Chapter 84: You Took My House And Now You Want To Eat And Drink In It?! Seeking First Subscription
Jiang Huan’s angry “grass mud horse” was still echoing in the air, and Zhang Biao, leading his “Audit Dream Team,” had already rounded the corner, leaving the Imperial Guard’s gloomy expressions behind.
Although he could certainly handle Jiang Huan and his lackeys before Old Zhu woke up, he couldn’t be so sure after Old Zhu’s awakening.
Therefore, he now only wished to escalate the situation, making it so infuriating and universally condemned that Old Zhu would have no choice but to kill him, the culprit.
As for Shen Lang and the others, if Old Zhu intended to further expand the matter, perhaps initiating something like the “Zhang Biao Case,” they would only have to perish along with the Great Ming.
In this regard, Shen Lang and the others were actually aware of this possibility.
Otherwise, they would never have acted so wildly with Zhang Biao.
Zhang Biao knew this all too well.
Sometimes, people are like this; rather than live a life of suppressed humiliation, it’s better to go out with a bang, living life to the fullest.
“Brothers—!”
Zhang Biao suddenly shouted, then surveyed everyone and asked, “Next, how about we go give Duke Cao a ‘Mansion Open Financial Audit and Art Appreciation Session’?!”
“Great—!”
Everyone chimed in unison, letting out excited wolf howls.
Unlike the stubborn resistance of the Six Ministries’ yamen, at the Duke Cao’s Mansion gate stood a group of household generals and soldiers, clad in armor and wielding sharp blades.
Their gazes were sharp and their killing intent palpable, attempting to preserve the final dignity of this noble household.
“Zhou Tou’er, do you think they’d dare cause trouble at our Duke’s mansion?”
A household general of the Duke’s mansion cautiously asked the leader of the household generals beside him, Zhou Tong.
Zhou Tong scoffed, his face full of disdain:
“Our master is the Emperor’s nephew. Our Duke is the foremost Duke in the Great Ming; who dares provoke us? A bunch of riff-raff wanting to run amok in our Duke’s mansion? Do they truly think my swords are not sharp enough!?”
“Indeed, indeed.”
The household general chuckled and repeatedly agreed.
Just then, an extremely noisy commotion, like a bustling market, mixed with some rhythmic, unpleasant singing, suddenly erupted:
“Audit, audit~ Hee hee ha ha~”
“Digging out vermin~ Beat your mom~”
“Chamber pot lamp~ so bright~”
“Shining on the Duke~ making him panic~”
“!!!”
Zhou Tong, who had been so arrogant, now trembled uncontrollably.
Especially upon seeing the guy in the tattered official robe but with such an arrogant demeanor, all his authority dissolved into visible tension and fear.
My god!
How did they get here so fast?!
Shouldn’t it be the Ministry of Justice, Ministry of Rites, or Ministry of Works, and only then our Duke’s mansion?
How did they come straight to the Duke’s mansion after leaving the Ministry of Personnel?!
Zhou Tong truly wanted to curse now, but to maintain the Duke’s Mansion’s dignity, he gritted his teeth and stepped forward, blocking Zhang Biao’s path:
“Halt! This is Duke Cao’s Mansion; unauthorized personnel…”
“Unauthorized personnel?”
Zhang Biao interrupted directly, then pointed to himself: “You don’t recognize me?”
“Uh,”
Zhou Tong’s mouth twitched. He thought, who in Yingtian Prefecture doesn’t recognize you, Ancestor Zhang!?
He then said with difficulty:
“Censor Zhang, what is your business? My Duke is not receiving guests today.”
“Not receiving guests?”
Zhang Biao smiled, then said earnestly:
“This official is not a guest; I am an official here to conduct an audit.”
“Audit?”
Zhou Tong was bewildered: “The Duke’s mansion is not a government yamen; what is there to audit?”
“Who says an establishment not under the court cannot be audited?”
Zhang Biao said righteously and forcefully: “All under heaven belongs to the King!”
“You nobles, receiving bountiful grace from the nation, with generous salaries and countless estates, surely you haven’t engaged in corruption or embezzlement? Misappropriated public funds? Illegally earned income?”
“As the Left Vice Censor-in-Chief of the Censorate, I am ordered to supervise all officials, which naturally includes your Duke! This is called expanding audit coverage!”
Saying this, he turned to Shen Lang and pretended to ask: “Accountant Shen, is there such a clause?”
“Yes, Brother Biao!”
Shen Lang immediately cooperated loudly: “According to the Great Ming Audit Law · Audit Supplementary Regulations · Article 1: All who receive salaries from the court are subject to audit!”
“.”
Zhou Tong was speechless. He thought, what kind of law is this? I’ve never even heard of it!
However, Zhang Biao paid no mind to the petrified household general and began conducting on-site office work right outside the Duke’s mansion gate.
He commanded with confidence:
“Department Director Sun! Hold that lamp higher! Yes, right on this main gate! My goodness! Look at this, fine golden-thread nanmu! How much must this have cost? Record it! Suspected violation of regulations!”
