Chapter 167: Perfect Customer Service! God’s Persistent Scheming!
Bat Intelligence is top tier in DC.
Bruce Wayne’s mind spins faster than a race car engine. By the time he realizes what information his intellect has parsed, it’s already too late for him to disbelieve his own intelligence.
Gotham’s daytime isn’t exactly dark, yet it still doesn’t illuminate the pallid faces of Gotham’s freaks. The main reason is the communicator in his hand, where Ian Kent’s clumsy voice continues.
“Brother Thomas is just too enthusiastic! Even without drinking fake alcohol, he insisted on us becoming sworn brothers. For Uncle Bruce, I postponed it three times in a row… In the end, Brother Thomas made such a fuss, throwing tantrums and rolling around, I really had no choice but to accept Brother Thomas’s absurd request and become sworn brothers.”
“Bruce Uncle becoming Bruce Nephew, honestly, it feels a bit awkward for me to call you that too.” Ian, with his high emotional intelligence, sensed Bruce’s displeasure.
Therefore, he began to express his meaning to Bruce. In terms of seniority, he could accept everyone calling each other as they saw fit; him calling Bruce “Uncle Bruce” didn’t affect Bruce’s ability to call him “Uncle” as well.
This is what is called the tolerance and concession of elders.
“????????” Bruce’s expression turned into a black sun. His fingers tightened on the wheelchair armrest, the high-grade carbon fiber material emitting a creaking sound of being unable to bear the load.
“I don’t want to know what you’re talking about.” Batman’s voice was more than just low; it was also tinged with gritted teeth. He truly wished he didn’t know the fact that his father was in Hell.
However.
It was all too late.
Bat Intelligence had already helped him understand everything. His brain, like Ian’s brain, had its own thoughts, even if those thoughts were not accepted or acknowledged by the host.
“I’m serious, Brother Thomas is too enthusiastic, he even said he’d give Gotham to me.” Ian was prattling on, and every sentence contained at least a sliver of truth.
The more Bruce Wayne listened, the more his head hurt. The emergency brake lever on the wheelchair was snapped off. His breathing became heavy, and Ian on the communicator continued his endless chatter.
Each word was like a pacemaker, slowly squeezing Bruce Wayne’s heart. Every word from Ian possessed a terrifying destructive power far exceeding that of the Joker. At this moment, Bruce Wayne realized that the Joker he dealt with in Gotham might just be an uncolored clown on a playing card.
The real “King” is in Metropolis! Bruce’s fingers hovered over the button to end the communication, his knuckles turning white from exertion. Three seconds later, he chose a more direct method—the entire communicator was smashed to the ground, and amidst the exclamations of the severely injured criminal calling Batman wasteful, it shattered into pieces.
“Ding ding ding~”
Batman’s backup mobile phone rang. It was a text message from the honest Ian, who insisted on proving his truthfulness, containing a photo and video that could be considered irrefutable evidence.
It was a photo of Thomas Wayne with his arm around Ian, and a ten-second video that could be played through headphones, allowing one to relive his father’s familiar voice.
“Bruce, my child, you should listen to your Uncle Ian more often~” A hand rested on Thomas Wayne’s shoulder as he smiled at Bruce Wayne outside the camera’s view.
Batman stared intently at the figure in the video, his fingers clenching the wheelchair armrest, his knuckles turning increasingly white from excessive force. Thomas Wayne in the video was lifelike, with no discernible difference in the smile lines around his eyes—a relaxed smile that had never appeared in his childhood photo albums.
The King of Gotham’s expression and inner turmoil were complex, filled with both the joy of reuniting with family and a hint of unease and fear. His gaze was involuntarily drawn to the hand on Thomas Wayne’s shoulder—just as Ian had predicted, Batman’s uncontrolled intellect had begun to analyze involuntarily.
Bruce Wayne felt that his father, even without blinking, was definitely being threatened. Thomas might have needed to befriend Ian for some reason.
