Chapter 38: The Ultimate Dying For A Cause: Practical Exercise Seeking Monthly Tickets
In the sparsely furnished, mouse-repelling hovel that belonged to Zhang Biao, an unprecedented ‘sacred’ radiance was emanating.
The door was wide open, and the area inside and outside the house was packed with impoverished capital officials whose eyes gleamed with hunger.
The air was filled with an intense, unshakeable aroma of rich pig’s head meat.
Additionally, it was mixed with the pungent scent of low-quality Shao Daozi liquor, creating a peculiar atmosphere that made adrenaline surge.
In the center of the room, a large iron pot, borrowed from goodness knows where, had been temporarily set up.
The firewood crackled beneath the pot, and a milky white thick soup churned and bubbled within.
Three split, tender and perfectly cooked, glistening large pig’s heads floated in the soup like three mountains of meat.
Shen Lang, acting as the head chef, wielded a large ladle, his face radiating a heroic demeanor as if he commanded great military might, directing several impoverished Hanlin scholars who volunteered to help chop scallions and pound garlic.
“Come, come! Let’s continue!”
At this moment, Zhang Biao did not forget his lesson. He clapped his hands, signaling everyone to look at him: “We spoke earlier about oily mouths, so how can one cultivate an oily mouth!?”
He picked up his chopsticks, grabbed a piece of fatty pork, just fished out of the pot and still dripping with hot oil, and addressed the crowd again: “See! This kind! Seven parts fat, three parts lean, melts in your mouth, overflowing with savory oil – this is the hard currency for training an oily mouth!”
“One bite, and the oil instantly coats your lips, tongue, teeth, and cheeks!”
“It’s slippery, moist, and fragrant!”
“It makes your mouth like it’s been waxed, and your words carry a sheen of oil!”
“The Emperor will instantly know you’ve got the ‘I just ate my fill and fear no death’ halo, and it’s guaranteed to confuse him immensely!”
As he finished speaking, he took another demonstrative, hearty bite.
Scalding oil dripped down the corners of his mouth, causing him to grimace in pain, but his face held a look of almost reverent satisfaction.
He chewed vigorously, continuing his lesson indistinctly: “With an oily mouth, there’s the next step: sonic transmission! Listen carefully, everyone!”
He gulped down a mouthful of low-quality Shao Daozi liquor. The spicy liquid rushed down his throat, instantly making him flush red and choke, but it also amplified his voice: “See! Alcohol! Especially this cheap, potent Shao Daozi, is the best megaphone!”
“It moistens the throat! It invigorates the spirit! And it emboldens you!”
“It makes your voice sound like it has a loudspeaker, guaranteed to penetrate the roof beams of the Hall of Supreme Harmony and make the Emperor’s ears buzz!”
“Remember!”
At this point, his voice abruptly rose: “The louder you are, the more reasonable you seem! The wider your voice, the more confident you are! The Emperor will have to weigh his options before he cuts you down!”
Wow!
The whole room erupted in a clamor!
“Learned it! Learned it! This time we truly learned it!”
Just as everyone was unable to contain their excitement, Zhang Biao wiped his glistening chin and scanned the group of eager learners: “Next is the ultimate stage of Dying for a Cause Success Studies: practical application!”
After saying this, he looked around at everyone and demonstrated: “Pair up! One plays the Emperor! One plays the salary-demanding censor!”
“You playing the Emperor, give me some of that imperial essence! Be as brutal as you can!”
“You playing the censor, use the oily mouth and loud voice you just learned!”
“There’s only one goal—to make the Emperor bang the dragon throne in anger, yet still have to give you money!”
Boom!
The small hovel instantly exploded into chaos!
“Who is this at the stairs! Daring to cry poverty to us?! Drag him out and behead him!!” one bold censor instantly got into character.
Hearing this, a Director of the Ministry of Personnel opposite reacted just as quickly.
He stuffed a couple of pieces of fatty meat into his mouth, opened his oily mouth, and with saliva flying, his voice boomed loud enough to shake the roof: “Your Majesty! Your humble servant is wronged! Look at this account book, grain prices are soaring! Rent is high, and your servant hasn’t had meat in three days!”
“If you wish to behead me, I accept it! But you must at least let me die a full-bellied ghost, right? Otherwise, when I reach the underworld, it will be a disgrace to you, the Great Ming Emperor, if the Emperor doesn’t even give his subjects enough to eat!”
“You, you insolent wretch!!”
