Chapter 22: Program Team That Treats Lives Like Grass
Jin Xia: “……”
“Teacher Chi, in a bit, in a bit, come out with me, okay?”
Empress Dowager blinked her peach blossom eyes, sparkling with wisdom: “We’ll sneak out together!”
Chi Ye: “?”
“Sneak out? To do what?”
He discovered that Empress Dowager really had a strong vibe of sneakiness.
Jin Xia was dissatisfied with Teacher Chi’s lack of tacit understanding with her: “Do I even need to ask? Of course to go out and buy tasty food!”
She voiced her grand yet small wish: “Later, take me to eat more things I haven’t tried… Hmm, staying out too long isn’t good, so we’ll sneakily buy some back and hide to eat it.”
Chi Ye: “……Aren’t additives enough? You have to try gutter oil, eat some lymph meat?!”
Jin Xia was overjoyed and shocked: “There’s stuff tastier than additives?”
Chi Ye: “……”
The two reached a little secret for this outing.
But who would have thought, on the first day Teacher Huang came to Jian Ni, before even cooking, he dropped a huge one for everyone.
Half an hour later, inside the dwelling.
Jian Ni Chief Director looked solemnly at everyone, announcing the first “outdoor activity” for today’s Jian Ni family inaugural gathering.
“I think everyone came to our program to show the most real self, so the program team’s process must be followed.”
Chief Director glanced at Teacher Huang, who awkwardly scratched his nose.
Jian Ni’s Chief Director wasn’t an ordinary variety show director, but a big shot listed at Mango TV, otherwise it’d be impossible to greenlight the Jian Ni project, gathering so many demons and monsters at once.
Naturally, he was confident in controlling the scene.
“So according to the program team’s process, after the Jian Ni family’s first assembly, to help everyone get familiar quickly, we’ve decided to take everyone for a special ‘outdoor exercise’ today.”
After Chief Director finished, he didn’t introduce more.
Director Li took over, starting to organize everyone to pack luggage and board the Jian Ni bus that drove into the courtyard.
“Where are we going?”
Jin Xia was delighted instead of surprised, poking her little head to keep looking out the window, then at Teacher Huang not far away, her charming peach blossom eyes full of inquiry.
Teacher Huang noticed the gaze and turned his head away to avoid looking at her.
Just now was really… a bit embarrassing.
He didn’t expect his first “rank and seniority” in Jian Ni to hit a snag.
“Teacher Huang is pretty clean freakish.”
Chi Ye saw this and couldn’t help shaking his head.
“Oh?” Jin Xia beside him snapped back, curious: “How do you know?”
“Dropped face right on arrival, what do you think?”
Jin Xia: “……”
“Also, stop staring at Teacher Huang all the time.”
Chi Ye saw Empress Dowager still couldn’t curb her curiosity, speechless: “Teacher Huang’s old bones are embarrassed by your staring.”
Jin Xia turned back, dissatisfied: “Teacher Huang fought well this time too, though we couldn’t go out to eat, going out for outdoor fun is interesting too.”
Chi Ye heard this and felt there wasn’t anything wrong with it.
In the end, after they took the bus marked with Jian Ni logo and arrived at the so-called “outdoor venue” per the program team, everyone was dumbfounded.
Because the place they arrived at wasn’t the imagined ski resort or amusement park, but a vast empty field.
The empty field was huge, at least the size of a football field, piled with several “golden hills.”
“This is… corn?”
Yang Zi had already put on gold-rimmed glasses, wearing a precious name-brand watch, exuding elegant demeanor, clearly no good thing.
“Welcome to ‘Corn Mountain.’”
Director Li, taking over from Chief Director, cleared his throat lightly, using the program team’s megaphone to introduce: “Winter is the farming off-season, but around Jian Ni small dwelling, many villagers have stockpiled dried corn at home.”
“Every winter, they use the oldest corn thresher to shell the corn kernels from the dried corn to sell next year.”
“As friendly neighbors to the villagers, you’ve cheerfully agreed to help them with this arduous task……”
Yang Zi looked at the dried corn piled as high as several mountains in front of him, dizzy: “Who cheerfully agreed for us? We didn’t get the message!”
“Aren’t we in an urban village? Neighbors around?”
Lin Jingyi’s face was equally pale.
What neighbors did they have? The program team was clearly chasing traffic, deliberately tormenting them!
Chi Ye nodded: “We’ve painfully agreed to it.”
Program Team: “……”
Director Li coughed lightly, continuing the role playing: “To thank everyone for the ‘help,’ the villagers have prepared various fruits, vegetables, rice, flour, grain, and oil. You can exchange the total weight of corn kernels shelled today for the vegetables you like.”