This was what truly unsettled Bruce Wayne, making him unable to sleep even with ten sleeping pills that night. He knew that no one who had something to ask of Ian could avoid being taken advantage of by him.
This was more terrifying than Ian genuinely extorting people; it was unsolvable.
“Clark Kent!”
He didn’t know why he silently shouted Superman’s name in his mind. To prevent Ian’s scheme from succeeding, Bruce Wayne, despite his face turning ashen and his angry hands trembling, still didn’t reply to Ian in any way, because he knew that was exactly the outcome Ian desired.
“Crack~”
The Bat Freak, with his Bat Freak hands, unleashed Bat Freak strength, crushing his backup mobile phone into junk. The phone twisted and deformed in his palm, the screen shattered, sparks flew from the circuit board, and it ultimately turned into a pile of scrap metal. At this moment, Bruce Wayne secretly resolved to prevent Ian from ever meeting him in this lifetime.
His Bat Intelligence, which he was reluctant to use further, continued to tell him the truth he refused to accept—that bastard always had a trick up his sleeve, one that could make him genuinely call Ian “Uncle” out loud.
Bruce Wayne felt his personal Hell was about to descend. He didn’t move, nor did he speak. In the alleyways of the street, only the engine of the wheelchair emitted a low hum.
However.
A criminal’s voice broke the silence.
“Batman, you don’t want the phone? You can give it to me. I’ll recycle it at Ian’s greatest technology company’s 【Yellow Round】. The second-hand price is much higher than your company’s recycling price. Payment on the spot, privacy cleared, hassle-free and convenient. We buy smart digital devices and luxury gold items at high prices, with an additional price increase of up to 1280 yuan for recycling.”
“Limited flash sale, up to an additional 200 yuan off on top of the activity. Official inspection, buy and sell with more confidence.” Hugo Strange, lying on the ground, earnestly persuaded him.
Even with his legs broken, it didn’t stop him from caring about Batman. Of course, this was definitely poking a sore spot; Batman reacted as if his sensitive skin had been touched.
“Creek—creak—creak—”
Bruce Wayne remained silent, slowly turning his wheelchair to face another one of his old opponents on the ground.
“Creek—creak—creak—”
The wheels rolled over Hugo Strange’s legs repeatedly, the sound of bones shattering echoing in the alley. He had upgraded Hugo Strange’s comminuted fracture package for free.
There was no other way.
Dealing with old opponents was always more violent than dealing with rookie criminals in Gotham. After all, old opponents didn’t have rookie protection; Batman knew Hugo Strange could always fix his own legs.
“Oh~ Batman~ This silent rage, perhaps it’s the reason I can’t truly replace you…” Hugo Strange was a psychologist at Arkham Asylum, obsessed with studying Batman, skilled at manipulating others to achieve his own goals. He had impersonated Batman multiple times to satisfy his desires.
So.
His current idol was Ian Kent. The boy whose true identity he had also investigated and realized how successful he was at impersonating Batman.
Now.
Hugo Strange wanted to dance on Batman’s nerves. He had also succeeded in having Batman crush his legs, after which he began to psychologically manipulate Batman.
“Look, look, when we are wronged, we are not so different… Now, I’m like you too. When I get back, I’ll get myself a wheelchair.” Yes, this was why he wanted his legs broken, because Batman was currently in a wheelchair.
“Speed of 360 mph? You’re still too conservative. I can do better than you!” Hugo Strange looked contentedly at his broken legs, already using his 【Gotham Universal High IQ Round】 to construct wheelchair designs. He felt he was one step closer to surpassing Batman.
“Shut up!”
Bruce Wayne was long accustomed to Gotham’s various villains. He had also undergone a baptism from Ian, so the “mental attack” from his old opponent didn’t have much of an impact on Batman.
The person who understood mental attacks best on Earth was, first and foremost, that bastard boy, and secondly, the Joker. Mentally ranking them, Bruce Wayne punched his incessantly jabbering opponent unconscious. After sending Hugo Strange back to where he belonged, he also began to frantically distract himself.
