Chapter 85: The Great Ming Dynasty’s War God With A Peculiar Mindset 【 Seeking First Subscription 】
“Who am I?”
“Where am I?”
“What am I supposed to do?”
As Li Jinglong just woke up from his coma, these three soul-searching questions popped into his mind.
However, the one who answered him was not the butler of the mansion, nor his household general Zhou Tong, but a man he never wished to see, even in his dreams.
The man then said with a smile:
“You are the immensely wealthy Duke Li! You are hosting us for a meal at your home! Hurry up~”
“Pfft—!”
“Duke—!!”
Duke Cao’s Mansion descended into chaos once more.
Zhang Biao curled his lips and spread his hands, then turned to Shen Lang and the others, saying: “Duke Li might be too excited knowing he’s treating us to a meal. So, let’s just do it ourselves and not trouble him too much!”
Shen Lang and the others: “…”
Brother Biao is indeed Brother Biao!
Truly the Great Ming’s Number One War God!
“Accountant Shen!”
Zhang Biao ignored Li Jinglong and directly ordered: “Inventory the ingredients we ‘offset as debt’ from the kitchen! See if there’s enough for the brothers to have a feast!”
Shen Lang immediately ran to the Audit Chariot and rummaged through the sacks and boxes containing the ingredients.
“Brother Biao! There’s half a rack of ribs! Several pieces of cured meat! A pile of winter bamboo shoots and shiitake mushrooms! And a sack of premium rice!”
Shen Lang’s excitement grew as he reported: “Oh wow, there’s also a jar that looks like Jinhua ham!”
These were all top-tier ingredients audited from Duke Cao’s Mansion’s kitchen.
Although Li Jinglong had ‘fainted’ on the ground, his heart was bleeding. That ham was specially brought from Zhejiang for him to enjoy during the New Year.
“Good! Very good!”
Zhang Biao beamed and immediately called out:
“Censor Zhao! Take your men and go get Duke Li’s large bronze hot pot scrubbed clean! We’re having hot pot in this hall today!”
“Editor Li! Find some paper and pen to record the grandeur of this audit meal!”
“Everyone else! Help wash vegetables and cut meat! Wash that set of silver tableware from Duke Li’s home and use it too! Let’s experience the Duke’s living standard!”
“You got it!”
The crowd cheered and instantly became full of energy, as if they were the ones who hadn’t said they were hungry just moments ago.
A group of people immediately divided their tasks and cooperated, moving as smoothly as if they were in their own homes.
Some washed vegetables, some cut meat, some scrubbed pots, and some started fires.
Someone even found some low tables and cushions from a corner that hadn’t been moved, pieced them together, and formed a temporary dining table.
Li Jinglong couldn’t hold back and secretly opened his eyes, watching these people prepare to eat his own provisions in his home, using things stolen from his own home.
This extreme absurdity and humiliation almost drove him mad.
“These… robbers! Bandits! Shameless wretches!”
He cursed silently and suppressed his emotions.
Zhang Biao picked up the jar of Jinhua ham, walked up to him, and lifted the lid. A rich aroma of ham wafted out.
“Duke Li, stop pretending. I know you’re not fainted. How about… joining us for a bite?”
Zhang Biao smiled like a devil: “Look, this ham smells so good! It’s better to share the joy than to enjoy it alone!”
Hearing this, Li Jinglong’s stomach growled uncontrollably, but the overwhelming sense of humiliation immediately drowned out his hunger.
He gritted his teeth and turned his head away:
“Bah! I’d rather starve to death! And jump from here! Than eat a single bite of your food!”
“Spirited!”
Zhang Biao gave a thumbs up, then shouted to the busy crowd: “Brothers! Duke Li says he’s not hungry, so we’ll share his portion!”
“Thank you, Duke Li!”
The crowd echoed in unison, their voices loud and full of joy.
Soon, the charcoal fire was lit, and the large bronze pot began to bubble with hot soup, its rich aroma filling the entire living room.
Slices of meat and vegetables, all finely cut, were brought to the table, and the gleaming silver tableware was distributed to everyone.
Although some people were not used to it and felt their own broken bowls at home were more practical, being able to use this set of tableware was considered a worthwhile experience in their lives.
“Come on! Brothers!”
Zhang Biao raised a silver bowl, filled to the brim with the expensive daughter red wine audited from Li Jinglong’s wine cellar:
“To celebrate the phased victory of our audit work today! And to thank Duke Li for his generous hospitality! Cheers!”
“Cheers!”