“Editor Li! Go check those stone lions! Exquisite carving, white as solidified fat, are they made of white marble? Estimate their value! See if it exceeds his ducal salary!”
“And that plaque! Damn it! It’s gilded! Who wrote those four characters ‘Duke Cao’s Mansion’? Did they charge a writing fee? Scrutinize it thoroughly!”
“.”
As Zhang Biao continuously pointed at the facade of the Duke’s mansion and made loud comments, the “Audit Dream Team” behind him began to cooperate seamlessly.
In an instant, the sounds of abacus calculation, stone carving, and value estimation echoed from outside the mansion gate.
Inside the mansion, Li Jinglong was as anxious as an ant on a hot pan.
He dared not go out.
Because he feared being caught by Zhang Biao for an audit as soon as he stepped out, he could only hide in the gatehouse and peek through the cracks.
However, listening to the audit evaluations of his mansion’s gate from outside made his heart bleed.
“Too much! Too much!”
Li Jinglong trembled with anger, but he was helpless.
Use force? Jiang Huan’s Imperial Guard would definitely be watching nearby, and this madman Zhang Biao would be delighted if you resorted to force, giving him a reason to escalate the conflict.
Reason? Reason with Zhang Biao? Only if his brain was short-circuited!
“What to do, what to do!?”
Li Jinglong paced frantically in the room. What worried him most was not Zhang Biao’s audit, but him settling accounts like he did with the Ministry of Revenue, Ministry of War, and Ministry of Personnel.
If Zhang Biao started settling accounts outside his mansion, his life would essentially be over.
“No! We absolutely cannot let Zhang Biao stay outside for too long, otherwise, if he goes mad…”
Thinking this, Li Jinglong dared not hesitate any longer and immediately said to the butler outside the gate:
“Quick! Quickly welcome Censor Zhang and his party in!”
“Ah?”
The butler outside was startled, as if he had misheard: “My Lord Duke, you want to invite that madman Zhang Biao into the mansion?”
“Stop your nonsense and go invite them!”
Li Jinglong roared impatiently.
“Yes, yes, I’ll go now!”
The butler, scared, scrambled out.
Zhang Biao, at this moment, was assessing the value of the lapis lazuli paving stones at the entrance: “Editor Li, record this…”
“Creak!”
Before Zhang Biao’s words had even finished, the side gate of the Duke’s mansion was opened.
A person resembling a butler scrambled out, his face creased into a smile more unsightly than a cry, and bowed to Zhang Biao:
“Censor Zhang, my Lord Duke requests your presence…”
“That’s more like it!”
Zhang Biao grinned and nodded with satisfaction: “Cooperating with audit work is the duty of every official of the Great Ming.”
With that, he waved to Shen Lang and the others: “Let’s go, brothers, let’s go inside and see how well-stocked Duke Cao’s storeroom is.”
“Right away!”
Shen Lang and the others agreed with smiles and swarmed after Zhang Biao, entering the Duke’s mansion.
Although they had already seen grand scenes in the Ministry of Revenue, Ministry of War, and Ministry of Personnel, upon entering the Duke’s mansion, they suddenly felt a sense of looking at a well and not seeing the mountain.
The Duke’s mansion was filled with pavilions, carved beams, painted pillars, and exotic treasures everywhere, rivaling even the Imperial Palace’s inner courts.
Shen Lang’s abacus was practically smoking:
“Brother Biao! Preliminary estimate, this Taihu stone rockery in the front courtyard alone is worth no less than five thousand taels!”
Sun Gui felt his chamber pot lamp dim significantly in front of these exquisite lacquered wares. He couldn’t help but say, “I think this gold-inlaid lacquered cabinet! It must be imperial court-made!”
Li Mo quickly recorded: “Suspected overstepping boundaries, suspected corruption…”
“Censor Zhang!”
Li Jinglong, as if not hearing their audit, maintained a semblance of calm as he arrived at the living room entrance, attempting to preserve the elegance of nobility: “Censor Zhang and esteemed colleagues grace us with your presence. We regret not welcoming you sooner. May we know your purpose?”
Zhang Biao, upon hearing this, ignored him and plopped down on a valuable-looking huanghuali chair in the main seat of the living room, crossing his legs: “I dare not accept ‘guidance,’ it’s just a routine audit.”
“Duke Cao, let’s discuss your income sources. How much is your salary? How many estates? How many shops? Do you engage in any small businesses? For example, privately selling salt and iron?”
Li Jinglong’s face instantly turned pale: “Censor Zhang! How dare you speak such nonsense! How could this Duke possibly do such improper things!?”
“It’s good if you haven’t.”
Zhang Biao nodded, then suddenly said to Shen Lang:
“Accountant Shen, I’m thirsty. See what kind of tea Duke Cao’s family offers guests. Estimate its price, and see if it’s more expensive than his annual salary.”
“Understood, Brother Biao!”
Shen Lang responded and immediately picked up an exquisite porcelain cup from the table:
“Brother Biao, look, Jingdezhen official kiln blue and white! The cost of one cup of tea is enough for an ordinary family to eat for half a year!”