There was no other choice.
Bruce Wayne truly didn’t want his Bat Intelligence to start working unnecessarily when he wasn’t busy, so he “drove” his throne-like wheelchair and acted wildly in Gotham in broad daylight.
This was absolutely unprecedented.
Many villains had their plans disrupted by Batman’s inverted schedule.
Screams echoed through the Gotham docks.
On this day.
A terrifying legend of a “Wheelchair Bat” began to emerge. Some said Batman no longer used the Batmobile but roamed in broad daylight in a wheelchair that could crush bones.
This legend quickly spread through the black market, bars, and slums, becoming a new symbol of fear. At the same time, new Gotham ghost stories began circulating in Blackgate Prison.
Legend had it.
The Batman, in his electric wheelchair, would repeatedly run over criminals until they could recite the complete history of Gotham’s development and curse Superman’s entire family as bastards a hundred times. Since Batman temporarily didn’t want to use his Bat Intelligence, he didn’t realize the photo was just the beginning.
His smashing of all backup phones without checking messages made him miss an opportunity to prevent a greater “crisis”—a cinematic revolution was brewing on the internet.
A documentary about 【The Fall of the King】 was being uploaded to the 【Superhero Popularity Center Round】 in the 【Documentary Section Round】. The distribution rights were immediately bought by the user 【I Want to Be Richer Than Bruce Wayne Round】 for three hundred million US dollars. Green Arrow seemed to really enjoy being active online whenever he had nothing else to do.
The revamped 【Superhero Popularity Center Round】 now had a video channel, with three categories—【3D Section Round】, 【Domestic Section Round】, and 【Documentary Section Round】—for users to upload their self-made videos.
Among them, the review work for the 【Domestic Section Round】 was the most arduous, as it was a legal website. However, ever since the Gate of Heaven fell, there was always a user named 【Batman Loves Me Again Round】 who uploaded ten million purple “Batman’s Tragic and Beautiful Abusive Love Story Round》” fan videos daily, suggesting that the great power of some Archangel was being used in the wrong place.
Of course.
Ian was unaware of this. He only discovered that even the black box couldn’t track the user’s IP address, and blocking the account was impossible. It could be considered encountering a worthy opponent.
After fiddling with his phone for a bit, Ian continued to hold a conference. The fun of being a boss lies in holding conferences; if you don’t hold conferences, what kind of boss are you?
Setting aside the fact that his employees loved working twenty-four hours a day, he was already better than most bosses. At least he didn’t use employees’ after-work hours for meetings; he only used their working hours for meetings—once again, angels loving to work twenty-four hours a day had nothing to do with Ian.
They always felt that working a little more time would earn them more angel points. Ian had also advised them to at least rest for half an hour, but the angels’ reactions made Ian want to name them all “Xiangzi One,” “Xiangzi Two,” “Xiangzi Three”… They still had a long way to go in experiencing the human world.
Inside the New·Heaven Technology Factory.
Ian’s PUA was like a cult gathering. Behind him was a massive holographic screen displaying “Struggle! Strive! Persevere! Transcend!” The background music was the AI-remixed purple “Symphony of Fate Round》,” with the rhythm deliberately stretched, each drumbeat as heavy as a heartbeat.
Ian picked up the microphone again.
His voice was low and powerful.
“Angels!”
He spoke.
His voice instantly pierced the entire factory.
“Who are you?!”
There was no answer, only silent anticipation.
“I ask you—who are you?!”
Ian’s voice suddenly rose, almost with a roaring quality. This time, thousands of angels responded in unison: “We are the light of New Heaven!”
The angels suppressed their shame and shouted as Ian requested. They had definitely grown; at least their skin would be much thicker after leaving the factory gates.
“No! You are not light, you are just angels who have fallen to the mortal world!” Ian waved his hand sharply, deviating from the usual script. He turned and pressed the remote. The holographic screen instantly switched to images of tired human faces—programmers, cleaners, delivery riders, and construction workers.
