Chapter 37: The Past Cannot Be Recalled
I have loved painting since childhood.
In my memory, under the large elm tree in the Zhu Residence, Mother held my hand and taught me to paint, little by little.
I learned what vermilion was, what ochre was, what sandalwood color was, what “color does not obscure ink, ink does not obscure color” meant, and what was meant by void and solid, light and shade, and the clarity of permeation.
I once thought of achieving something in painting, but after Mother passed away, this wish was shelved, and I only painted a few strokes for my own amusement.
Hearing Cheng Huaishi’s words today, I was somewhat surprised and also somewhat worried.
“Painting in the Imperial Palace is naturally different from in the common world. I imagine there are many intricacies, and I have never been to the palace. I wonder… is it possible?”
Cheng Huaishi smiled and said, “Madam worries too much. Since Minister Zhang recommended you, no one will look down on you. Have you not heard of Madam Zhao of the King of Wu in the Three Kingdoms period, who not only could depict the vastness of mountains and rivers across the land but also embroider the topography of the five mountains and the various states? Tang Dynasty’s Xue Yuan was recorded in literature for her skill in portraiture; Lady Li of Shu in the Later Tang Dynasty was the originator of the ink bamboo painting style. Madam is intelligent and will surely not be inferior to these women. I believe Madam, coming from a family of painters, must also have aspirations in this regard. I have always believed that domestic matters should not confine a woman’s actions.”
His encouragement made me happy.
He possessed the clarity and breadth of a scholar.
I nodded and said, “Then, I can try.”
He took my arm and said, “Good. The day after tomorrow is a rest day, so Madam can go into the palace to take a look. It is said that there will be a test set by the Twelve Bureaus. I believe Madam will shine brightly on this occasion.”
I couldn’t help but smile and say, “Thank you for your good wishes, Second Master.”
The horse carriage was filled with harmony and peace.
I gently rested my head on his shoulder, looking up at the stubble on his chin, his Adam’s apple, his white robe. I smelled the strong scent of tea and ink on him. This was the man with whom I had bowed to heaven and earth before his spirit tablet. My husband.
I lifted the carriage curtain and looked at the lights of the eight streets and nine alleys of the Capital City.
I secretly made a wish: May my husband and I love each other and live a long and happy life.
The horse carriage arrived outside the Cheng Residence gate, and he helped me alight.
We returned to the East Courtyard together.
He stood under the eaves, thought for a moment, and instructed He Ming, “The weather is gradually getting hotter, and many flowers and plants in the courtyard attract mosquitoes and insects, making it difficult for Madam to sleep soundly at night. Move these Qionghua flowers away.”
He Ming was momentarily confused and asked, “Second Master, where should I move them?”
Xiao Yin, with a pleased expression, quickly tugged him and whispered, “Where do you think they should be moved! You blind servant boy! These unsightly weeds and miscellaneous flowers can be thrown anywhere!”
She rolled up her sleeves and, along with a few servant boys, moved the Qionghua flowers away in no time.
The space under the eaves became empty.
The evening breeze swirled through the corridors, feeling refreshing and pleasant.
Sounds of footsteps and shouting came from outside the courtyard.
The Eldest Young Mistress’s voice was heard before she appeared: “This room should be thoroughly cleansed of evil. I have already informed the Old Madam, so everyone can proceed with peace of mind. Use whatever you have, be it talisman water, beans, peach wood swords, or any other tools!”
Cheng Huaishi and I stood at the doorway and saw her enter with several Taoist priests.
Cheng Huaishi frowned, “Eldest Sister-in-law, what are you doing?”
The Eldest Young Mistress said, “Oh, Second Brother, you’re here too. It’s like this, in the evening, some True Persons came to solicit alms. You know, our Old Madam is very devout in Buddhism and Taoism, so she spoke with the True Persons for a while. I then mentioned that the Second Brother’s wife has been married for so long but still has no news of a pregnancy. The True Persons explained that it is due to evil spirits in the room. The Old Madam and I were enlightened. You two, being young and with no physical ailments, why haven’t you conceived? It turns out there are evil spirits! So, I’ve brought the True Persons to drive them away…”
Before she could finish speaking, Cheng Huaishi’s face turned ashen, and he said awkwardly, “No need, please have them leave immediately!”
The Taoist priests looked at each other.
The smell of talisman water was pungent and unpleasant.
Cheng Huaishi pulled me inside and slammed the door shut.
The Eldest Young Mistress said with feigned sorrow from outside the door, “Second Brother, why are you so ungrateful? Your Eldest Sister-in-law is only trying to help, thinking of the continuation of our Cheng Family’s lineage.”
Cheng Huaishi replied, “Madam will be pregnant soon. Eldest Sister-in-law need not worry.”
The Eldest Young Mistress muttered something outside the door.
After a while, the noise outside gradually subsided.
Cheng Huaishi looked at me, his eyes filled with deep pity and self-reproach. “I imagine Madam must have endured much unwarranted criticism in the manor because of this. It was my oversight; I’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t paid attention. I have failed Madam. I have made things difficult for Madam.”
He leaned down, “Madam, please forgive me.”
I quickly pulled him up, embarrassed, “Second Master, what are you saying? I… I… I wouldn’t… wouldn’t…”
He picked me up and walked towards the bed.
The sound of the wind was like Zhang Sheng in the Romance of the West Chamber on stage, singing: If I were to share a bridal chamber with a passionate young lady, how could I bear to make you make your own bed?
The next day, I opened my eyes and saw that the sky was already bright.
He was still lying beside me. He looked at me, his eyes filled with a fervor I had never seen before.
“What time is it? Shouldn’t Second Master be going to the Yamen?”
He leaned over, kissed my forehead, draped his undergarment over me, and said, “I should have left long ago. I was afraid you would wake up and not see me, and panic.”
“You should go quickly. Don’t be late.”
He whispered in my ear, “I’ll be back early tonight.”
Then he left reluctantly.
As he walked to the door, he accidentally bumped into the doorframe.
I lowered my head and laughed, “If you bump into something and get hurt, what will you say when your colleagues ask?”
He looked back at me, a hint of a smile appearing on his resolute and elegant face.
The morning light gilded his face.
The past cannot be recaptured, but the future can still be shaped.
I seemed to see a beautiful future ahead.