Everyone raised their silver bowls and cups, making a clanging sound, and then tilted their heads to drink.
Although their actions were rough and out of place with the exquisite tableware and environment, there was a sense of exhilarating revenge.
“Eat, eat, eat! Don’t be shy! Make yourselves at home!”
Zhang Biao enthusiastically urged, and was the first to pick up a large slice of shabu-shabu lamb, dip it in sauce, and stuff it into his mouth. He inhaled sharply from the heat:
“Wow! Delicious! So damn delicious! Duke Li, your cook has good skills—oh wait, I cut this meat, so my skills are good!”
Li Jinglong was awake, but seemed not fully so. At least his mind was still muddled.
He was curled up in a corner, listening to the laughter and conversation, smelling the tantalizing aroma of meat and wine, feeling as if he were undergoing the most brutal torture in the world.
His home had been plundered.
The people who plundered his home were now holding a victory banquet in his house.
Using his things, eating his provisions.
This was no longer a case of killing the heart; it was like repeatedly grinding his dignity into the dirt and then sprinkling a handful of chili powder on it!
Just then, Shen Lang, carrying a bowl piled high with meat dishes, carefully walked up to Li Jinglong. His tone was reasonably polite, as he was benefiting from Li Jinglong’s hospitality.
He then said with a chuckle:
“Duke Li, are you really not going to eat anything? Brother Biao specifically told me to save some of the best pork belly and ham for you…”
The bowl of meat was brought almost under Li Jinglong’s nose, its aroma aggressively entering his nostrils, stimulating his taste buds and empty stomach.
Li Jinglong’s throat involuntarily bobbed.
He clenched his teeth tightly, closed his eyes, trying to resist this devilish temptation.
But Zhang Biao’s voice drifted over again:
“Old Li, don’t be stubborn! If you ruin your health by starving, how will you go to teahouses and keep opera singers in the future? Come, come, eat something, eat something. You need to fill your stomach before you have the energy to hate me!”
“Pfft—!”
Li Jinglong’s last psychological defense was finally breached.
He suddenly snatched the bowl from Shen Lang’s hand, not bothering with silver tableware, and directly grabbed the meat with his hands, stuffing it into his mouth. He ate while shedding tears. Whether it was a post-breakdown mutation or Zhang Biao’s cooking skills exceeded his expectations, he couldn’t help but murmur:
“It’s so good~”
“Hahaha!”
Seeing this, Zhang Biao burst into laughter: “That’s more like it! Nothing is more important than eating! You have to fill your stomach before you can hate me!”
This extremely absurd audit meal proceeded heatedly in the once most luxurious and now most empty living room of Duke Cao’s Mansion.
The robbers and the victim ate at the same table, using tableware they had just robbed, and eating food they had just robbed.
The scene was indescribable.
After an unknown amount of time, the indescribable audit meal finally concluded with everyone satisfied with food and drink.
At this point, Li Jinglong slowly walked to Zhang Biao’s side. The previous breakdown was gone, replaced by a hint of awkwardness and a fawning smile.
Seeing him approach voluntarily, Zhang Biao narrowed his eyes slightly and said with a playful tone:
“What, Duke Li, are you planning to settle accounts with us later?”
“Dare not, dare not!”
Li Jinglong quickly waved his hands, his smile even more forced, even a little servile:
“Censor Zhang and all the brothers have eaten and drunk well. This meal is a small token of my appreciation.”
“Hmm?”
As soon as he said this, even Zhang Biao was stunned.
Had this guy’s brain gone haywire from anger? Why was he suddenly so polite?
Li Jinglong took a deep breath, as if having made a firm decision, and walked to the table on his own. He picked up an empty wine cup, filled it with the expensive daughter red, and then raised the cup with both hands towards Zhang Biao, his tone exceptionally sincere:
“Censor Zhang, I’ll toast you.”
Boom!
The entire hall fell silent.
Everyone looked at Li Jinglong as if he were an idiot.
Zhang Biao did not raise his cup, but looked at him calmly and indifferently: “Duke Cao, what play are you putting on? A Hongmen Banquet? Or are you going to smash the cup as a signal?”
“Censor Zhang has misunderstood!”
Li Jinglong quickly shook his head: “I genuinely want to toast you. Earlier, at the mansion, I lost my composure.”
He paused, a look of reminiscence and emotion appearing on his face: “My father often taught me that in this Imperial Court, some people can be offended, and some cannot. And some people, who seem like they can be offended, might ruin your life if you do offend them.”
His words were vague and confusing, leaving everyone baffled.