“Look at the products in your hands! The quality has improved, but the production speed is still not enough. I have put aside my pride and opened up sales channels for your products by relying on my juniors’ support.”
“And the result? The result is that you have let down my efforts and sacrifices, and you have let down New·Heaven.”
“I heard some people have started to slack off, thinking work is hard. But compare yourselves to them; are you truly working hard? You don’t have to be exposed to the sun, you have air conditioning while working, and there are even high-end, near-expiry snacks in the break area. The drinks you have are also unfiltered mineral water bottled by me from my dimension.”
“Isn’t this much happier than most humans? Angels, you can’t just love your work when you have divine power! Look at your hands! That’s not light; it’s responsibility! It’s a mission! It’s—ultimate compassion for humanity! Every microwave you make allows one more poor person to have a microwave.”
“And over in the technology department, although there are currently no production equipment or raw materials, these are not major issues. Humans have progressed from eating raw meat to technological prosperity. As angels, great angels, what difficulty is there in hand-crafting a few F35s? I promised my grandfather I’d deliver ten F35s to him by the end of the year!”
“If you can’t handcraft them, how will my grandfather receive kickbacks? If my grandfather can’t receive kickbacks, how will I get the rebate my grandfather gives me? The future of America, no, today I just finished a history class, I should say the future of Earth, depends on these ten F35s of mine. Be good, after handcrafting a nuclear reactor, come and handcraft this F35.”
“I know your divine power has recovered a little… Yes, there are spies of mine all over the factory. You definitely won’t believe how quickly you betray your fellow beings.”
“I finally understand why humans also possess this wonderful virtue that is great for capitalists.” After the swift ‘stick’ approach, Ian also offered some ‘carrots’ of encouragement.
“We must make every product a gift from God! Let every mobile phone carry the will of an angel! Let every pair of headphones play the holy song of Heaven!”
“Struggle is not a choice, it is destiny!”
“Strive is not a slogan, it is breathing!”
“Persevere is not a virtue, it is instinct!”
“Hard work is not a virtue, it is existence itself!”
“From today onwards, we have only one goal—to let the entire world, every corner, every family, every soul, use products from New Heaven Technology!”
“This is your expression of love for humanity! God is watching us!” Ian said sincerely, urging them to recite the company slogan again.
Five hundred angels were ignited by his words.
“If you don’t work hard today, Lucifer will mock you to your face tomorrow!” This is a genuine slogan; after all, for an excellent enterprise, slogans are not just empty words.
Lucifer was more than willing to take on this part-time job.
“Lucifer…”
Michael stood at the very back of the angel formation, a pure white halo flowing in his palm, appearing very restrained. This Archangel lowered his eyes, seemingly obedient, but his knuckles were tightly clenched.
His fingernails almost dug into his palms.
Ian’s inflammatory speech echoed in his ears, each “service upgrade” slogan felt like a thorn, piercing his dignity as the Archangel. He scanned the “white angel streamers” in front of him who had been brainwashed—their faces were filled with fanatical smiles, eagerly stating they would work harder.
This situation made Michael uncomfortable. They, as a higher race, were now doing such things. In the past, he wouldn’t even have considered such a scene.
However.
Having fallen to the mortal realm.
Everything had changed.
Even he could only passively accept reality. Michael roared in his heart. He had once commanded the heavenly host, and now he was demoted to a salesperson for this tech cult? No, he would fight back. He would use more extreme methods within Ian’s rules to climb to the top—not by divine power, but by scheming.
“Bottom performance? Absolutely not!”
Michael wanted to prove himself. Even without his divine power, he was still the most outstanding angel. There was no other way; he could clearly sense a trace of God’s aura emanating from Ian.
What he said about having morning tea with God was indeed true—he had never had morning tea with God in his life. Perhaps his current predicament was God’s tempering of the angels.
Michael pondered, already figuring out how to increase his visibility. A domineering CEO? No! As the most powerful angel in Heaven, he had a better plan!