After speaking, he signaled the shot.
Drone shot swept over for close-up, showing many fresh vegetables and fruit placed ahead of the wide empty field.
With various “labels” stuck on, indicating how much weight exchanges for what items.
Director Li continued: “The vegetables and fruit you exchange will become the ‘granary’ of Jian Ni small dwelling, and also the ingredient source for Teacher Huang’s cooking today.”
“?!”
Hearing this, everyone’s faces changed in unison.
No way, no way!
What kind of torture is this?!
“I get it now.”
Chi Ye had a realization: “So the program team not only wants us dead, but wants us to kill ourselves!”
“This way no responsibility, right? Truly bloodless conquest?”
He turned back to his PD shot: “Family, if I’m gone, remember to burn incense for me next year.”
「hhh.」
「Jian Ni director group is the most “fan-pampering” I’ve seen!」
「Program team knows what we like to watch, gotta brutally torture this group of demons and monsters.」
Live broadcast room audience clearly wouldn’t burn incense for Chi Ye, cheering excitedly, very satisfied with Jian Ni program team’s arrangement.
——Coming to Jian Ni, what to watch?
Isn’t it to torture this group of “scum” plaguing internal entertainment circle?
This is satisfying!
Here, after program team announced the rules, professionals came to teach everyone how to use the corn thresher.
Corn thresher is common in rural areas, the most primitive kind where you stuff corn in, then manually turn the crank with force to shell kernels from the cob.
Honestly, it’s physical labor.
“Come on, children.”
Teacher Huang smiled kindly: “Get moving, labor is most glorious. I just checked, poisonous bean is cheapest, only needs five jin of corn kernels to exchange.”
Chi Ye: “Yes, human life is that worthless.”
Everyone: “……”
Everyone exchanged glances, everything unspoken.
Among the crowd of demons and monsters, except Jingyi who loves eating history, others didn’t have this habit.
Program team announced timing start, everyone seemed busy but actually each showed their own tricks.
……
Chi Ye stood at his “machine,” pretending to stuff in one corn, then dawdled turning it.
Jin Xia next to him was puzzled: “Teacher Chi, why so perfunctory? If we don’t shell enough kernels, we won’t have ingredients to cook!”
Chi Ye glanced at her, seeing Empress Dowager putting thick cotton gloves on her white tender jade-like little hands, and after putting them on, seeming not protected enough, added another pair, hands swollen like a tumor.
“What? Not dawdling, should I learn from you and not even pretend?”
Chi Ye admired: “With hands like that, who’d dare make you work?!”
“Genius, discharged!”
Jin Xia: “……Teacher Chi!”
“Alright alright, work.”
Chi Ye waved hand, but didn’t speed up.
——Look at others, Yang Zi and Teacher Lu, two of Jian Ni’s three know-it-alls, now pretending not to know corn thresher, studying the machine over there!
He was already doing it personally, very conscientious!
Of course, among the seven guests, the most conscientious since Teacher Huang and others moved in was Shi Daifu, who’d been low-key.
She pulled out a hair pin from somewhere, neatly coiled her waterfall-like long hair into a high ponytail, put on the program team’s thin gloves, casually carried two big buckets of corn, and started throwing them in one by one.
Her other seemingly slender arm turned effortlessly.
For a moment, only “kaka kaka” sounds, batches of golden corn kernels quickly piled into a mountain.
“woc……!”
Chi Ye and others watched dumbfounded.
“Hm?”
Shi Daifu noticed everyone’s gazes, stopped her wind fire wheel-like arm, turned to look, slightly nervous: “Um… that… did I do it wrong?”
Everyone: “……No problem.”
“Oh.”
Shi Daifu nodded, her almond eyes back on the rusty thresher, a hint of hunger deep in her eyes.
More kernels shelled, more ingredients, more food…
Honestly, since moving into the small dwelling, she’d been half-starved, and after yesterday’s “health preservation tea” incident with Jin Xia, felt even more inferior, barely ate breakfast.
But she consumed a lot usually, big appetite, now at tolerance limit.
Shell more, she could eat full!
Thinking this, Shi Daifu’s slender smooth little hands turned into wind fire wheels, corn thresher sparking faintly.
Buzz buzz buzz.
Kaka kaka…
Chi Ye listened heart pounding, couldn’t endure, hurriedly shouted: “Teacher Shi, Teacher Shi, stop turning, sparks are flying!”
“What grudge what grudge, you wanna kill us five like this?”
“Uh…!”
