Chapter 185: My Hopeless Origin
Liang Chaosu was half-conscious, and Liancheng appeared in a haze before his eyes.
Her cheeks were flushed with color, her hair tied up, revealing her fair ears. She stood at the foot of the bed, vigilant and indifferent like in Iceland, far from him, unwilling to approach him.
If possible, she herself would not come to his dreams.
But dreams are not controlled by the person, neither she nor he could control them.
So he dreamed of her too many times, totaling a lifetime.
It was a pity that his brain was hot; in his dreams, she was as indistinct as mist, vaguely impatient, only looking at him under duress.
Liang Chaosu strained his mind, recalling recent events, trying to guess her possible intentions.
Did she want to return to the Liang family? No, Liang Zhengping was home from his business trip.
Did she want to stay at school? No, she couldn’t leave.
Did she want to go to summer camp with classmates? There were no projects requiring business trips recently, and she didn’t want to bring him along.
Besides, as he had just mentioned, he was watching her too closely, making her feel suffocated.
Liang Chaosu thought about the good sponsorship of Qingxi Valley research last month. The ancient architecture was rustic, and she happily caught shrimp in the creek, getting her hands muddy. He kept a photo of her, her smiling face was especially—
“Liang Chaosu, if you keep pretending, I’m leaving.”
Her voice, like ice shards, pierced through the haze. Liang Chaosu’s heart spasmed and constricted, and his vision suddenly cleared. She stood in a blinding, bright light, looking down at him.
So… in the hospital room.
After Iceland.
He fell back to reality, feeling an unbearable, difficult pain like a tidal wave engulfing him. He let out a laugh in his suffocation, low and weak, vaguely joyful.
“You came to see me.”
Liancheng was shrouded in frost. “You investigated my background privately. You crossed the line.”
Liang Chaosu fell again. The newly sutured incision on his chest was throbbing, like a gale rushing through, exposing his true situation: desolate and barren.
“Who told you?”
Liancheng stared at him. His voice grew weaker. The oxygen mask was askew, and white mist gradually appeared. His breathing was trapped inside, heavy, short, and hysterical.
Xiao Da said he forcefully returned to the country, causing his wound to burst open and become inflamed. He had to undergo another surgery. After the surgery, he had a persistent high fever, relying entirely on his previously strong physique.
Liancheng saw it with her own eyes and had to believe it.
“You made me undergo this surgery, weren’t you fully prepared?”
Liang Chaosu’s chest vibrated. He laughed hoarsely, weakly, “Seeing a doctor isn’t praying to a deity; it’s just doing what one can.”
Liancheng gritted her teeth, her jawline bulging. “Aren’t you afraid of actually dying?”
Liang Chaosu looked up at her. “Isn’t dying good? It’s the only release I can give you.”
Liancheng felt an ineffable sensation, trembling involuntarily.
In the past, she always searched for the reasons for Liang Chaosu’s madness, for his logic. After losing their child, she no longer wanted to think about it; he was a devil.
A devil is no longer a devil if someone can accept his logic.
But when a devil is abandoned by all relatives, indifferent to life and death, his actions exceed human nature and possess no rationality. Those caught in his wake are inevitably impacted.
“You’re thinking—” Liang Chaosu raised his hand and removed the mask. Dewdrops of breath beaded on his nose tip. Stubborn stubble of greyish-blue appeared on his jaw. His adam’s apple, more prominent and sharp due to his thinness, protruded as he uttered a word, his throat bobbing, slicing through her heart like a knife.
“You will never understand me.” Without the support of the mask, his breathing became heavy, as if failing.
“I couldn’t understand either.”
Liancheng openly disdained him, calling him unbelievable and absurdly shameless.
Liang Chaosu possessed mind-reading abilities concerning her, always aware of her. “I’m not lying to you. I used to pore over psychology books daily, believing that by understanding human nature, I could see through others’ thoughts at a glance, yet I despaired within myself.”
“I couldn’t find any theory to verify my feelings for you, my persistence. It changed silently, and by the time I perceived and confirmed it, there was no room for turning back, only the desperate escape.”