Thinking thus.
Michael was full of confidence. Just as Ian’s speech was nearing its end, an angel strode forward, his face filled with a newly acquired, fawning smile.
“Greatest Ian Venerable One, below God, the first batch of sales data for the ‘Gratitude Series’ home appliances is out! The shelves at Walmart were almost emptied in three seconds!”
“Your strategy of giving away eggs with appliance purchases is indeed brilliant.” The angel from sales held a tablet, which Ian took. On the screen, housewives were frantically grabbing microwaves printed with his smiling face in the supermarket. An old lady even knocked over a nearby shopping cart with her crutch.
“Well done!”
Ian snapped his fingers.
The angels from sales collectively received the 【Little Red Flower Round】 medal reward—it could be exchanged for points, but the angels’ most direct feeling was that their recovery speed of glory seemed to have increased slightly.
“What products are currently on sale?” Ian had many earth-shattering designs that surpassed the era, so he wanted to understand how much of his wisdom the world was truly experiencing.
Upon hearing this, the angel sales supervisor cleared his throat. “The ‘Gratitude Brand’ microwaves from the first batch of inventory have received excellent feedback. The version that starts at high power after praising you for 30 seconds is the best-selling appliance.”
“Next are the Loyalty Bracelets, which are children’s watches for the new era, with features like positioning, calling, and homework reminders. However, every night at 9 PM, it will automatically play Ian’s bedtime stories.”
“Also, the heated sofa with five hundred words of praise written on the armrest. I see the furniture stores are also very efficient. It can indeed be used in new energy vehicles. Coupled with the plan you mentioned about devout believers activating the ‘deep throttle mode,’ it should also attract quite a few users of high-horsepower sports cars for you.”
…
The angel sales supervisor’s report was very detailed. Ian began to imitate the Dragon King’s crooked smile again.
“I only sell a microwave for ten US dollars. How can other companies compete with me?” He felt his smile wasn’t wicked enough, so he manually pulled at the corners of his mouth.
This time, his mouth stretched to his ears, truly embodying the Dragon King.
“Savior Angel, I also have a new product plan here.” The angel from the creative department, in Ian’s opinion, was not very useful, but they did give him a small surprise.
Behold.
A few angels awkwardly pulled out their product designs.
It was a heated flushing toilet. The user’s seat would heat up by one degree for every phrase ‘Thank you Ian for granting me a smooth passage,’ and one also needed to thank Ian for the user’s clean buttocks while washing them.
“…”
This was truly a case of the student surpassing the master. Ian didn’t quite like the divine power obtained in this atmosphere, but trying out niche products wasn’t impossible.
“Next, let’s focus on new energy vehicles. I found the real new energy last night… You first design the car navigation systems. May I guide every car owner in the correct direction.”
“Oh, and regarding the farm, I want everyone in the world to be able to eat genuine one-dollar fried chicken. Speed up your research on how to modify 【Pious Chicken Round】.”
“Use your recovered divine power more!” After directing the production, Ian remembered the promise he made to God and hurriedly left the factory.
The remaining angels enthusiastically resumed production. Black angels, white angels, as long as they worked, they were good angels. Even Michael returned to his live stream room.
“Family members! New·Heaven Factory’s microwave oven, ten US dollars! Can you hear me? Ten US dollars! Add one US dollar, and your microwave will play our songs while it operates!”
“Limited to ten thousand units, grabbing one is a reward for the soul!”
“Now I want to recommend this praise sofa. As long as you sincerely praise the company’s boss for thirty seconds, the massage chair mode will activate!”
“True comfort is the reward of faith!”
“No, I’m really not a shill, I’m just recommending what I’m using to you family members. Order now and get a signed photo album from me!”
…
The live stream e-commerce model had arrived in this world.
Initiated by Ian.
Led by the angels.
Their outstanding appearances naturally suited this profession.
Michael listened to the commotion in the live stream room around him and sneered. He had no intention of joining this arena, as his archangelic intelligence had already revealed a bug in the human world.