Shi Daifu hurriedly stopped her “wind fire wheel,” goose egg face flushed red: “I… sorry, I didn’t mean to harm everyone.”
Chi Ye: “……”
He walked over and grabbed Shi Daifu: “Have some pity on the machine, look, for the ‘neighbor,’ you’ve nearly shaken it apart.”
Shi Daifu startled, looked, indeed saw deep friction marks between machine crank and machine arm.
“I… I didn’t mean to, maybe my operation is wrong…”
“That’s not important.”
Chi Ye’s eyelids twitched watching, this junk machine takes effort even for normal use, how does Shi Daifu shell effortlessly while grinding other things?
With her delicate build…
Could she be cultivating immortality?!
“Sister Shi Shi, your strength is so great! So awesome!”
Jin Xia looked at her machine’s empty bottom, then at the little mountain of kernels under Shi Daifu’s, admiring her more.
But Shi Daifu hearing “strength so great” embarrassed, wished to burrow into ground, waved hands hurriedly: “No, no… my strength isn’t that big…”
“Yes, strength not big, life force big.”
Jin Xia puzzled: “What’s that mean?”
Chi Ye sighed: “Normal people wouldn’t ‘provoke’ Teacher Huang like this.”
Everyone: “……”
“Sorry everyone… I… I’ll go slower.”
Shi Daifu hung her head apologizing, she wasn’t clueless, already got everyone’s meaning.
“Why apologize, it’s fine, later whatever Teacher Huang cooks for me, I’ll give to you, won’t let you go hungry.” Chi Ye comforted.
Jin Xia: “……Teacher Chi, you’re so vicious.”
“Ah… no no, I’m not hungry, my appetite… my portion isn’t big…”
Shi Daifu didn’t mind, didn’t expect Chi Ye saw through her thoughts, face redder, mortified.
Chi Ye: “……”
This self-sacrificing personality, saying “not hungry” instinctively even when starving, how was it formed?
……
After this interlude, without Shi Daifu the honest one, the group of old artists had tacit understanding, working on surface but actually dawdling.
Half hour passed, Yang Zi and Teacher Lu hadn’t even figured out the machine!
You know-it-all, doesn’t know this!
Jin Xia got nothing.
Empress Dowager wasn’t intentional, really never used this, and… her tumor-like gloved hands couldn’t work!
Chi Ye glanced around, among the group, besides Teacher Huang, he shelled the most.
For a moment, he wanted to tell Teacher Huang: Who’s the real yellow jacket?!
Of course, with this abysmal efficiency, program team wasn’t satisfied.
In charge of this outdoor recording was Director Li, frowning upon discovering demons and monsters all secretly dawdling.
Expected antics, but didn’t think guests really unwilling to “eat yellow rice,” what? Really be “real selves”?!
He paused, signaled his assistant with eyes.
Assistant immediately handed megaphone to Director Li, who took it, megaphone blared: “Everyone stop first, next, an announcement.”
“Busy” crowd looked up, Yang Zi pretended to hold waist, habitually acting: “What? Another bad news? My old waist can’t take it!”
Chi Ye: “Acting can’t take it.”
Yang Zi: “?”
He glared: Whose side are you on?!
Chi Ye sorry: “Sorry, habit.”
Yang Zi: “……”
“Given everyone’s ‘work attitude,’ villagers hope to complete work in one hour.”
“?”
Yang Zi immediately called: “Villagers hope?! Where villagers, it’s all you program team!”
Chi Ye: “These villagers so nosy.”
Program Team: “……”
Director Li ignored the roasts, continued: “If work not completed in one hour, you won’t get ingredients, no lunch.”
“!!”
Hearing this, everyone delighted instead of surprised!
Such good thing?!
“No eat then no eat!”
“Then we won’t eat.”
“Too tiring, can’t finish, pity, can’t eat Teacher Huang’s food.” Teacher Lu high emotional intelligence.
“Ah, I wanted to eat!” Lin Jingyi regretful.
Hm, clearly genuine regret.
What innate curse poison body?!
“……!”
“Eh, how can that be.”
Here, Teacher Huang hearing everyone’s “regretful” words, furrowed brows, started habitual lecturing: “Still gotta eat, man’s made of iron, rice made of steel, you kids just haven’t suffered.”
Saying so, he cheerfully pointed at his own iron pot: “Children, no worry about lunch.”
“Even if you don’t finish at noon, no problem.”
“I discussed with program team, even set up temporary stove here, will cook lunch for everyone!”
“Rest assured, guarantee no one goes hungry!”
Everyone: “?!”
Chi Ye: “Not buddy, chasing to kill?!”
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