Liancheng stared intently at him, her chest rising and falling rapidly. “What do you mean?”
Liang Chaosu’s chest heaved, and the numbers on the bedside monitor fluctuated, the alarm light flashing blindingly.
His condition was worse than in Iceland. After a long sentence, his breath was faint, clearly not conducive to conversation.
Liancheng hesitated for a moment between leaving and staying.
She had no curiosity about Liang Chaosu. The events of those four years, for her, were merely a pretty excuse for suffering. But what Liang Chaosu was referring to didn’t seem to be about those four years.
It was further back.
She asked, “When?”
“When you were preparing to get engaged to Shen Lichuan.”
At that time, she had been discharged from the hospital for appendicitis for three months.
Liancheng recalled, “You are truly disgusting.”
Liang Chaosu’s breathing was erratic. After a long while, he calmed down, his voice hoarse and dry, so much so that one could feel the pain.
“Indeed, disgusting. That’s why I personally handed you over to Shen Lichuan at the engagement banquet. I ran away for three years, yet I still can’t control it; it’s utterly disgusting.”
Not only disgusting, but he was also afraid.
A taboo virus had penetrated his innermost being, impossible to suppress, and the less he saw it, the more he longed for it.
Yet, in this world, there were no books, no medicine, no theory that explained how to cure this disease, how to eliminate it, or even how to restrain it.
People have no imagination for extreme suffering. Everyone sings praises for the beauty and wonder of love’s arrival, but never mentions the potential for sorrow, hopelessness, torment, and restless nights.
In the end, the virus reached his bone marrow. Its name was drugs, and he was prepared to never return to the Liang family for the rest of his life.
He desperately wished to sacrifice himself in a mission, to be burned to ashes and scattered into the sea, his soul annihilated completely.
The instruments in the room blared alarms, alerting Xiao Da outside the door.
Liancheng could no longer stay. She strode towards the exit, then stopped, turned, and looked down at him. “Don’t cross the line again.”
She walked out, her brisk steps brushing past the doctor who was rushing in.
………………………………
Xiao Da instructed the driver to take her back to her residence.
Aunt Wang was simmering soup in the kitchen. Liancheng changed her clothes, washed her hands, and began to prepare vegetables.
Aunt Wang couldn’t make her leave these past few days and had grown accustomed to it.
“Your background—”
She hesitated to speak.
Liancheng lowered her eyes, picking off the yellowed leaves of the celery. “I’m not investigating anymore.”
“Why?” Aunt Wang, knowing her longing for family, was quite astonished. “If you don’t let the Eldest Young Master investigate, we can call the police. And Shen Lichuan, didn’t he want to help you last night?”
Liancheng broke the celery stalks. “I’m busy right now. If I find it, there might be variables.”
Aunt Wang was even more confused. “Busy with what? Going to work at the Liang Corporation?”
Liancheng didn’t answer. Suddenly, she sniffled. “Auntie, what’s in the soup? It smells so good, like corn.”
Aunt Wang subconsciously turned to look at the stove. “Corn and pork ribs, with astragalus added for qi and blood. You’ll drink two more bowls later.”
“Three bowls.” Liancheng got up to get the basin for washing vegetables, looking pitiful. “Auntie, I’m so weak right now, I can’t even hold a knife steady.”
Aunt Wang couldn’t suppress her worry and nagged with heartache. “I didn’t want you to touch knives for fear of injuring your wrist and leaving future problems. You wouldn’t listen, insisting on secretly touching them. Were you hungry in the middle of the night? It’s my fault for sleeping too soundly and not taking good care of you.”
“You don’t need to take care of me, Auntie.” Liancheng leaned against her, nestling on Aunt Wang’s shoulder. “And I’m the most obedient. I got this abroad.”
Aunt Wang’s scent was a blend of sunlight and laundry detergent, warm and comforting.
Liancheng found it pleasant and buried her face in it.
After a long while, her voice, muffled by the fabric, was trembling and light, barely audible.
“When I was fifteen, many things seemed to have happened.”