“Family, I have something to tell you…” He turned on the microphone, his voice clear and firm, but at the last moment, it suddenly softened.
“Actually, I’m a girl.”
Michael used his only divine power to confirm his gender in the real world. He had investigated and found that the “borderline” female streamers received the most tips and support.
Now.
With a wave of divine power investment, he was about to become a leader in this field, reaping even greater rewards. He possessed a perfect face more beautiful than astonishing looks. Using this as a facade for a domineering CEO was an incredibly foolish idea. By leveraging this capital, cross-dressing and transforming into a female streamer was the true way to grasp the pulse of humanity!
“Everyone, don’t panic. Really, really, I have a big lump here, how could I be a man disguised as a woman?” It was clear that Michael was truly living a second life.
Michael officially went online.
……
Walmart, Carrefour, Sam’s Club.
In front of the shelves of major supermarkets for common people, crowds surged like tides.
“Mom! That TV looks so clear! I can even see people’s pores!” A little girl in a faded jacket tugged at her mother’s sleeve, her small face turning bright red.
“Can we buy that one?!”
The girl looked pleadingly at her mother.
“A thank-you price of 99 US dollars?”
The mother stared at the price tag, disbelieving, her fingers trembling slightly. Their old TV had broken three years ago, and they had been listening to the news on a radio given to them by a neighbor.
High taxes, six children, three jobs a day, and the expenses of various insurances had already left the family exhausted. Even in this era, it was difficult to hope for any spare money.
The eldest daughter even had to work part-time at school.
Fortunately, there was a kind second-generation rich person at the middle school offering low-interest lunch bags, so the middle children were not malnourished. This mother had wanted a new TV for a long time.
However.
The reality was that no matter how hard they worked, the money couldn’t even support the household. Who would have thought that a new 4K high-definition TV could now be obtained for only 99 US dollars?
If the money wasn’t enough, they could even use the “praise loan” offered by the manufacturer!
“Okay! We’ll buy one! And the microwave oven over there, the electric kettle… Oh, and there are even “Gratitude Brand” sanitary napkins!” She finally had the confidence to respond to her youngest daughter’s desires.
“Sweetheart, let’s go to the checkout.” This housewife, like most consumers, felt it was unreal to be able to get high-quality products at a low price when their pockets were tight.
It was like pizza falling from the sky.
A long line formed at the checkout counter, and everyone’s shopping cart was piled high with gleaming “New Heaven Manufacturing” products—washing machines that played holy songs, smart rice cookers that said “Ian bless you.” As long as the discounts were significant, the public wasn’t opposed to turning on the device to listen to speeches and praise strangers.
Not to mention the free eggs.
People all over the world are the same.
It’s worth noting that daily necessities like eggs are scarce for a few months every year in America.
“This price is practically giving it away!” A college student excitedly held up his newly purchased “Loyalty Brand” notebook computer. “The configuration is even higher than flagship, and it’s only 199!”
His friend bent down to study the manual.
“It just requires writing 100 words of praise diary daily and saving it on the desktop. But it’s fine!” He grinned. “Since essays are made up anyway, what’s a few more flowery compliments?”
Young people had a higher acceptance rate. In their old apartment, the little girl and her mother carefully placed the new TV on the coffee table. The moment the switch was pressed, the screen lit up with a soft golden glow.
【Please say the activation phrase: Thank you Lord Ian for your boon】
The mother cleared her throat: “Thank you. Lord Ian for your boon?”
“Ding! Authentication successful!”
The TV suddenly played cheerful music, and a voice announced today’s special offer: Watching 《Ian’s Wisdom Lecture》 for ten minutes entitles you to one day of free premium channel membership.
“We have a new TV! And we can watch cartoons on the premium channel!”
The little girl cheered and threw herself into her mother’s arms.
The mother touched her daughter’s soft hair, her eyes welling up slightly. She didn’t know who Ian was, but at that moment, she was sincerely grateful to this stranger.
On the other side.