“To be honest.”
Li Jinglong looked at Zhang Biao again, his eyes complex:
“Before today, I, Li Jinglong, considered myself quite a notable figure in Yingtian Prefecture. But you, Censor Zhang, in just one day, no, half a day, have made me thoroughly understand what it means to say there’s always someone better, and a higher heaven beyond the sky.”
Zhang Biao was speechless, unsure what this fellow was plotting.
Li Jinglong continued with emotion: “You curse the Emperor, curse nobles and high officials, audit the Six Ministries, emptied government offices, and even emptied my Duke’s mansion.”
“Although your methods are ruthless, they are inexplicably admirable!”
As he uttered the word ‘admirable,’ he himself found it somewhat unbelievable.
Zhang Biao also found it amusing: “So, you’re here to express your respect to me?”
“Yes, and no.”
Li Jinglong leaned in a little and lowered his voice: “Censor Zhang, look, you’ve basically offended all the civil and military officials in court, haven’t you?”
Zhang Biao raised an eyebrow: “Pretty much. What? Do you want to join us?”
“No, no, no!”
Li Jinglong quickly shook his head, then cautiously, with a hint of negotiation in his tone:
“What I mean is, you see, you’ve audited me today, cursed me, and emptied my house. You even ate a meal at my home. Don’t we have some sort of connection now?”
“And so?”
Zhang Biao had a vague idea of what he was thinking and found it incredibly amusing.
Li Jinglong rubbed his hands, his face filled with a fawning smile, and uttered the earth-shattering words that made everyone in the room spit out their food:
“So, Censor Zhang, you see, next time you want to curse someone, or need to ‘audit’…”
“Could you, please, go a little easier on this old Li? Curse a little lighter? Or give me a heads-up in advance so I can admit my fault voluntarily?”
“I only beg you not to bring up my… my little hobbies… in public.”
“Pfft—!”
“Pfft-ch!”
“Hahaha!”
As soon as he finished speaking, the private room was silent for a moment, then erupted into earth-shattering laughter.
Shen Lang sprayed wine all over Sun Gui, who laughed so hard he pounded the table. Li Mo laughed so hard his hat fell off. Others were doubled over, tears streaming from their eyes.
What did he mean? We robbed you, and you want to pay us to curse you lighter next time?!
This Duke Cao’s thought process was even more bizarre than Brother Biao’s!
Was he beaten into submission?
Or was this some alternative form of “surrender and split fifty-fifty”?
Zhang Biao was also taken aback by Li Jinglong’s move, then the corners of his mouth curved upwards. He thought, I underestimated you, Great Ming’s Number One War God.
“Alright! Based on your understanding, I’ll try to pick lighter words when I curse you in the future! And I’ll give you a heads-up before auditing your house!”
Hearing this, Li Jinglong felt as if he had received a great pardon, and a sincere smile appeared on his face:
“Thank you, Censor Zhang! Thank you! Then I won’t disturb your enjoyment! From now on, the bills for your food and drinks will be under my name!”
After saying this, he left contentedly, even sending away his butler and household general.
And Shen Lang and the others burst into thunderous laughter again.
Sun Gui, wiping away tears from laughing, said: “My heavens! This Duke Cao is quite a character!”
Shen Lang shook his head and sighed: “Indeed, no one who makes it in Yingtian Prefecture is simple…”
Li Mo pretended to be profound and summarized: “His actions are laughable, his wisdom like foolishness?”
Zhang Biao’s lips curved upwards slightly: “Interesting, very interesting. This Great Ming bureaucracy is even more fun than before.”
“Brother Biao, where are we going next?!”
Just as everyone was marveling at Li Jinglong’s peculiar thought process, Zhao Fengman unexpectedly asked.
As soon as he spoke, the surroundings fell silent, and then all eyes turned to Zhang Biao.
Zhang Biao looked up at the sky, stroked his chin, and said: “Having come to Li Jinglong’s mansion and not going to Guo Ying’s mansion, that stubborn rock in the latrine would think I, Zhang Biao, am afraid of him!”
“But, I just heard from the butler at Duke Li’s mansion that Marquis Wuding seems to be ill, seriously ill, and has even fallen into a coma!”
“Ha!”
Zhang Biao threw his head back and laughed, then revealed an expression of “I understand it all,” and said leisurely:
“It just so happens that I’ve learned a superb medical skill! Let me go and take a look at that old fellow, and let you all witness what it means to be startled awake from near death—!”
“Hahaha! Good!”
“Divine Doctor Zhang! Please this way!”
