Chapter 247: Unfinished Worldly Affairs
A delicate young nun led Xue Sui into Shui Yue Nunnery.
The snow in the corridor had not been swept, and it crunched underfoot.
The young nun’s voice was timid, “Benefactor, Abbess Huiming has arrived.”
Perhaps it was the quiet coldness of the convent, but her voice had a slightly nervous nasal quality.
Xue Sui looked up to meet her gaze. From within the moon gate emerged an old nun, clad in a plain gray robe. A string of bodhi seeds hanging from her neck gleamed with a gentle luster in the snow light. Her face was solemn, her eyes deep and compassionate.
“Amitabha, are you Benefactor Xue?”
The Emperor had bestowed a hundred taels of gold to repair the convent. Shui Yue Nunnery had received this grace, and everything from top to bottom had been attended to. While not overly solicitous, their arrangements for her arrival were thorough and proper.
Xue Sui curtsied, “It is indeed Xue Liu. I apologize for disturbing your monastic practice, Reverend Mother.”
The old nun observed Xue Sui for a moment, her hands clasped. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes seemed to hold a thousand unspoken words.
“Last night, I dreamt of white plum blossoms covered in snow, and I knew a distinguished guest was arriving. Indeed, I have welcomed you, Benefactor…”
She was, after all, different from other practicing nuns.
Xue Sui understood the Abbess’s concerns and bowed her head.
“I trouble you, Reverend Mother, to preside over my tonsure ceremony.”
The old nun nodded and led her into the Great Hero Hall.
The candlelight flickered within the hall. The Buddha’s compassionate gaze fell upon her, as if surveying the joys and sorrows of the mortal world.
A faint scent of mugwort lingered on the cushion, mixed with the aroma of aged incense, bringing an inexplicable sense of peace.
Xue Sui closed her eyes and knelt on the cushion, listening to Abbess Huiming recite Buddhist scriptures. She found herself inexplicably drifting, recalling Li Zhao’s words in prison—
“Even if the sky falls, I will take you from this hellhole.”
Now she had truly left, but in such a manner.
“Benefactor, do you have something on your mind?” Abbess Huiming asked softly, gently stroking her prayer beads.
“Reverend Mother’s insight is as sharp as a torch.” Xue Sui lowered her gaze, looking at the pattern on the cushion, not lying before the Buddha.
“I assumed Benefactor would shave your own head, having already made a decision. Now, I see, perhaps there is reluctance?”
“It was merely a turn in the mortal world; if it’s broken, it’s broken.” Xue Sui raised her hand, brushing over the top of her head, and smiled. “My worldly ties have long since departed. Now I wish to borrow the blade in your hands to gain a clean name.”
“There is a fierce aura between your brows,” the old nun suddenly said, sighing softly. “Could it be someone you cannot let go of, or something unfinished?”
Xue Sui calmly looked up at her, then at the Buddha statue, and said softly, “I cannot let go, yet I must. It is like the snow outside the convent; it is cold when it lands on the palm, but if you clench it tightly, it will melt.”
Abbess Huiming smiled slightly. “In this world, not getting what one desires is the norm. Benefactor might as well look at things with a lighter heart; everything has its destiny.”
“Reverend Mother speaks wisely.”
“I see dark circles under your eyes, and your spirit seems weary. Perhaps you should rest for a while longer…”
“Reverend Mother, do not fear, my fate is strong.”
“Excellent! Then I shall give you the Dharma name ‘Lian Chen,’ would that be acceptable?”
“I thank you, Reverend Mother.” Xue Sui kowtowed, her forehead touching the ground.
Abbess Huiming said no more, holding the ordination knife and chanting: “The first cut severs ignorance. The second cut severs anger and delusion. The third cut severs desire.”
With that, she lightly brushed the ordination knife over her head. Not much hair was cut, and the clippings were wrapped in yellow silk and burned in the incense burner.
“May all evils be removed, may all good be cultivated, may all sentient beings be delivered…”
Afterward, she took a Guanyin water vase and sprinkled water on her shoulders with a willow branch.
“The first sprinkle purifies the body, the second purifies the mind, the third purifies the spirit.”
As her voice fell, she closed her eyes slightly and nodded.
The young nun beside her brought a monk’s robe and draped it over Xue Sui.
Abbess Huiming said softly, “Lian Chen, from this moment on, you are a person of the Buddhist Gate. You must abide by the precepts and sever ties with the mortal world.”
The candlelight before the Buddha flickered as if moved by the wind.
Xue Sui kowtowed, “I will remember your teachings, Reverend Mother.”
–
The ceremony concluded, and Xue Sui was led by the young nun back to her quarters.
The monastic room was located in the back courtyard. Pushing open the window revealed an old plum tree, its branches adorned with icicles that refracted tiny glints of light.
Xiao Zhao was busy making the bed. Seeing Xue Sui return, she began to chatter.
“Young Lady, when spring comes, let’s plant some flowers in the courtyard. This courtyard is too plain…”
“Isn’t plainness good?” Xue Sui interrupted her, her gaze falling on the bronze mirror on the desk. Reflected within was a bald woman, her features thin, her chin pointed, like a drawn sword. Her eyes held a smile, yet were tinged with a frosty clarity.
She touched her head with satisfaction.
“It saves the effort of styling my hair and allows me to do more things.”
Xiao Zhao pouted, touched her head, her eyes reddening again.
“Young Lady, these are your old belongings. Please check them.” Jinshu entered with maids carrying two trunks, her tone calm, as usual.