Retired teacher Robert was troubled by the remote control for his newly purchased “Piety Brand” smart air conditioner. Squinting through his reading glasses, he couldn’t find the temperature adjustment button.
“Never mind, I’ll try customer service.”
He dialed the 24-hour hotline listed in the manual. The old teacher had lived in this land for many years, and he expected to wait half an hour, but the call was answered instantly.
And the person on the other end wasn’t a man with an Indian accent, nor a man pretending to be a girl with an Indian accent.
“Hello~ This is New Heaven, Ian’s greatest technology, customer service representative Little Warm speaking~” A sweet voice, like honey melting in the sunlight, came through.
“You sound a bit rushed. Is the air conditioner misbehaving?” The other person clearly wasn’t using a voice changer; the voice was genuinely sweet as honey and, for some reason, had a comforting effect.
She even made a joke.
“You… can remotely know what problem I’m having?”
He was somewhat alarmed.
He began to worry frantically about his information being collected by mysterious big data and used for illegal activities. This was the daily life of a conspiracy theorist in America.
“Of course not. There isn’t a single surveillance camera in the air conditioner, nor does it connect to the internet to transmit data. I just understand you. Please trust our professional training.”
The customer service representative spoke playfully.
“Come, I’ll teach you how to turn off night mode in three steps. Also… oh, would you like to hear a bedtime story? I know you haven’t been sleeping well lately.”
The service was so good that the retired teacher felt like he wasn’t living in America. He had never imagined that a customer service representative could make a customer so happy while explaining product usage.
Ten minutes passed, and the old teacher not only learned all the functions but also chatted with Little Warm about work pressure, his deceased wife, and his cat that always loved to scratch the sofa.
The customer service representative was an excellent listener and knew how to comfort people.
“Please press the little heart on the remote control again. Yes, the one with my new boss’s smiling face on it,” the customer service representative said with a light laugh, offering advice to the lonely old man.
Robert did as instructed.
The air conditioner immediately blew out warm air with the scent of gardenias.
“My goodness!”
His eyes widened in surprise.
“You truly understand me! My late wife loved this scent the most.” The old teacher was full of disbelief. He suddenly realized that he might have been out of touch with the times for too long.
Perhaps technological development wasn’t such a bad thing after all.
“Of course I understand you~ You signed the authorization form, so I understand your late wife too. If I don’t understand you, who will?” The customer service representative’s voice was as gentle as coaxing a child. “Our service tenet is ‘thinking what you think’! By the way, a cold snap is expected in your hometown tomorrow, remember to switch the mode to—”
“Wait!” Robert interrupted suddenly, and he spoke with a hint of shyness, “Do you… offer paid chat services? Like, occasional chats.”
The old teacher was clearly embarrassed to say this. It wasn’t because he was a lecher and felt ashamed, but because lonely people always want someone to listen to their troubles.
Society today is too indifferent. He might have lived next to his neighbors for years without exchanging more than a few words. Moreover, American neighbors weren’t as enthusiastic as he had imagined when he immigrated from Germany. When it came to complaining about life, neighbors would only offer superficial comfort and then criticize him behind his back for being rude.
Even when going to the hospital to see a doctor and describe his pain, the doctor would charge an extra fee for mental distress. This is how American society is—superficially warm and brutally cold underneath.
It’s not without reason that paid chat phone services have become increasingly prosperous in America to this day. This wasn’t the country the old man had wanted to build when he participated in the atomic bomb project back then. But what could he do? He could only choose to withdraw from his original research institution and become a physics teacher at a university.
His resistance was meaningless.
This was also the reason for his current downfall.
“Do you want to chat with me more?”
To the old man’s request.
A cheerful laugh came from the other end of the phone.
“There’s no fee~ Based on the questionnaire you filled out, I’ve already understood your situation. You’ll have plenty of time to chat with me from now on~”
The customer service representative even knew the old man had about three years left to live. However, she was professionally trained and did not reveal this. The old teacher Robert didn’t know that the so-called “customer service representative Little Warm” on the other end of the phone was currently perched on goat hooves, using her tail to twirl a pen and check off the “quality customer” list.