On the other side, that fat censor, imitating the performance, spoke with a crying tone, but exceptionally loudly: “Your Majesty! Minister Zhao of the Ministry of Revenue has been flayed and stuffed, and no one is managing our salaries! We can only rely on you, the benevolent Emperor, to be our judge!”
“Think about it! If censors go to impeach corrupt officials on an empty stomach, our words will lack strength, and the corrupt officials will mock us! This is not my shame, but the dignity of our Great Ming Dynasty, Your Majesty!”
“I beg you to first grant me two taels of silver to buy a hen for nourishment. Once I’ve eaten my fill, I’ll immediately go and curse that bastard who embezzled the river works funds until he’s covered in dirt! I guarantee double the efficiency!”
“Bastard things! The delay in salary is the Ministry of Revenue’s business! Why are you looking for us?!” Zhang Biao also played the role of ‘Old Zhu’.
Shen Lang interjected at this moment: “Your Majesty! Censor Zhang can get his owed salary, and we are also your subjects. You cannot favor one over the other, can you?!”
“You, you, you!”
“What an outrage! Drag Zhang Biao, that culprit, out and behead him—!!”
‘Old Zhu’, played by Zhang Biao, was so angry he clutched his chest, feeling a heart attack coming on.
For a moment, the small hovel became a chaotic and impassioned symphony of ‘Old Zhu’s’ roars, the ‘censors” oily, crying pleas, the smacking sounds of chewing fatty meat, the hissing of Shao Daozi entering throats, and various banging sounds of tables being struck.
Everyone’s faces were glistening, their eyes were fervent, as if they weren’t simulating dying for a cause to demand salary, but were engaged in a holy war leading to financial freedom.
Zhang Biao, while playing ‘Old Zhu’, coached the ‘salary-demanding censors’:
“Yes! Make your voice even louder! You need to blow the roof off!”
“Fatty meat! Stuff another piece in! If it’s not oily enough, I can’t see clearly!”
“When you cry poverty, include details! Talk about how even your mice are starving!”
“Alcohol! Take another swig! To invigorate you!”
While Zhang Biao and the others were enthusiastically practicing, the Huagai Hall in the palace was brightly lit.
Old Zhu sat withered on the cold dragon throne. All weariness, kindness, and even anger had vanished from his face, leaving only the coldness and resoluteness of an emperor.
He picked up his imperial brush, dipped it heavily in ink, and on the bright yellow silk, he wrote characters that were like iron strokes and silver hooks, penetrating the paper with force:
“By the Mandate of Heaven, the Emperor decrees:
I, having received the Mandate of Heaven, rule over all lands. Crown Prince Biao, filial and virtuous by nature, was to inherit the lineage, but Heaven did not grant him years, and he has sadly passed away. My heart is shattered, and the nation grieves together.
The princes, mindful of their brotherhood, have rushed back overnight, prostrating themselves in grief. My heart is somewhat comforted.
However, filial piety resides in the heart, not in empty forms. Grief is within, not bound by outward appearances.
Now that the Crown Prince has been laid to rest, the princes should each return to their fiefdoms, uphold their duties as subjects, and comfort their officials and the populace, to console the Crown Prince’s spirit in heaven and to secure the hopes of the state and its people.
Prince Qin Zhu Shuang, Prince Jin Zhu Gang, Prince Yan Zhu Di, and the other princes, along with their accompanying guards and officials, are ordered to depart the capital within three days and return to their respective fiefs immediately.”
Having written this, he recalled Zhang Biao’s words from earlier and added an extremely cold clause:
“Without an imperial decree, you are not permitted to leave your fiefdom!”
“Without an imperial decree, you are not permitted to privately associate with each other!”
“Without an imperial decree, you are not permitted to enter the capital!”
“You shall obey this! Do not be negligent or careless!”
As the last character ‘negligent’ fell, the imperial brush struck down heavily, the ink as sharp as a blade.
“Jiang Huan!”
Old Zhu’s voice was like colliding ice, devoid of any warmth.
“This subject is present!”
Jiang Huan appeared below the steps like a phantom.
“Immediately transcribe this, affix the imperial seal, and send it with utmost speed to the Ten Princes’ Mansions. Read it to them in person, and order the princes to prepare immediately!”
Old Zhu tossed the edict down, his action resolute: “Tell them, filial piety is in the heart, now all of you – get out! And behave yourselves!”
“Your subject obeys!”
Jiang Huan took the heavy imperial edict, still fragrant with ink, in both hands, as if holding invisible thunder.
He knew that regarding that position, the Emperor had made his decision.
And what would follow was bound to be a storm of blood and violence.
Seeking monthly tickets, seeking monthly tickets!!! Seeking recommendation tickets!