While Xue Sui was in the Great Hero Hall, Jinshu had already had the maids arrange the monastic room. The room was warm with charcoal fire, the tables and chairs were polished to a gleam, and Xue Sui’s usual celadon brush washer and goat hair brushes were all laid out. Even the low table by the window was set up as before, covered with plain paper, pressed flat by a paperweight.
Compared to Tan Qiu Courtyard, this place was much simpler, but it had the advantage of bright windows and clean tables, exuding a sense of Zen.
Xue Sui smiled slightly, her fingertips brushing over the copper clasps on the trunks.
“Aunt manages the daily affairs flawlessly. I am at ease.”
Xiao Zhao pouted and bent down to sort the trunks. Suddenly, from beneath the trunks, she unearthed a gold-inlaid lacquer box and several boxwood boxes.
Inside were the scented powder, rouge, velvet flowers, and various hairpins and ornaments that Xue Sui used to wear—mundane items…
The vibrant colors struck her eyes, appearing particularly out of place in the plain gray monastic room.
Xiao Zhao’s eyes reddened again. Just as she was about to ask what to do with them, Xue Sui reached out, took them, fiddled with them briefly, and then casually placed them on the desk.
“Keep them all.”
Jinshu filled the brush washer with clean water and said gently, “Young Lady, if you miss your old belongings, just tell this maidservant, and I will go find them.”
Xue Sui shook her head, her fingertips tracing the peony pattern on the box.
“No matter how beautiful the scenery of the past was, it was for others to see. Unlike now, like a free-spirited crane, I am at ease.”
Jinshu smiled slightly. “This maidservant understands.”
Xue Sui appreciated Jinshu’s thoughtfulness; she was an extremely reliable manager. Without needing explicit instructions, Jinshu understood her needs.
“Do you have any news of the Eldest Young Master?”
Jinshu lowered her gaze. “The Eldest Young Master will come in a few days. He said he would wait until Young Lady is calmer.”
What was there for her to be unsettled about?
Senior Disciple Brother worried too much.
Xue Sui sat by the window and looked out.
This window faced an empty mountain. The mountain wind swept past, bringing a refreshing coolness.
At some point, the snow had stopped.
A bright moon climbed to the mountaintop. Its clear radiance spilled over the convent’s eaves. In the snow light, the bare ginkgo trees pointed directly at the sky…
Xue Sui stood by the window, gazing into the distance. Suddenly, her chest felt a slight itch, as if something had swirled in her bloodstream and gently knocked on the door of her heart. Her heartbeat suddenly quickened.
She pressed her hand firmly to her chest.
This surging restlessness was even more intense than usual…
She did not think of romance, yet romance arrived with the night, stirring her heart and flooding her mind—
Li Zhao’s cold eyes as he gripped his sword, flickering like deep pool stars; his appearance galloping on horseback, like a fleeting glimpse that wouldn’t fade; the hem of his dark brocade robe, like vines entwining her heart…
“If I were to kiss you now, would that be considered walking into a trap?”
The man’s low, husky, burning voice, accompanied by an itch like gnawing insects, rampaged through her meridians, scorching her senses, as if a warm breath brushed past her ear…
She had taken medicine just before leaving Hanzhang Hall.
It seemed some ailments cannot be cured by medicine alone…
“Young Lady, it’s time for your meal. You’ve had a tiring journey and haven’t had a drop to drink. Please drink this bowl of yam soup while it’s hot to warm your body…”
Xiao Zhao entered with a tray, calling out with concern.
Xue Sui sat in the qingzhu rattan chair, pressing her chest and closing her eyes tightly.
“Did you hear horses’ hooves?”
Xiao Zhao put down the bowl of porridge and looked at her strangely. She paused to listen for a moment and shook her head.
“Did Young Lady mishear?”
Xue Sui was silent for a moment and then softly hummed.
The sound was indistinct, like the mournful cry of the night wind, lazy and seductive, slowly disappearing on the stone steps outside the convent.
The wind was strong, causing the monastic room door to creak twice before slamming shut!
Xue Sui touched the Buddhist scriptures on the desk, then suddenly rushed forward and forcefully pushed open the window…
The mountain in the snowy night was very cold. A pigeon fluttered and flew over, landing on her windowsill.
Xue Sui gently cupped it, holding its claws.
The bird’s claws were empty.
Xiao Zhao stood by the window and smiled, “So it’s Spirit Feather. Aunt said that last night when she was packing your things, it suddenly flew out and couldn’t be found anywhere. I thought we’d have to go back to the Prince’s Mansion to look for it, but it found its way here on its own… Oh, Spirit Feather, you truly are a little sprite…”
She reached out and gently stroked the pigeon, feeding it millet.
Spirit Feather cooed in response, its feathers glowing softly in the candlelight.
Xue Sui picked up a brush, suppressing her disordered breathing, and sat at the desk, gently writing—
【Discarding golden hairpins for a hemp robe, with straw sandals and cloth shoes, I live my life freely.】
【All the chess pieces on the board have been sacrificed, leaving only a single lamp burning before the Buddha.】
The strokes penetrated the paper, each one drawing out long ink trails…
The candlelight flickered, illuminating the determination in her eyes.
Outside the window, the moonlight was like water, illuminating the convent’s eaves and the majestic city walls of Shangjing.
“Worldly affairs are not yet concluded, how can one achieve enlightenment?”
Grudges and affections will eventually fade.
In this silent night, some struggle in love and hate, some sink in schemes, but she, in the end, will be the clearest-headed one in this game.
She only needs to wait for the flowers to bloom amidst the morning bells and evening drums of Shui Yue Nunnery, and to re-organize her own battlefield…
