her cursed mouth!
Eldest Madam Shi pursed her lips tightly and stared directly at Li Xiaonan. After a long while, she said word by word, “The Young Lord is a high official of the court; he is not an ordinary man.”
“Mm, as a husband, is there a difference between a high official of the court and an ordinary man? In any case, he’s being forced into your mold. Oh!” Li Xiaonan exclaimed “Oh,” then chuckled, “If he’s a high official of the court, then you want to realize your political ambitions through the Young Lord?
“You are such an exceptionally intelligent person, you likely have grand ideals. I think if you have any ambitions, you can pursue them yourself. There’s no need to manipulate men; it’s too troublesome, too inefficient. It’s much better to act directly.”
Eldest Madam Shi was both angry and anxious, pointing her finger at Li Xiaonan, trembling and unable to speak.
“I don’t mean it that way. I truly think if you want to do something, just do it yourself. Women are no different from men; everyone is human. Everyone has ambitions, to ‘lie drunk in a handsome man’s embrace and wake up to wield power over the world,’ and so on.”
“No, no, that is, I mean, I don’t have that ability. I just want to be the richest person.”
“Your complexion isn’t very good; it must be the wind. I’ll leave now. Don’t take it to heart. I just talk nonsense; consider it as me farting.”
Li Xiaonan said as she backed away, retreating to the entrance of the pavilion, then turned and ran.
She felt she needed to find a place to lie low for a while.