Li Jinglong: “.”
This fellow looks poor, but he’s quite knowledgeable!
However, why do I feel so heartbroken?
“Zhang Biao!”
Li Jinglong trembled with rage, pushed aside the servants trying to stop him, and took a forceful step forward, trying to maintain his last shred of dignity:
“You are going too far! This is the Duke’s Mansion! How can you be so presumptuous!? I am going to report this, I will…”
“Report what?”
Zhang Biao picked his ear, saying nonchalantly:
“Report that I helped you find your long-lost artistic cells? Or report that I’ve tallied your excessively abundant assets?”
“Or perhaps, you want His Majesty to know that your collection of pre-dynastic calligraphy and paintings exceeds that of the palace? That the scholars and literati you sponsor are more numerous than those in the Imperial Academy? And have His Majesty praise you for your taste, and praise you for having more wealth than the Great Ming’s national treasury?”
Boom!
Li Jinglong was struck by lightning, his face instantly turning as pale as paper.
Zhang Biao then turned to Zhao Fengman:
“Censor Zhao, I’m hungry. Ask the kitchen what snacks they have prepared today. See if they exceed the regulations.”
“Understood, Jianxian Zhang!”
Zhao Fengman casually agreed, but before he could even move towards the kitchen, Li Jinglong completely broke down: “All of you, stop!”
He finally understood, this madman was here to pick a fight.
He wasn’t here to audit at all; he wanted to use various details to humiliate him and break him down.
“What exactly do you want?!”
Li Jinglong stopped pretending and laid his cards on the table: “Speak! How much money do you want? I’ll give it to you!”
“What do you mean, ‘want money’? Do you think this official is a beggar?”
Zhang Biao raised an eyebrow, then said to Li Mo:
“Editor Li! Record this: publicly insulting a court official…”
“Censor Zhang! I was wrong! I apologize to you, alright!? Just say what you want! I admit I can’t outmaneuver you!”
Li Jinglong was so angry he cried.
Zhang Biao, however, was quite pleased with his current state and said with a smile, teasingly:
“If you had just surrendered earlier, wouldn’t it have been fine? The preliminary audit results indicate that your lifestyle is extravagant, far exceeding your income level, and there is suspected illegal income.”
“Now! You have two choices.”
“One, we continue with a thorough audit, including but not limited to checking all your household account books, storerooms, land deeds, as well as the accounts of your brother-in-law and butler…”
“I choose two! I choose two!”
Li Jinglong screamed without hesitation. He absolutely did not want to be publicly shamed.
“As for two…”
Zhang Biao said slowly:
“Then you will voluntarily pay the audit compensation fee and the special tax for excessive consumption, to be used to alleviate the national treasury’s emptiness and compensate officials whose salaries have been delayed.”
“Alright, alright! Name your price!”
“Heh, as expected of the Great Ming’s foremost Duke, so straightforward! How about this, I won’t make it too difficult for you. Just that pair of stone lions at your entrance, plus the furnishings in this living room, estimate their value and round it up to thirty thousand taels.”
How much? Thirty thousand taels!?
Li Jinglong’s vision went black.
Zhang Biao patted his shoulder: “I know Duke Li is enlightened and understands righteousness, and is helping the nation through its difficulties! Will it be in silver or banknotes? We support all payment methods.”
Li Jinglong cried like a 300-pound child: “I don’t… I don’t have that much silver…”
“It’s okay!”
Zhang Biao waved his hand: “We can accept ‘offsetting debt with assets’! We will reluctantly help you deal with this excessively decorated renovation!”
After saying this, he immediately waved to Shen Lang and the others: “Move!”
Thus, a more exaggerated “zero yuan shopping” began.
Not only were the packed boxes carried away again, but even the rosewood table, huanghuali chairs, ornaments on the curio cabinet in the living room, and even the silver-inlaid bowls and chopsticks from the kitchen were all labeled as ‘assets for debt repayment.’
Li Jinglong watched his home being rapidly emptied, and even the curtains in the living room were taken down and packed by Sun Gui, who said the material was good and could be made into several pairs of pants.
Finally, Zhang Biao looked with satisfaction at the “Audit Chariot” that was once again filled to the brim, and at Li Jinglong, who was almost crying by the entrance.
“Duke Li, thank you for your outstanding contribution to the Great Ming’s finances! I’ll have Accountant Shen send you a banner of ‘Glorious Taxpayer’ later!”
Zhang Biao gave Li Jinglong a seemingly friendly smile. Just as he was about to leave, he stopped as if remembering something:
“Duke Li, our official business is done, and it’s mealtime. Shouldn’t you…”
He paused, then added; “Shouldn’t you treat us to a meal?”
Li Jinglong: “.”
His butler: “.”
What is this?!
You just brought people to rob my house, and now you want to eat here?!
How can there be such a shameless person in this world?!
“Bang—!”
The Great Ming’s God of War, in the end, collapsed from anger.