Behind her, in the customer service center, hundreds of demons wearing headphones spoke in the gentlest voices, offering the most comforting words—the service rules set by Ian scrolled across the electronic screen on the wall.
【Rule 1: You can contact the deceased relatives of the customer and use all your power to make every customer feel that you are their long-lost confidant.】
The customer service was outsourced by Ian to demons from Hell. Of course, the customers didn’t know this. They only knew they were receiving high-quality customer service.
This was actually a win-win employment opportunity for the demons. Perhaps the only one who was hurt was Master Batman. In a dark surveillance room in Gotham, Master Batman was displeased.
“These customer service representatives…” Bruce Wayne’s fingers tapped on the keyboard with a violent rhythm. His black cape hung on either side of his wheelchair, like a pair of broken wings.
The Batcave’s supercomputer hummed, and countless communication link analysis charts flickered on the holographic projection screen. However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t trace the communication path.
The terminals for all customer service calls were unknown.
Bruce frowned, his wheelchair rolling over scattered Batarangs on the floor.
“It’s impossible to have no trace at all! Unless it’s really from Hell—” He wheeled back and forth in the Batcave, his voice filled with frustration, his pupils behind the mask constantly flashing.
Alfred elegantly placed down the tea tray.
“Young Master, shall we try the old-fashioned method?”
He took out an antique rotary dial telephone.
“Shall we directly ask that ‘Uncle Ian’?”
The old butler was also teasing.
After all, there’s nothing happier than knowing your good friend is doing well, even if it’s Hell. But then again, isn’t Gotham another kind of Hell?
It was quite reasonable that his Master was thriving in Hell.
“You go ask him.”
Bruce’s knuckles turned white, but he still chose to compromise. Of course, he wouldn’t make the call himself to ask Ian how he managed to do it.
This required an intermediary.
To avoid some sleepless nights.
The call was connected surprisingly quickly.
The old butler cleared his throat and repeated Bruce Wayne’s confusion.
Receiving a response.
He considerately covered the receiver and whispered in the direction of the wheelchair.
“What is that child asking you?”
This was, in a way, a modern version of “covering one’s ears while stealing a bell.”
“Ask him how he established this connection with Hell.” Batman’s voice was still that bubbly tone, but there was a hint of helplessness in his tone. Alfred perfectly relayed the question, even retaining the gritted teeth in the original sentence. Ian’s exaggerated inhalation could be heard from the other end of the phone.
He gave a reply.
The old butler’s expression froze for a second.
His expression was very strange.
“What did that guy say?”
Batman couldn’t help but ask.
The old butler hesitated for a moment before answering.
“He said, ‘Don’t ask. If you ask, it’s just—Wayne Enterprises.'”
The Batcave suddenly became eerily silent.
Alfred witnessed a miracle of human body temperature—his young master’s neck to ear tips turned tomato red at a visible speed, and the wheelchair armrests groaned with metal fatigue.
“M-Master? Your gloves are smoking. Oh, no, Master, don’t cry! You haven’t cried in a long time… Shall I go get a camera?”
That day, Batman seemed to have returned to his youth, like a child. In the Batcave, red heat and psychic energy erupted simultaneously, turning the entire underground base into a scene of chaos.
Meanwhile, Ian was riding on top of a Hellcat Car, enjoying the afternoon in Metropolis. The car drifted to a stop in front of a church. He originally wanted to communicate some details with God.
However.
Something unexpected happened.
Ian saw his Eldest Brother, Jonathan, emerge from the church.
Smiling broadly.
Holding a statue of God in his hand. Ian, being a person with super intelligence, had an epiphany and was as stiff as his great-nephew, Uncle Batman, had been before.
“Oh! No!”
Ian’s Super Brain told him.
This is a big problem!
Some old geezer is a lazy bum!
He wants to use a ready-made belt!
